The Washington Racial Slurs Are Ready To 'Review' Their Racist Football Team Name


After decades of bad publicity, boycotts, and newspapers and websites changing their style guides to refer to them only as the Washington Football Team, the owners of the Washington Racial Slurs are officially on their way to doing a review to see if they should maybe possibly consider doing something about the fact that their team name is super racist and offensive.

The Washington team has long clung to its terrible and offensive team name like they just leapt off the Titanic and it was the only door/raft for miles, despite the condemnation they've received. They've fought back against that condemnation with the help of people pretending to be Native Americans who were super jazzed about the team name and did not want it to change. There is no question that keeping the team name has cost them more time and money than changing it to something not racist ever would have.

There is little question that for Dan Snyder, it has been "the principle of the thing." He calls it a "badge of honor." He doesn't want to change it because he is scared of a world where that term is considered unacceptable. A world where that word is unacceptable is a world where he has less social power than he is comfortable with.

But, following pressure from FedEx (which owns the stadium they play in) and a country where most people are just straight up done with that kind of bullshit, the franchise has released a statement announcing the impending "thorough review" of the team name.

In light of recent events around our country and feedback from our community, the Washington Redskins are announcing the team will undergo a thorough review of the team's name. This review formalizes the initial discussions the team has been having with the league in recent weeks.

Dan Snyder, Owner of the Washington Redskins, stated "This process allows the team to take into account not only the proud tradition and history of the franchise, but also input from our alumni, the organization, the National Football League and the local community it is proud to represent on and off the field.

Ron Rivera, Head Coach of the Washington Redskins remarked "This issue is of personal importance to me and I look forward to working closely with Dan Snyder to make sure we continue the mission of honoring and supporting Native Americans and our Military.

We believe this review can and will be conducted with the best interest of all in mind.

Or — just hear me out here — they could just change the damn name and get it over with and no one would ever have to have this stupid discussion again.

What would a review even mean? Are they just gonna sit there and hear from everyone on earth and their feelings about whether it is good or bad that their team name is a racial slur?

Make a list of pros and cons?

Finally come up with an argument so good that will make everyone go "You know what? It IS great that their football team name is a racial slur!" and end the whole thing with an uplifting freeze frame high five?

Stall for time until the world moves on to another issue and hope they can shut everyone up about it until it becomes an issue again next year? And then the year after that? And the year after that? And also the year after that?

Because this really is not going to end for them until they change the name.

I would say this could be a world record for defending the honor of an obviously bad thing that everyone understands is bad, if there were not still people out there trying to defend the Confederacy, McCarthyism, and even the Crusades.

Perhaps if they are not sure of their ability to "honor and support Native Americans and our Military" without having their team name be an insulting term for Native Americans, they could change their name to an insulting term for members of the military instead. Surely, that would be appreciated.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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