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"When I give a speech, I tell it like a story," Brad Parscale told ProPublica when confronted by reporters Peter Elkind and Doris Burke with the massive shitpile of lies that make their way into his paid speeches. "My story is my story." Which is basically true, as far as it goes. The president's campaign manager is a shameless hustler, and the biography he peddles -- for $25,000 to $40,000 per appearance -- is definitely a hustle devoid of shame.

Here's how Ol' Neckpubes described his first job out of college in 1999 and his first marriage.

In his Miami speech, Parscale said he had "just had my first child, married" when he moved out to California, along with "an adopted son," before the failure of Electric Image and the loss of his job, "within a few months" of the 2001 World Trade Center attacks, sent him reeling. "In a year of that, I lost my wife. Not died — separated. … We got divorced, ended back in Texas."

Which is entirely correct, except that the child was born in 1999, Parscale didn't marry her mother until 2003, he never adopted his first wife's child, and they weren't separated until 2004. Which appears to be more than a year after 2001. But maybe we just can't math good since we didn't go to an Ivy League school like Brad Parscale.

He graduated from Trinity University in San Antonio in 1999, majoring in international business and economics. (He regularly describes it, incorrectly, as an Ivy League school.)

Hahahahahaha!

A-HEM.

Okay, just one more.


In his Miami speech, Parscale described the Trump Organization call as coming at a moment when he was still struggling. "At this point," he said, "I have six employees. … I'm living in an $80,000 house, driving a Dodge Charger." In fact, in 2012, Giles-Parscale had a staff of 30. Parscale lived in a $500,000 home with a swimming pool on a golf course and drove a Lexus.

Lexus, Dodge Charger, it's easy to get confused. It's probably an honest mistake. Like when Parscale told Dead Breitbart's Home For Broken Toys that he was only taking a $300,000 "retainer" plus "bonuses" to run Trump's 2020 campaign, saying, "I don't do this for a percentage. I do this for my country and for President Trump." He probably just forgot that his companies have taken in $18 million from the RNC and $4.8 million from Trump-associated PACs.

So far, so hilarious. But the real story here is about the president's people cannibalizing the RNC so that it functions solely to protect Donald Trump's orange ass, leaving other Republicans without the tools that they need in their races. Not that we're mad about that! If Parscale wants to lean on the RNC to hide numbers showing that Trump is a drag on down-ballot candidates, that is fine by Your Wonkette.

One previously unreported example: Since Trump's election in 2016, critical "voter scores" — sophisticated polling-based analytics that the RNC provides to party committees and candidates — have conspicuously omitted an essential detail for any down-ballot race: how voters in specific states and congressional districts feel about Trump. Republican insiders believe these analytics are being withheld to try and prevent GOP candidates from publicly distancing themselves from the president or leaking unfavorable results that embarrass Trump.

In the Trump era, the RNC's data operation has migrated to a private platform called The Data Trust -- which was famously hacked in 2017 -- controlled by Trump allies Katie Walsh and Mike Shields. Walsh defends the practice of withholding data from candidates not named Trump saying, "I don't think most campaigns give their data out to other campaigns for free, so I don't see why the president would be expected to. That's all data work done by the RNC, and the head of the party is the president. So it's his data."

Le RNC, c'est moi! Or perhaps Le Parti Républicain, c'est moi! Which, for those of you heathens that didn't go to an Ivy League school like Brad translates to Fuck all y'all, I got mine. Although, naturally, the full set of data will be available to support Vanky and Deej in their future political endeavors. ALLEGEDLY, according to Neck Pubes, who last week referred to the Trumps as "a dynasty that will last for decades" in politics.

But perhaps we should take that with a very large grain of salt, considering the source. Parscale, whose greatest whopper may be the myth of his own digital business acumen, sold his digital services company Giles-Parscale in 2017 for $1 million in cash, plus shares in the purchasing company. The buyer CloudCommerce Inc. was then trading at less than a penny per share. Nonetheless, Parscale told friends that it was headed for the NASDAQ Stock Exchange, and the deal was destined to net him $9 million dollars or more. Today CloudCommerce is trading for ... less than a penny per share. Womp womp.

[ProPublica]

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