The 'Vaccine Police' Guy Trying To Citizen's Arrest Your Governor Is A Former Snake Oil Salesman

The 'Vaccine Police' Guy Trying To Citizen's Arrest Your Governor Is A Former Snake Oil Salesman

One of the first things Christopher Key seems to like to say about himself is that he was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. The natural assumption people might make upon hearing this is that he posed for the cover of Sports Illustrated and is some kind of athlete who is famous in a sport we know nothing about. Or that he is famous for being healthy in some capacity.

Key has made a name for himself over the last year by designating himself the "vaccine police," sporting a realistic-looking badge and going around telling pharmacy workers they're going to be executed for violating the Nuremberg laws by vaccinating people. More recently, he has announced his plans to do a citizen's arrest of Louisiana Governor John Bel Edwards.

Via The Daily Beast:

Christopher Key, the leader of the anti-COVID-19 vaccine group “Vaccine Police,” said Wednesday he’s going to take the law into his own hands, pledging to conduct a citizen’s arrest of Louisiana Gov. John Bel Edwards. “I am the vaccine police,” Key said on Clay Clark’s daily show. “We have shut down pharmacists. We have shut down boards of education. And we will be arresting the governor of Louisiana on February the 7th if he does not stand down and not vaccinate the children of Louisiana.” He continued that he would conduct the arrest “out of love” because “they are trying to start a civil war” and “coming for our children.”

No one has shut down any pharmacists or school boards; that is a lie, just as it is a lie that he will be arresting the governor of Louisiana in February, or ever. Because performing a "citizen's arrest" on someone who did not commit a felony is just kidnapping. What does he think he's gonna do? Walk straight up to Edwards and put him under arrest, perhaps in handcuffs, and any security people around are just gonna go, "Oh, well, he has a badge! Guess we better just let him handle this and definitely not tackle him like he's a potential assassin, which he is."

Key, it turns out, kind of just likes to make up his own rules about things. For instance, he was never actually "on the cover" of Sports Illustrated.

Rather, there was an article about Key on the cover of Sports Illustrated in February of 2013, and it was not particularly complimentary. The article was titled "Snake Oil For Sale And The Athletes Who, Science Be Damned, Think It Might Work."

Sports illustrated cover, man in ocean praying.

Key was the one selling the snake oil. More specifically, he was selling "Deer Antler Velvet" spray, a product he claims works as a legal form of steroids but which — no surprise — is not scientifically proven to do anything at all for humans. The claim was that the spray and other deer antler products contained IGF-1 (insulin-like growth factor), a substance that is otherwise banned in professional sports, but "wouldn't count" against athletes because it was the "natural" form of IGF-1 instead of the synthetic. However, as IGF-1 cannot be absorbed through the skin or orally, the spray and pills didn't actually do anything for athletes other than helping them waste a bunch of money.

According to Dr. Terry Simpson, "Deer Antler Spray is less effective than aspirin, and if it contains any IGF-1, it contains less than if you eat a steak."

In addition to the deer antler velvet, he also sold magic stickers that he claimed would prevent athletes from being weakened by cell phones, which he claimed could infiltrate their energy fields and "zap" them like a Taser.

Via Sports Illustrated:

Stocky and genial, with short black hair carefully curled at his forehead, Key began by telling the players that there would be thousands of cellphones in the Superdome the following night and that frequencies from those phones would be swirling through their bodies. "They're going to affect you guys very negatively," Key said rapidly and with a twang. "We figured out a way to manipulate that so that you aren't affected . . . [to] give you strength, give you balance, give you flexibility and help with pain." [...]

And then Key passed out his remedy for the frequencies: stickers, which he calls chips, bearing holograms of a pyramid. Key told the players that on game day they should place the chips on three acupuncture points—one on the inside of each wrist before they tape their arms (the chips also come embedded in bracelets), and one over the heart. "It's going to help your heart have so much more energy," he said. "Come the fourth quarter, you guys will not be gassed at all."

He also sold "negatively charged" water, swine flu fighting lightbulbs, and some kind of magic powder.

Like the star of an infomercial flush with catchphrases — "Guys, this stuff is beyond real!" — Key also showed the players gallon jugs of "negatively charged" water, which he claimed would afford them better hydration because it adheres like a magnet to the body's cells. Then he held up a canister containing a powder additive, to be mixed in water or juice, that he said had put muscle mass on a woman who was in a coma, and an oscillating "beam ray" lightbulb that could "knock out" the swine flu virus in 90 minutes. Finally, he pulled out a bottle of deer-antler spray (which also comes in pill form). Adrian Hubbard, a linebacker sitting on one of the queen beds, said he already had some, but Key explained its benefits for the others.

Although his focus has turned, he still promotes a whole lot of junk science on his website, directing people to buy magic weight loss bracelets, apricot seeds (which don't "fight cancer" but will make you very sick thanks to all of the cyanide in them), and a Miracle Mineral Solution knock-off (AKA bleach), sold on a website that talks about "bloodline families" (illuminati conspiracy stuff). Behold, a screenshot of the very normal pro-bleach-drinking video featured on the website.

Man in vest and bow-tie holding gun, top secret stamp, 'they are lying to you' stamp.

All of this is to say that this is not Christopher Key's first time at the Scamming People With Pseudoscience Rodeo. Like many others in his field, he has latched onto the anti-vaxx movement, likely realizing that these people will absolutely spend piles of money to huff deer antlers before they do anything an actual scientist or doctor suggests they do.

[Daily Beast]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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