The Week In Ridiculous Men: DudeRobes, Sexual Harassment 'Prevention' And MORE
Hello! And welcome to the roundup of male absurdity that I totally promised I was gonna start doing and then kind of forgot about because other stuff was happening! I remembered it this week though, because OH BOY is there ever a lot of material to work with.
First off! BEHOLD THE DUDEROBE, the latest in #masculinitysofragile wear. Surprisingly NOT brought to you by whoever it was trying to get the "romphim" to take off, but rather by some dude with a Kickstarter.
It is a robe, but for dudes. Unlike all the other robes for men out there. You can tell that it is for dudes, because it says DUDEROBE on the hood, and the O in ROBE is a man sign. So no one will accidentally think you are a lady. Because robes are for ladies, as proven by FRANCE.
Yes, because if you wear any other kind of robe, you run the risk of this happening to you.
Because obviously, that is what all other robes look like. Unlike the dude robe, which is for dudes.
Now, as a blogger, I am very committed to #RobeLife. I support the purchasing of robes for everyone. I have like nine robes. My fella does not wear my robes, he wears the robe I got him for his birthday, that is also a robe made for men. Because robes for men have always existed anyway. They just did not have giant man symbols on their hoods.
The robe I picked out is actually better than this robe, because it is super long, and you don't need to wear pants with it, as that is ridiculous. "No pants" is basically the whole reason for wearing a robe. That, and having a thing to wear from the shower to the bedroom.
Or like, for eating chicken standing up, next to a hot lady, like this manly man is doing.
ANYWAY! Following Trump's tweets about Mika Brezinski, you may have thought to yourself "Who would defend this? No one could defend this, it is awful." Well, I knew exactly who would be defending it, so I (intrepid reporter that I am) marched right on over to the the The_Donald subreddit to see how they were going to spin this into a thing that was awesome. Because that is literally what they do with everything he does that is terrible.
And lo and behold, I found this gem. From someone who clearly knows all about what women like, sexually.
Ugh, you know he wants this to be true so badly. Like, more for himself than anything else. It's actually really amazing how desperately committed male Trump supporters are to wanting to believe that women secretly find Donald Trump sexually appealing. It's a whole thing for them and it is very sad. Like they just really need to believe that 70-year-old men who smell like fake tanner and expired ketchup mixed with cheap cologne (probably) and who behave like eight-year-old school yard bullies are what does it for all of us.
Speaking of Reddit, over on the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, I found this guy's "Simple Solution To Sexual Harassment."
After reading the last NYT article about sexual harassment, it seems to me that women want to exploit sexual attraction to flirt their way to the top, but don't want to deal with the obvious consequences. In other words, they want to manipulate men using their sexuality, but when men express their desires they are disgusting pigs.
So my suggestion is: let's interact with women coldly and professionally, and see what happens! (Hint: tried it, they will totally hate you and spread fake gossips about you)
YEAH. If women don't like us complimenting their tits, just wait till we stop harassing them! And act like jerks in another way entirely! That'll teach 'em! Then they'll be begging for some nice sexual harassment!
One of the responses to this was particularly special.
"If men, as a collective, were to suddenly cease any and all flirtatious conduct with women entirely, we all know what the female reaction would be. They'd instantly turn into shrieking harpies, unable to handle the lack of male attention, and would immediately resort to shaming men with comments intended to emasculate and denigrate the very traits which they (the women) are supposedly attracted to.
This is feminism, folks. It's just more giant shit tests by women, designed specifically to marginalize and destroy men, while simultaneously elevating females to positions of unlimited power with zero accountability. And this is the direction our culture has been headed for quite some time now, and there is absolutely no sign of it abating or ending anytime soon.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA! We never wanted equality after all! We just wanted men to be miserable! -- all the feminists.
That particular missive, by the by, inspired another commenter to say "Take the vote from women and you get that tackled in one generation." Guess they can dream.
Over on Return of Kings, noted-mom's-basement-dweller Roosh V explained that women who don't have children are "crazy" and suffering from "pseudopregnancy" like his "girlfriend's" dog and that's why they care about refugees.
The barren human female also displays aggression against those who threaten her “children.” If you try to take away a tennis ball of a bitch who has false pregnancy, she will attack you. The same happens if you try to “take away” the brown migrants that a human female has coveted. She will be vicious in calling you racist, fascist, literally Hitler, and whatever bad man of history that she happens to remember from her history classes in high school.
Yes, that surely does explain a lot. Except for the millions and millions of people out there who also care about refugees and are not women who have not had children. Except for that.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse