The Week In Garbage Men: Isn't Lipstick Just Like Wearing A Boner On Your Face?
Lipstick! It is a thing that many of us put on our faces. When we go out, when we go to work, and sometimes when we are at home by ourselves spending way too much time trying to do YouTube makeup tutorials and then getting tired and not going out after all. But do we really think about lipstick? No, I am not talking about just when one is schlepping around Sephora trying to find a red that is comparable to NARS' Cruella because for some (cruel) reason they are out of it on the very day you went to go get a new one. I am talking about the fact that it is like a boner for your face.
On Friday, far-right Canadian podcaster Stefan Molyneux (rhymes with douchecanoe) took to Twitter to complain about how very unfair it is that women can wear "female lipstick" to business meetings, and yet he, a man, cannot walk around with a giant fake boner all the time. What gives?
Gosh, I never thought of it that way before. Let's bring codpieces back into vogue, shall we? Surely, it is the only way to address this terrible injustice.
It should come as no surprise that Stefan Molyneux is in no way original and that lipstick, and it's relation to sexual arousal, has been a very sore point for MRAs and MGTOWs for many years now.
"If a young female waitress wears a low-cut top to show off her prests, short skirt and red lipstick to imitate sexually aroused labia; is she sexually harassing me?
TL:DR: All of the older men at my job are retiring and being replaced with women, and the women come to work wearing lipstick (like sluts!) and I don't like it!
That post also produced this gem of a comment, which I have chosen not to edit for clarity:
Because female don't work on the job itself, they work on the social environment they are in. To do stuff they simply ask one guy how to do it and then repeat the same step. I work as a computer scientist at my university, all women are like this, alway asking to other guys how to do stuffs. Those times a girl had to work by herself the script was bad because she forgot that garbage collector existed...
And then there's this one, in which a Man Going His Own Way listed all of the things "females" do to attract men — so that we can seduce them and then divorce them and then collect all of those sweet sweet alimony checks.
Everything females do it to attract men. Here's a list:
Fine stockings: to cover up blotches, spots and veins.
Shave legs: so clumps of leg hair don't show through or poke through the stockings.
Lipstick: to simulate the flood of blood to the lips during sex.
Blusher: to simulate the flush of blood to the cheers during flirting.
Eyeshadow and liner: to simulate bruising to insinuate velnerablikty and need for protection.
Long shiny hair: sign of good health
Stiletto heels: simulates the tension of leg muscles displeyed as if in human history a female would grab a branch and stand on toes to get her genitals in position for taller male.
Corsets: to simulate the narrow waist a male sees when taking a female from behind.
This is collected from my 30 yrs in fashion. Anyone have some to add?
Yes, not only do we wear lipstick to make it look like we are sexing you up RIGHT NOW, but we also wear eyeshadow so that you think our eyelids are bruised. So we look "velnerabilkt" and the men protect us. Obviously!
Also if you kiss a man's face while you have lipstick on, it is because you want to prove he is a beta:
I am, however, very unclear on what this has to do with space travel. Then again, it seems like these idiots can make just about anything about going to outer space. It really is too bad that we can't send them all there.
This is now your open thread! Enjoy!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse