• Kathleen Parker recalls a high school book report and undergoes a severe mental paroxysm during which she realizes that if it weren't for narcissists like her, bloggers would have piloted the planet into the sun by now.

• Dick Cheney: he's in, he's out, he's in, he's out...why can't he be more like his daughter?

• Peter Baker and Jim VandeHei look back on 2005 with selective remembrances and rose-colored glasses.

• All dogs go to heaven, you know.

• Maureen Dowd infuses inscrutability with epochal melodrama.

• Hate to say I told you so, but we're not getting the government we wanted to get in Iraq.

• George Bush ain't gonna take no more shit from tsunamis.

• The Intelligent Designer doesn't have to be God, you know. Alien overlords who travel through time, why not?

• The only losers in the stupid War On Christmas are the stupid people who ruined their own stupid Christmas by stupidly insisting that such a stupid war existed in the first place.— DCEIVER