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We are not going to attempt to write you a long narrative on the twists and turns of the first year of the Trump-Russia investigation. (NOT. DOING. IT.) Where do we even start trying to encapsulate this history we're still living through? Instead, we will paste you a list of all the Russia stories we personally ourselves wrote about it in the past year, because holy shit, we have written some POSTS and this goddamn investigation has become OUR LIFE! If you are just waking up from a long nap and did not know American democracy got hijacked by a hostile foreign power and the president of the US and A may literally be a Russian intelligence asset, catch up on your reading right here!

Maybe someday we will compile these into a book and charge you one million dollars for it. (By the way, this list is in no way exhaustive. But it should give you some HILARIOUS snapshots of the hell we just lived through!)

January: We learn about Trump's ALLEGED pee hookers, Trump inaugurated, national nightmare begins.

Donald Trump Can’t Wait To Ignore Today’s Intelligence Briefing On Russian Hacking

Butthurt Donald Trump Still Butthurt About Russia Maybe Stealing Election For Him

Glenn Greenwald And Kellyanne Conway Apparently Too Stupid To Understand What Spies Do

It’s OK To Talk About Donald Trump’s Alleged Love For Wee-Wee Hookers, You Guys

Have We Gently Encouraged James Comey To Go F*ck Himself Lately?

Justice Department Will Investigate Comey Letter, Until Trump Kills The Investigation. LOL!

Sarah Palin Does Not Like Smearing Donald Trump With Pee

House Democrats SO PISSED OFF At James Comey Right Now. Let’s Irresponsibly Speculate Why!

Kellyanne Conway Wishes Everybody Would Stop Telling Donald Trump’s Russian Secrets

That Sweet Old British Spy? HE WAS TRYING TO SAVE AMERICA FROM TRUMP!

CIA Director Gently Implying FBI Ratf*cked Election For Trump

Looks Like Julian Assange Is A Common Liar (WHOA IF TRUE!)

Trump And Comey Sittin’ In A Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Donald Trump Figures He’ll Stay Married To FBI Director James Comey A Few More Years

February: Mike Flynn YOU'RE FIRED for being literal actual foreign agent.

literal actual foreign agent

Donald Trump Doesn’t Like It When You Call His Boyfriend Putin A ‘Killer’

Intelligence Community Keeping Hottest Gossip From Trump, Because He Can’t Be Trusted

DEAR MEDIA: Mike Flynn’s Resignation Does NOT Mean Trump’s Russia Scandal Is Over

Hillary Clinton’s Official Response To Mike Flynn’s Resignation Is ‘LOLOLOLOLOL!’

House GOP Won’t Investigate Russia’s Own Michael Flynn, It’s Not Like He’s Hillary Clinton!

Intelligence Community Will See Donald Trump IN HELL

Trump Russia Scandal Idiot Carter Page SO Tired Of Being Hate Crimed By Hillary Clinton

Why Are We Telling James Comey To Set His Dick On Fire Today?

Trump’s NSA Pick Tells Him To Go Get Peed On

Trump Begged FBI For Reach-Around On Russia Investigation, Because Of Course He Did

Sean Spicer So Mad At Leakers For Leaking Whatever Sean Spicer Is Saying Right Now

Dickbag Rep. Darrell Issa Wants Special Prosecutor For Trump’s Russia Scandal. Wait, What?

March: Jeff Sessions recuses! Comey testifies! Devin Nunes goes on his wild ride!

‘Obama People’ Hid Trump Russia Intel Under Couch Cushions, Behind Fridge, Just EVERYWHERE

Jeff Sessions Doing Press Conference To Announce He Did Not Have Sex With That Russian Pee Hooker

Jeff Sessions: ‘Aren’t I A Good Boy For Recusing Myself? LOOK WHAT A GOOD BOY I AM!’

Has Anyone Donald Trump Knows NOT Shared A Romantic Hot Tub With The Russian Ambassador? Your Crazy Russia Roundup!

FBI Director James Comey Tells Donald Trump To Shut His Lying Orange Yap-Hole

Craven Dicksnot Rep. Jason Chaffetz CAN’T WAIT To Investigate Obama’s ‘Wire Tapp’ On Trump!

Hey Trump, When You’ve Lost Benghazi Congressidiot Trey Gowdy, It’s Time To STFU

Trump Tied To Creepy Crimers In Whole New Country, And It Is Azerbaijan!

Mike Pence Defends Trump’s ‘Obama Wire Tapp’ Lie By HEY LOOK! SQUIRREL!

‘Fox & Friends’ Idiots Find The REAL Trump Wiretapper, And It Is Hillary Clinton!

Did A Weird Russian Spy Lady Send These Gun-Humping Trump Creeps To Moscow? WHOA IF TRUE!

Rachel Maddow Would Like To Scare The Shit Out Of You Now

Trump White House Says Trump Not Being Investigated, So That’s Obviously True

Donald Trump SHOCKED His Bestie Michael Flynn Was LITERAL Foreign Agent THIS WHOLE TIME

Remember The Weird Server In Trump Tower That Only Talks To Russia? The FBI’s Still ON IT.

White House Just Can’t Figure Out How To Lie About Foreign Agent Michael Flynn!

Justice Department Needs More Time To Find ‘Evidence’ That Obama Did ‘Wire Tapps’ To Trump

Everybody In Washington Wants A Date With FBI Director James Comey, AND HE ACCEPTS!

Dick Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Being Dick Again, This Time To Joe Scarborough

Roger Stone Car Accidented To Death By CIA, But He’s OK Now

Republicans Gettin’ MIGHTY SASSY About Trump’s Stupid ‘Wire Tapp’ Lies

Michael Flynn Took Money From Russians Too, Like He’s A Weird ‘Foreign Agent’ Or Something!

James Comey Pisses On Trump’s ‘Wire Tapp’ BS Like A Russian Pee Hooker

OMG SEAN SPICER STOP TRYING TO MAKE ‘WIRE TAPPS’ A THING. THEY WILL NEVER BE A THING.

The Five Best Times Devin Nunes Shit The Bed During Monday’s Comey Hearings

‘Fox & Friends’ Idiots Do Best Journalism On Comey Hearing, Win One Million Participation Trophies

Trump Goon Paul Manafort Made $10 MILLION A YEAR To ‘Benefit Putin.’ Totally Normal!

Dumbass Trump Slut Devin Nunes Needs To SIT. THE. FUCK. DOWN.

Is THIS Why Devin Nunes Pooped All Over His Own Trump-Russia Treason Investigation?

This Former CIA Chief Dude Is A Goddamn Psychic, Like OH HEY MISS CLEO!

Devin Nunes Would Like To Run His Dumbass Mouth Hole At You Some More, Please

Everybody Wants To Testify In Trump Russia Investigation Now! Except ‘Russian Spy’ Michael Flynn, That Is!

Devin Nunes Didn’t Get ‘Wire Tapp’ Intel From White House! He Just Got It *At* White House! See?

Adam Schiff Would Like Intel Chair Devin Nunes To Fuck Off From Trump Investigation, Please And Fuck You

How Guilty Is Jared Kushner Of Trump Russia Stuff, On A Scale Of One To His Dad?

Stupid Fox News Judge Napolitano Telling Stupid Trump About ‘Wire Tapps’ Through The TV Again

Senate Intelligence Committee Bein’ All Mature And Shit About Trump Russia Investigation, What’s That About?

Did Mike Huckabee Just Call Lindsey Graham A Fag?

Let’s Liveblog The Senate Intelligence Committee Putting Donald Trump IN RUSSIAN JAIL!

Disgraced Fired Trump NSA Michael Flynn: Snitch, Rat, Fink Or Stoolie? It Is Too Hard To Decide!

Senate Intel Committee Tells Michael Flynn He May Fuck Off

April: UNMASKING! SUSAN RICE! BENGHAZI!

Donald Trump Drunk-Tweeting ‘Fox & Friends’ Again

Oh Cool, A Bullshit Non-Story About Susan Rice Doing ‘Wire Tapps’ To Donald Trump. BURN HER!!!

Dumb Trump Idiot Carter Page Recruited By Russian Spy In 2013, Like Some Idiot

‘Morning Joe’ Can’t Stop LOLing At Dumbass Blackwater Liar Erik Prince! Tee Hee Hee!

Alex Jones Is CUSSIN’ MAD At Rep. Adam Schiff And His Cocksucking Eyes!

Susan Rice ‘Unmasking’ Thing Still Bullshit *Even Though Republicans Hate Her A LOT*

Devin Nunes To Stop Investigating Trump Russia Scandal He Wasn’t Investigating

Trump Couldn’t POSSIBLY Have Weird Russian Ties After Syria Attack, Could He? Naaaaaah.

Yay The Trump Russia Scandal Is BACK WITH A VENGEANCE! Today: Carter Page, FISA Warrants, And Martin Luther King

Devin Nunes Full Of Shit About ‘Unmasking,’ According To Literally Everyone

Hey Look, A Bunch Of Fucked Up Paul Manafort News!

