The Stupidest Man On The Internet's History Of Stupid Gay Stories: A Stupid Review

Mean? Maybe to Butthead.

So Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, came out Monday as a gay homosexual, and said it's time for American gay homosexual people to "come home" to the abusive family where they really belong: The Republican Party of Donald J. Trump, because Donald J. Trump will keep them safe from scary Muslims. We wouldn't dream of trying to top what our own Evan Hurst has already said on Hoft's bizarre tirade, because we are smart enough to never start a land war in Asia or turn our back on a Sicilian when death is on the line. But Hoft's announcement sure did make us want to go back and take a look at what Jim Hoft has actually written about The Gays over the years.

Our impression was that Hoft had never been a screaming anti-gay crusader -- he's an intellectually and ethically bankrupt moron who changes or deletes his blog posts when he's called out as inaccurate, never acknowledging the edits. Since Ferguson, Gateway Pundit has become such a magnet for racists that it may as well just be renamed Stormfront Lite (when the comments start getting noticed by Us Liberals, Hoft prunes out the worst ones and posts a reminder that racists aren't welcome).

But screamingly anti-gay? We actually didn't remember much of that. Dude is more into weird accusations that Beyoncé is racist for not recruiting any white Black Panther dancers or mocking stupid climate scientists because 175 people died in a winter cold spell, thereby disproving global warming. He had a good laugh over that one.

So we did a little searching that you can replicate yourself. Just Google "gay" and see what stories pop up. Mostly, you'll get stuff from the last day since Hoft came out -- he appears to be enjoying the chance to be a gay conservative, and good for him, even if he ended up being very excited about about an apparently fake gay group's "endorsement" of Donald Trump. In typical Hoft fashion, he "updated" his post by noting that the Twitter account was created Sunday night, after the Orlando massacre. Not mentioned? The tiny detail that no known gay organization is behind the Twitter account.

Hoft's stories on gay issues over the past few years mostly fall into three general categories:

Radical Muslims Murder/Oppress Gays, And Why Don't Western Liberals Care?

The point in these stories is that radical Islam (which is all Islam) is THE WORST, oh, and also the American left is full of hypocrites since it won't support eradicating Islam, which is killing gays. Somewhat lost in these stories: the detail that ISIS and other radical terror groups are opposed by Muslim governments, and that the radicals' primary targets are other Muslims who don't do Islam good enough for ISIS. Hoft is also fond of stories about the scary Muslim migrants in Europe committing crimes, because they're all criminals. A sampling:

Hoft's comment on that last one, from April 2016:

Incidents like this have occurred with alarming frequency over the last few years but the left is so busy calling American conservatives homophobes that they rarely notice.

What we find weird about these stories is that somehow, it's not enough for liberals to condemn all crimes against gays. No, liberals are particularly evil for not agreeing with Hoft that such crimes are essentially Islamic in their motivation, rather than, say, rooted in homophobic bigotry of the very kind that inspired American pastors Scott Lively and Rick Warren to help Uganda write its anti-gay laws. Uganda's kill-the gays law did get a brief mention in 2014 -- by a guest columnist who mocked the notion that American evangelicals helped create it. Also missing from Hoft's parade of third-world atrocities against gays: Those committed by African "Christians," like the 2011 killing of gay activist David Kato in Uganda, or Ugandan tabloids outing gays and urging their murder with headlines reading "Hang Them!" Hoft did mention the executions of gays in Uganda last year: as an excuse to berate Apple CEO Tim Cook for objecting to Indiana's anti-LGBT law while still doing business in Uganda and other countries which execute gays. How's this for a gotcha? "If Tim Cook really wanted to help gays, he might want to focus on the Apple customers who execute them." Things are worse somewhere else, so it's obscene to complain about injustice here. Unless a black CEO suggests a diverse workforce might be a good idea, which means it's time to boycott Sam's Club.

Gays Oppress Christians By Demanding 'Equality' As If They Deserved It

These are a big favorite on the Gateway Pundit. He even made up a logo for it! We'll only put up a couple headlines, because you know all about those pushy gays, insisting on wedding cakes instead of fighting radical Islam the way they should.

You get the idea: Gays are destroying religious freedom, and in some cases, actively terrorizing Christians, refusing to allow them the freedom to do business with whom they want. (Does Wonkette need to condemn the idiots who threatened the bakers? We do! No one should ever threaten anybody with rape!) We'll include this story under this category, though it's mostly just bitching that a gay person got a job he didn't deserve because of affirmative action, leaving hundreds of better-qualified straights unemployed, we guess:

This story, of course, also falls into the ever popular "Everything Obama does is bad" category.

Gays Make Up All The (Non-Islamic) Attacks On Gays. And Gays Do Terrible Crimes Themselves

You won't hear much about hate crimes against gays at the Gateway Pundit if they weren't perpetrated by Muslims. But you will hear about all the thousands of (or three or four) fake hate crimes perpetrated by gays to make it seem like homophobia is a problem in America, which it most definitely is not.

And then there's the subgenre of stories about how the media has "covered up" the fact that some heinous criminal was gay:

One type of story mostly absent from Hoft's site, however: While there's plenty of panic about the radical gay leftists trying to destroy good Christian-owned businesses, Hoft almost never pandered to the Gays as Moral Degenerates narrative. Apart, of course, from stories about gays lying about hate crimes. But Gateway Pundit articles are largely free of stories about how the Gays are indoctrinating children with gay propaganda or sneaking stories about gay penguins into the children's section of the library. There are a few, like his story last summer about a high school anti-bullying conference that supposedly "included lessons on lesbian strap-ons and anal sex. Because being nice to your school mates includes lesbian strap-ons." Or a guest post from Mara Zebest, who insisted that "government schools" in New York forced middle-schoolers to roleplay lesbian dating scenarios, complete with kissing, but stopping short of the really hardcore stuff like buying a Subaru together.

Hoft also has his share of paranoia about trans people, who are far scarier than plain old gay people:

But for the most part, Jim Hoft's culture wars focus on the threats posed by leftists, scary militant urban blacks, and scariest of all, radical jihadists who will kill everyone. He always left the foaming at the mouth hatred of gays to his commenters, who'd post stuff like the rainbow flag with a swastika on it, explanations of how The Gays are all going to hell, and yes, the gays-are-pedophiles bigotry that Hoft himself never stooped to, but was happy to let his fans share amongst themselves. Besides, now his readers are in agreement that they all hate Muslims more than gays, so all is well.

Update/correction: Friend of Wonkette Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs advises us we were a bit too generous in saying Hoft has generally avoided the "gays R indoctrinating your children!" trope. While he hasn't done that lately, a number of his older pieces, including this one, did exactly that. Consider this sample paragraph from that 2010 post (lots of broken links when you try to actually find examples of the supposed horrors):

For the record, Obama’s “safe” schools czar has been pushing porn books into our children’s classrooms for nearly twenty years. His GLSEN organization’s recommended books include stories of first graders having orgies in the bathroom and teenagers being raped. The children’s books he promoted have pictures of men having sex while boy scouts watch. GLSEN’s recommended reading for teens also includes pamphlets promoting leather bars and public sex in parks. His organization that he founded in the ’90’s and led until 2008 still pushes these books and several other child porn books on 7th through 12th grade students. The safe schools czar organization GLSEN held conferences where they lectured on fisting to children and handed out fisting packs to children.

So yeah, Hoft used to warn that the Gheys were teaching children how to experiment with fisting. Wonkette regrets the error of thinking he was better than he was.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc