The States Where Americans Don't Want To Live Anymore! Tabs, Fri., April 17, 2020

Gif by your friend Martini Ambassador

Another five million lucky unemployed duckies. (Vox) Washington Post says it's 22 million people in the last four weeks, for a rate of over 20 percent.

That unemployment gig workers were supposed to get? About that ... — Politico

David Dayen got a bank to stop seizing people's corona stim checks! (The American Prospect)

Molly Jong-Fast thinks we need a present First Lady, but, like, why? (Daily Beast)

Amanda Marcotte calls the Michigan protesters a bunch of pussies. — Salon

Red state motherfucking asshole dicks. (Politico)

Oh, now they're scrambling to find tests, so Shithead can open the country back up. Because somehow they didn't matter before. (NBC)

Larry Hogan, Republican Maryland gov: Now is the worst possible time to reopen. — Talking Points Memo

Here's the White House guidelines for reopening, whatever, I'm not reading that fucking thing. (CNN)

Okay,, I will meet Kizzmekia Corbett, the 34-year-old scientist who is leading the vaccine efforts, mostly because she is very beautiful.

There is a ... MAGA metal man? and he wants to fight Ice T, or Ice T wants to fight him? and he is yelling at First Amendment lawyers on twitter? Oh, who knows, but there are like NO FUCKING INTERESTING TABS IN THE WORLD TODAY, so here you go.

LOL Mark Meadows thought he'd be the chief of staff President Trump listened to LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. (NYT)

I used to call into radio stations and sound like this, but it was five in the morning and I was in college and on drugs.

Oh good, this doctor who charges Medicaid for praying with patients is the anti-vaxxer Flathead County board of health member who thinks coronavirus deaths are a hoax, and she's right up the road from us in Montana, hooray! (Rolling Stone)

Hi meet this 150-feet-long sea creature that looks like silly string maybe? Cool. (New York Times)

You almost gotta admire this shameless stupid ugly crooked broey piece of shit.

Sorry, there is nothing interesting at all yestertoday, and [crabby whiny venting deleted, you are welcome] ok sorry sorry sorry bye.

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