The Week In The World's Most Garbagey Man, Donald Trump Jr.


Donald Trump Jr., the president's first born and likely first indicted, boasts the incompetence and idiocy of Fredo Corleone but without the goodnatured amiability. Movies don't usually feature characters like Trump Jr. because they'd just be two-dimensional assholes, and there's no art in that. We're still searching in fact for Trump Jr.'s second dimension.

This week had several examples of why everyone hates Junior, including his own father and whoever came in contact with him last. It's only Thursday and God knows what he might do tomorrow, but we have only so much space.

Donald Trump Jr. Hates Teachers

Trump Jr. went out in front of the crowd at his father's El Paso hate rally Tuesday and insulted the people who teach our kids how to read and, most importantly, keep them out of our homes for most of the day. This was probably even a scripted remark because Trump Jr. guessed no one at the rally was a teacher or had fond memories of "learning."

TRUMP JR.: I love seeing some young conservatives because I know it's not easy.

It is remarkably easy being a young conservative. The persecution complex of the 21st Century white male is brobdingnagian. Chill out, white dudes, you're gonna be OK!

TRUMP JR.: Keep up that fight. Bring it to your schools. You don't have to be indoctrinated by these loser teachers that are trying to sell you on socialism from birth. You can think for yourselves. They can't.

Yeesh, what did a teacher ever do to Trump Jr.? The ones at his fancy private schools at least regularly cashed the checks his father wrote so he wouldn't flunk his remedial asshole classes. It's a little distasteful for Trump to suggest kids bring the "fight" to "loser teachers." He's co-writing the manifestos of potential school shooters. Today is the anniversary of the senseless yet entirely preventable massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. Three teachers died defending the lives of their students. We can all guess how Trump Jr. would respond in a similar life or death situation. Show some respect.

Conservatives have gotten it into their heads that teachers are "selling" socialism to kids like your former college classmate sells weight-loss supplements on Facebook. If Nancy Reagan did her "Just Say No" push now, the "drug" would be socialism and the "dealers" the teachers who point out that the earth is round and dinosaurs existed.

Donald Trump Jr. Is A Shameless Hypocrite

Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar tweeted some anti-Semitic silliness last week, and this shocked and appalled Trump Jr., who is known for his cultural sensitivity. You might recall that Trump Jr. compared Mexicans to animals in a hilarious tweet last month that he quickly deleted. Perhaps a "loser teacher" clued him in on how this was a common anti-Semitic dehumanizing tactic.

Trump insists that "liberal media" went easy on the "obviously anti-Semitic" Omar. If she is branded an anti-Semite forever and always because of one bad tweet, what does that make Junior, who expressed his delight over his father's racist comments about Senator Elizabeth Warren. During the 2016 campaign, Trump Jr. also grossly compared Syrian refugees to Skittles candy. He probably lacks the moral authority to criticize Omar, by which we mean "definitely" and "GTFO."

Donald Trump Jr. Has Never Read The Constitution

Trump Jr. and other conservatives of limited intellectual capacity have argued "TREASON" because former acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe claimed there were talks of possibly removing President Traitor after he allegedly committed a whole bunch of crimes too lengthy to get into right now. Just search our archives.

There is a thing called "the Constitution." Section 4 of the 25th Amendment addresses what to do if the president is incapacitated, unable or -- and this is key -- unwilling to carry out their duties as commander in chief. The process outlined is pretty much exactly what McCabe claims was initiated. It's unclear how Trump Jr. or the other conservatives crying "COUP!" think you can implement the 25th Amendment without actually sitting down and planning something. They probably also assume Christmas celebrations just sort of happen each year, much to their spouses' annoyance.

Man, Trump Jr. really shouldn't have have burned that bridge with all those teachers. He could use their help.

Donald Trump Jr. Is An Idiot About Elections And Everything Else

This morning, Trump Jr. wondered aloud if "swing state" (it's not a swing state) New Mexico would flip from blue to red in 2020, as part of a Trump Tsunami. Hillary Clinton carried the state by 8 points in 2016. Democrats handily won everything available to win in 2018. Why does Trump Jr. think New Mexico is suddenly a battleground? He actually believes the fantasy figures that Trump's campaign manager Brad Parscale shared with gullible people.

We've established that Parscale can't count for shit, so we wouldn't put much stock in his demographic data. If 70 percent of the people attending Trump's stupid rally were actually Hispanic, they would've erected a wall around the stadium.

Donald Trump Jr. Loves The Gays Just This Once

CNN's Jake Tapper joked a few weeks ago that Roger Stone might "like" being in prison. Tapper wasn't referring to Stone's sexuality, which no one regardless of orientation should ever think about. He merely suggested that Stone craved attention and might enjoy martyring himself for the president.

Trump Jr. however joined a lot of conservatives in decrying Tapper as "homophobic." They are Republicans. We find the sudden disgust at perceived homophobic behavior (in this case, nonexistent) a tad insincere when the present administration has a Mike Pence.

Trump Jr. has himself been accused of posting homophobic memes on social media ... like literally a just a few weeks ago, so let the dust settle, dude. He also applauded the Supreme Court decision that allowed a Colorado "Christian" to refuse to bake cakes for gay couples because of his sincerely held beliefs that they are "icky."

Well, that's all the time we have today for this week's installment of "How Much Donald Trump Jr. Sucks." Tune in next week when we're sure he'll suck some more.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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