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The Year In Garbage Men. In So Many, Many Garbage Men.

Culture Wars

Misogyny had a big year in 2018! We had MGTOWS and incels a plenty. We had Jordan Peterson fans galore. You want Ross Douthats? I'm glad there's not 20, because honestly one is enough and why does even the one have a column in The New York Times? We also had a ton of Nazis and Proud Boys and Alt-Right and Alt-Light people and other terrible people, who -- apart from a few "I'm totally on YOUR side, fellas! Please tell me I'm fuckable!" ladies here and there -- tend to mostly be men. Why? Because like 90% of all shittiness is boner-related. Freud was not that wrong.

But I digress! Here are a few of the fellas who made 2018 a somewhat more unbearable time to be a woman.


Jordan Peterson

Have you already forgotten about Jordan Peterson and his league of lobstermen? Because honestly I kind of block him out as much as I can most of the time, personally. So just in case you need a refresher, here are some of the things we had to say about his dumb ass in 2018.

Wonksplainer: Who Is Jordan Peterson And Why Is He The Worst?

Jordan Peterson Somehow Worse Today Than Yesterday

Jordan Peterson Shocked, Shocked To Find Anti-Semitism Is Going On In His Establishment!

This year, Peterson managed to rally together a massive, rag tag bunch of every dude you have ever regretted speaking to for more than five minutes and thrill them by telling them to clean their rooms and also telling them that they should be allowed to be as rude as they want to people with no social or career-related consequences whatsoever. Oh! And also that women should be more equally distributed among them so they don't have to go and kill anyone about that. Man! He was terrible. It would be really amazing if we never had to hear anything about him or the "intellectual dark web" again in 2019, but I'm almost afraid we'll get something worse. Also, someone should check on his colon, what with his red meat and salt diet.

Ross Douthat

Jordan Peterson and the incels were not the only ones advocating for a redistribution of vaginas this year. We also had Ross Douthat, who also suggested that we could prevent incels from murdering with the one weird trick of somehow forcing women to have sex with them.

"[F]irst it brings me to the case of Robin Hanson, a George Mason economist, libertarian and noted brilliant weirdo. Commenting on the recent terrorist violence in Toronto, in which a self-identified "incel" — that is, involuntary celibate — man sought retribution against women and society for denying him the fornication he felt that he deserved, Hanson offered this provocation: If we are concerned about the just distribution of property and money, why do we assume that the desire for some sort of sexual redistribution is inherently ridiculous?

Good lord that was fucking terrible.

Then there was the time that Ross Douthat, who does not approve of people having sex or orgasms ever, mind you, lamented that people were probably having less sex because conservatives lost the porn wars and now everyone can just masturbate to porn instead of having actual sex.

Remind me again why he still has his job? Oh right. No one knows!

Robin Hanson

I don't mean for this to be a list of all the times asshole dudes called for the redistribution of vaginas in 2018, though it's starting to turn out that way! After that incel in Toronto murdered a bunch of people with his car because he couldn't get laid, there were just a lot of men out there who decided that the way to handle this particular issue was not to teach men how to deal with rejection like normal human beings, but to somehow find a way to pacify them with sex. Economist Robin Hanson was one of those men!

Here's what I wrote about him at the time:

Economist Robin Hanson, rather than reacting to this news like a normal human, decided that this was actually just like Les Miserables, and that the lesson to really be learned here is that there must be a "redistribution of sex." You know, because if you can understand poor people rioting against the rich because they are starving, you should totally be able to empathize with a man driving a truck into a crowd of people because no one would fuck him. While he says he cannot, for the life of him, understand why people are concerned with what he refers to as "income inequality between the families of a nation at a time (IIBFNAT)", he is very concerned with the lack of vaginas being provided to deserving men.

Yes! Poverty doesn't matter. Making sure men have free access to women's bodies, however, definitely matters.

The Incels

Incels murdered a lot of people this year. They also spent a lot of time talking online about murdering people and raping women, and getting kicked out of various forums and servers for talking online about murdering people and raping women. I spent a lot of time after these murders with my social media mentions filled with people tagging me because I was the reason they knew about incels, at least prior to the latest incel murder spree.

Alek Minassian killed ten people with his car in Toronto. Scott Paul Beierle shot up a yoga studio and killed two women. Nikolas Cruz, the Parkland school shooter, had his issues with women as well. After each of these killings, these men were hailed as heroes on the various incel message boards across the internet. Austin Rollins killed 16-year-old Jaelyn Rose Willey because she rejected him. Dimitrios Pagourtzis killed 10 people at a Santa Fe school, one of whom was a girl who had previously "turned down his advances." There were so goddamned many of them. And every time, the other incels would get on their message boards and cheer.

They're still there. They're still active on their message boards, writing diatribes about how leggings and makeup should be illegal, planning out how they'd like to go on rape sprees, screaming about Chads and Stacies. And they're still really fucking dangerous.

Brett Kavanaugh

Hey! Remember that time an accused attempted rapist became a Supreme Court Justice! That sucked.

Sex Robot Afficionados

One of the odd recurring themes this year was an announcement of some new technology in the world of sex robots, followed by a bunch of misogynists excitedly chattering about how this will really show all the women and soon the heartless real gals (not the Real Gals, who have only a foam core) will be begging for the privilege of making the incels sandwiches.

Like so!

The pool of men available for women to marry or date in a serious relationship is going to fall by at least 75%, perhaps even more. It's going to be a dating bloodbath for women. Women will be horrified, shocked, angry, and confused. They're going to try to get a boyfriend or husband, and the dating sites will be barren wastelands. The typical over age 33 woman is going to make demands of a man on or before the first or second date, and even if he's a total beta he'll just laugh at her, leave, and go fuck his Margot Robbie robot at home, who is far hotter than her and never makes demands of him.

Women are going to be screwed. For the first time in all of human history, they will be placed in direct competition with a new breed of woman that loves to fuck all day long, doesn't require any money, kindness, or obedience, is far better looking than the average, never ages, and never gains weight.

Oh my god.

This has yet to happen.

This Manic Pixie Asshat

Sometimes, the garbage men were not murdery or rapey, but instead were just hilarious. Like the time that one dude decided to Forrest Gump a piano in a park until his ex-girlfriend agreed to take him back. #NeverForget.

This Terrible Novelist Who Couldn't Get Published Because Sexism Against Men

Matthew Binder is a novelist who wrote an extraordinarily long and poorly written essay for Quillette about how he wrote the greatest novel ever written and then could not get it published because he was a white dude. It remains my favorite hate read of all time, and for that, I salute him.

Donald Fucking Trump


assets.rbl.ms

Forever and always, the most garbage man in America.

So that's it for this year. Sort of! Honestly there were just too goddamned many of them, and lots didn't make the list who definitely should have. Let's hope that next year is better?

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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