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The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Let's Cold War With The Soviets Over The Arctic Circle!

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It's getting warm again, which means it's time for for the polar ice caps to start melting, and for gloriousNorthwest Passages to open up everywhere, and for shipping and extraction and all things industrial to bloom.


The boat ride from Shanghai to Hamburg is a lot quicker this way, but I don't know, shit feels weird. Ironically, we would save millions of tonnes of fuel by using these routes. Maybe even enough tonnes of fuel for the ice to freeze back over! Also and in addition, better hope there's not a spill up there while they drill baby drill. (Shit would get real.)

Yeah, there's oil up there, waiting to be extracted. Probably 15% or so of the world's undiscovered reserves. Also gold, diamonds, everything really. And as the ice melts and giant ribbons of this stuff become exposed for the first time ever, expect a new gold rush up there in the coming years, and like every gold rush, people will be trying to murder each other to get the gold, so we will have a fun new cold war driven by insatiable CEOs of oil companies and the like. No wonder Mitt Romney considers "the Soviets" to be Enemy Number One.

Also and lastly, if a Swedish plane hadn't crashed last month, we'd have never found out about these awesome NATO war games, which included a scenario in which "a 'strange group of people' have settled in northern Sweden and established a state called 'Gardaland' from which they have invaded an area in Norway, after which NATO intervenes under a United Nations mandate." Which sounds about right.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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