Trump Idiots DEFINITELY Colluded With Russia To Hack Election, According To NOBODY KNOWS WHO

Trump’s CIA Director Just Read WikiLeaks Fuckhead Julian Assange FOR FILTH

Stupid Intercept Idiots Wish Rachel Maddow Would STFU About Trump’s Russia Scandal

IS IT TIME FOR ALL THESE TRUMP RUSSIA FUCKERS TO GO TO JAIL YET?

Jason Chaffetz Sure He’s As Clean As A Whistle, Because Of All These Enemas (He Said That)

Who Do You Root For In Julian Assange V. Jeff Sessions? None Of Them Katie!

Badass Sally Yates Ready To Fuck Trump Up In Front Of House Intel Committee!

Now *Senate* Intelligence Committee Dicking Around On Trump-Russia. Awesome.

Michael Flynn’s Turkish Foreign Agent Work Has Russian Dressing All Over It

Uh Oh, *Even Jason Chaffetz* Acting Like Michael Flynn’s In Deep Trump Russia Shit Now!

Elijah Cummings Is Going To Kick Michael Flynn Right In His Russian Ass

Sean Spicer Wishes Obama Hadn’t Forced Michael Flynn To Be A Russian Spy Foreign Agent!

May: GOODBYE JAMES COMEY! HELLO ROBERT MUELLER!

Trump Just Gonna Kick This CBS Reporter Out Of His Office, Nothing To See Here Move Along

Hillary Clinton Emerges From Woods To Break Foot Up In Donald Trump’s Ass

Your Weird Boyfriend James Comey Is Testifying For The Senate Judiciary Committee. Let’s Liveblog It!

Obama NSA Susan Rice Invites Lindsey Graham To Eat This Bag Of Dicks

Senate Intel Committee Wants To See All Of Trump Team’s Russian Sexts RIGHT NOW

Dumb Idiot Donald Trump Thinks Sally Yates Testimony Somehow Made Him Look GOOD

New Mean Idiot Louisiana Senator Was BIGGEST STAR Of Sally Yates Hearing!

FBI Director James Comey Said A Stupid About Hillary’s Emails, Burn Him For A Witch!

Pussy Trump Fires FBI Director James Comey For Failure To BOW DOWN

Donald Trump And His Minions Must Think We’re REAL Fucking Stupid

Is Your Dick Republican Senator On This List Being Vaguely ‘Good’ About Comey Firing? A List!

Let’s Liveblog Sarah Huckabee Sanders Lying About Comey Firing, Just Like Daddy Taught Her!

Here Are All The Best (Pee) Leaks About Trump Firing James Comey In An INSANE RAGE!

Senate Intelligence Committee Shoves Subpoena Up Michael Flynn’s Ass

Acting FBI Director Dude Seems Smart And Good! Trump To Fire Him In 5, 4, 3, 2 …

Trump Dinner: He Moved On Comey Like A Bitch, But He Couldn’t Get There!

Donald Trump’s Lawyers Wrote A Letter About All His Russian Money, And It Is ADORABLE

Trump Will Leak On Whatever Russians He Wants! Your Overnight TrumpLeak Roundup!

Mitch McConnell Wants Trump To Stop Bein’ Silly So GOP Can Get Back To Fucking America

RIP General H.R. McMaster’s Credibility! You Will Be Missed!

Trump Gave The Russians ISRAELI Intelligence! Have Fun On Your ISRAEL TRIP, Mr. President!

James Comey Kept A Motherfucking Paper Trail On Trump Because COMEY. IS. A. MOTHERFUCKING. BEAST.

Trump Didn’t Mean To Obstruct Comey, He’s Just Too Dumb To Words Good With His Mouth Hole!

Vladimir Putin Tease Trump With Authentic Russian Reach-Around, But No Pee Hooker This Time OK?

FUCK YOU PAUL RYAN, FUCK YOU IN THE BOTTOM WITH A RUSSIAN NESTING DOLL

Trump Didn’t Say ‘Israel’ To Russians, YOU Said ‘Israel’! But Yeah He Gave Russians Israeli Intel, Like You Said.

Trump’s Own Spy Chiefs Refused To Murder FBI Investigation Into Trump. THANKS A LOT SPY CHIEFS (Really, Thanks!)

