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[Scene: Secret Wonkette chatcave]

Wonkette 1: We need another couple posts before midnight.

Wonkette 2: Yes, but what should they BEEEEEEEEE?

Individual 1: WHAT ABOUT A POST ABOUT ALL THE STABLE GENIUS TWEETS I SENT TODAY?

Wonkette 1: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CHATCAVE, DONALD TRUMP.

Wonkette 3 (Evan): How about 2018's hottest baby and dog names for insufferable #Resistance people who are obsessed with the Russia investigation? SPOILER, the hottest baby name is "Muellyr" with a Y, and the dog name is "George Pup-A-Dup-Oulos."

Wonkette 1: No.

Wonkette 3 (Evan): OK fine, then we will just do a countdown of the best numbers between 10 and one for people to use when they are counting down to midnight tonight. It will have a JOKE SURPRISE in it.

Yes Wonkers, that's right, that's what's happening right now. Please do try to keep up, as this is one of the most complex posts we will ever publish at this here website. We have scheduled it for two hours before the ball drops, so you have time to practice but not so much time you forget.


10.

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9.

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8.

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7.

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6.

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5.

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4.

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3.

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2.

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1.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

No, we hadn't started drinking yet when we wrote this post. You think we need adult substances to create such brilliance? PFFFFFFT.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is supported ONLY by YOU. Thank you for everything this year, and help us out only if you are able!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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