Chris Christie Wouldn’t Eat Michael Flynn If He Was On Fire

Director Of National Intelligence Does Not Deny Trump Tried To Grab Him By Pussy

Trey Gowdy Eats Own Dick In Front Of Former CIA Director, How Embarrassing

Trump’s New Russia Lawyer Also Represents Putin’s Favorite Russian Bank. What Could Go Wrong?

Intel Committees To Michael Flynn: LOL YOU ARE *SO* FUCKED

Here’s All Your LATE-BREAKING TRUMP-RUSSIA NEWS, For You To Poop On

Did James Comey Screw Hillary Because Of A Dumb Russian Spam Email? WHOA IF TRUE!

The FBI Went To Jared!

Your Boyfriend Emmanuel Macron Just Got Up In Putin’s Grill Like ‘YEAH BRO, WHAT YOU GONNA DO?’

Trump Asshole Lawyer Michael Cohen Under Congressional Investigation Now, Because SAYS WHO?

Sean Spicer’s Press Briefing Went Well Today

Putin, Trump And Dumb Devin Nunes Agree: Russia-Obsessed Democrats Just BIG STUPID SORE LOSERS

You Want Trump-Russia Investigation Updates? We Have Trump-Russia Investigation Updates! YOU CLICK HERE NOW.

June: Donald Trump and Jeff Sessions are HAVING A FIGHT! Trump is under investigation! Also, #ComeyDay!

‘Recused’ Shitweasel Devin Nunes Will Obstruct Justice For Trump If It’s The Last Thing He Does!

Oh Fiddlesticks, Did Jeff Sessions Do Even More Perjury About Russian Contacts Than We Thought?

Is President Steve Bannon The REAL White House Leaker? MAAAAAYBE!

At Least Vladimir Putin Didn’t Accuse Megyn Kelly Of Bleeding From Her Wherever

The Intercept Breaks Huge Russian Hacking Story, For Glenn Greenwald To Shit On

Donald Trump’s Bein’ Downright UGLY To Sweet, Gentle, Kind-Hearted Bigot Jeff Sessions!

RACHEL MADDOW NOT POISONED BY RUSSIA! (Not That We Were Worried About That Or Anything)

Looks Like Trump Obstructed ALL THE JUSTICE, KATIE! (Your Senate Intel Committee Live-Stream!)

Today’s Hearings: Senators Go HULK SMASH At Zip-Lipped Intel Chiefs Refusing To Give Up The Precious

Let’s Read James Comey’s Opening Testimony And Learn What A Pig Trump Really Is!

HAPPY COMEY DAY! Let’s Liveblog Story Time With Uncle Jim!

Idiot Trump Lawyer (And Alex Jones!) NAILS James Comey For Leaking *Unclassified* Information. LOL!

Trump Declares Victory Over Comey By Squealing ‘I’M GONNA SUE!’

Let’s Liveblog Trump’s Day After Comey Day News Conference, About James Comey!

Newt Gingrich FURIOUS Special Prosecutor Is Hiring Best People. Here’s Some Idiots Instead!

Jeff Sessions To Come Clean With Senate Intel Committee, By Not Answering Any Questions

There. Are. No. God. Damn. Trump. Comey. Tapes. (Unless There Are, In Which Case There Are!)

Is Donald Trump Fuckin’ Stupid Enough To Fire Robert Mueller? OF COURSE HE IS.

Hey Jeff Sessions, You Feeling Perjury-Tastic Today? A Liveblog!

Keep Fucking With Kamala Harris, Boys. You’re Making Her Stronger.

Will Trump Fire Robert Mueller? Find Out On Next Week’s ‘Celebrity Apprentice’!

Oh Hey, Donald Trump! You Are Under Investigation For Being A Dumb Justice-Obstructing Dick!

What In The Hell Is Rod Rosenstein Flapping His Yap About?

Dianne Feinstein Ready To Fuck Donald Trump The Fuck Up

Trump Lawyer Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who

Donald Trump Not Under Investigation Yes He Is No He Isn’t GO FUCK YOURSELF SHUT UP

Devin Nunes Not Recused From Trump-Russia Investigation, HE’S JUST ON A BREAK!

Is Trump CIA Director Mike Pompeo A Dirty, Dirty Boy? We Are Just Asking!

Obama’s Homeland Security Chief Says Russia Fucked Us HARD, Y’all

For Trump, Russia Investigation Is A Laser Pointer, And He’s An Obsessed Pussy

Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Obama’s Response To Russia Election Attack

Oh My God, Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Really IS That Stupid

Fox News Idiots Pretty Sure It’s Cool If Trump Crimes With Russia

How Many Countries Helped Trump Steal 2016 Election? Sean Spicer Says ALL OF THEM KATIE

Trump Achieves Best Boner In Years Over CNN’s Russia Story Fuckup

James O’Keefe Releases EXCLUSIVE Video Of CNN Cleaning Lady Saying Trump-Russia Stories Are ‘Bullshit’

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Got Her Ass Handed To Her, And It Was Glorious

Paul Manafort Suddenly Remembers He’s A Foreign Agent For ‘Not America’

Michael Flynn’s Dead Friend Tried To Get Hillary’s Whitey Tape From Russia, Because He Was Stupid

July: BUT DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR'S RUSSIAN EMAILS!

Russian Ambassador Having A Sad, Because He Misses His Trump Traitor Friends :(

Robert Mueller Hires World’s Most Badass Lawyer For Trump-Russia Team. Again. Wonder Why!

Rachel Maddow Not Falling For Dumbass Trump-Russia Forgeries, So Don’t Even Fucking Try

Trump Goes Over Two Hours With Putin Before Blowing Load (Allegedly!)

Donald Trump Jr. Tried To Collude With Sexxxy Russian Lady, But He Couldn’t Get There

Trump Rage-Bitching About James Comey Again, Because ‘Fox & Friends’ Told Him To

Republicans Pretty Sure Donald Trump Jr. Not Supposed To Talk To Russian Strangers

Trump Jr. Only Met With Russian Chick Because Russia Wanted To Help His Dad. Is That Bad?

Donald Trump Jr. Tweets Russian Emails To Show What A Guilty Fuck He Is

Trump Russian Pee Tape Threat Level Raised To Code Yellow

Dumbass Donald Trump Jr. Better Hope There Aren’t Any Tapes Of His Russian Conspiracy Meeting!

Oh Go Fuck Yourself, Kayleigh McEnany

Eric Trump Promoted To Second Dumbest Trump Offspring

Russian Government Hasn’t STFU About Trump’s Associates Since 2015

Trump Knows Who To Blame For Dumbass Junior’s Russian Crimes, And It Is Barack Obama

Trump’s (ALLEGEDLY!) Drunky Lawyer Seems Nice

How Many Goddamn Russian Spies Came To Trump Junior’s Russian Conspiracy Meeting?

Trump Junior’s (New) Russian Spy? Just A Russian Hacker. TOTALLY NORMAL!

The Trump-Russia Conspiracy Is Getting Weird, Y’all. A HOLY SHIT Investigation Into WHAT THE FUCK?

Trump Junior’s Russian Conspiracy Meeting Was Total Fucking Clown Car, Apparently

Idiot Trump Lawyer Incredibly Good At Stepping On Own Dick Repeatedly

Sean Spicer Awakens From Beautiful Dream Where Trump Jr. Never Conspired With Russia

We Think We’re Starting To Get Why Russia Wanted To Do Sexxx Conspiracies With Gross Donald Trump Jr.

Trump Had Secret G20 Threesome With Putin And Kremlin Translator

Inconsolable Donald Trump Jr. Wishes Daddy Wouldn’t Be President No More!

No For Real Trump’s New York Times Interview Is Literally Fucking Bonkers (Part Deux!)

Senate Wants Trump Jr. And Paul Manafort To Testify About Every Russian They’ve Ever Met (And JILL STEIN?!)

Robert Mueller ALL UP In Donald Trump’s Business. (Literally! His Russian Money Business!)

Sweet Baby Jesus, Donald Trump Is Spooked!

GOP Congressman From Moscow Still GOP Congressman From Moscow

Jared Kushner Innocent Of All Russian Crimes, According To Jared Kushner

Jason Chaffetz Wishes Congress Would Ask Chelsea Clinton Why She Did Benghazi

GOP FIGHT! Richard Burr Says Devin Nunes Is Total Dumbfuck Who Makes Shit Up

Trump Maybe About To Shoot Jeff Sessions In Middle Of Fifth Avenue

Trump DOJ Nominee Represented Russian Bank In Pee Hooker Dossier, Totally Normal

GOP Senators Gonna Dick-Slap The Hell Outta Trump If He Fires Jeff Sessions

Trump Caught Between Russian Sanctions And A Pee Tape (ALLEGEDLY)

GOP Pretty Sure Trump-Russia Conspiracy Is Russian Conspiracy To Make Us Believe In Trump-Russia Conspiracy

Jill Stein Steps On Own Dick For Two Solid Minutes, And It Is BREATHTAKING

Will Trump Fire General John Kelly For Being Gay For James Comey?

August: HEY PAUL MANAFORT! KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER!

Trump Personally Made Up All Junior’s Dumb Russian Lies, Isn’t That Shocking?

Trump Signs Russian Sanctions With Tiny Fingers Crossed Behind His Back

Lo, Unto Us A Robert Mueller Trump-Russia Grand Jury Is Born!

Sounds Like All James Comey’s FBI Buddies Have #TrumpSecrets To Tell Robert Mueller!

Oh Go Fuck Yourself, Glenn Greenwald

Nikki Haley Wishes Y’all Wouldn’t Discuss Classified Intel Trump’s Blabbing About On Twitter

Is Trump Trying To Grab Robert Mueller By The Pussy And Take Him Furniture Shopping?

Robert Mueller To Paul Manafort: Knock Knock, Motherfucker!

Is Shitweasel Rep. Devin Nunes Sending GOP Staffers To England To Harass Christopher Steele?

Even Fox News Idiots Like ‘WHOA IF TRUE’ After Paul Manafort’s Late Night FBI Panty Raid

Trump Thanks Putin For Spanking America, Asks Him To Do It Harder

Trump-Russia Investigation EXPOSED AS HOAX, Because Let This One Wingnut Explain You Why

Chuck C. Johnson, Julian Assange, And Dana Rohrabacher Walk Into A Bar, Because WHAT EVEN THE FUCK?

Trump Thinks His BEST FRIEND Mitch McConnell Will Obstruct Justice For Him? Good Plan, Dumbass

Another Trump Staffer Sending Weird Russian Emails? YOU DON’T SAY.

Mike Pompeo Running CIA From Warm, Safe Office Inside Donald Trump’s Butt

Guess What, Michael Flynn And Paul Manafort! Robert Mueller Is Literally IN YOUR ASS.

Trump Russian Buddy Bragged About Using Russia To Elect Trump. TOTALLY NORMAL.

Is This Weird-Ass Moscow Trump Tower Thing The Key To The Whole Damn Trump-Russia Conspiracy?

Dana Rohrabacher Ready To Dead-Drop Julian Assange’s Love Notes Into Donald Trump’s Pants

Uh Oh, Paul Manafort, Where’s Your God NOW?

Trump And Chuck Grassley Definitely Phone-Sexing About Corn And Not Trump Jr.’s Coming Senate Grilling. FOR SURE.

Dumbfuck Tomi Lahren Fitting In Quite Nicely With Rest Of Fox News Dumbfucks

BREAKING: Manafort’s Notes From Russian Spy Meeting Are Real And They Are SPECTACULAR

September: Robert Mueller just keeps on chugging along!

Is Robert Mueller Wiping His Ass With Trump’s Tax Returns RIGHT NOW? Sure, Maybe!

SCANDAL! Comey Rigged Hillary Investigation Before She Could Even Confess To Aggravated Emailing!

’10 Things I Hate About James Comey’: A Sad, Stupid Letter From Donald J. Trump

Russian Wingnut Knows What Time It Is, And It Is Trump Pee Tape O’ Clock!

How Is Trey Gowdy Fucking The Republic Today?

Should Facebook Go The Fuck To Jail For Helping Russia Elect Trump President? Or For Just Being Facebook In General?

Donald Trump Jr.’s TOP THREE New Excuses For Russian Spy Meeting, With Love!

Holy Shit, Just How Much Did Donald Trump Jr. Lie To The Senate Today?

Alex Jones Knows ‘Deep State’ Roofies Trump’s Diet Cokes, But SHHHH THEY’LL MURDER HIM IF YOU TELL

Russia All Up In Trump Racists’ Facebooks, Inviting Them To Racism Sex Orgies!

What In Goshdarn Tarnation Is About To Drop In The Trump-Russia Investigation?

Michael Flynn’s #PizzaGate Loving Idiot Son In Big Trouble With Robert Mueller, Mister!

Trey Gowdy Refuses To Put Obama NSA Susan Rice In Jail For Crime Of Doing Her Fucking Job

Breaking! Trump Made ‘Idiot’ Jeff Sessions Commit Hara-Kiri, But He Got Better

Jesus, Facebook, Does Russia Have A Pee Tape Of You Too?

Oh, Jared Kushner Did ‘Private Emails,’ Just Like Hillary Clinton? You Don’t Fucking Say

How Is Facebook Breaking America For Trump And Russia Today?

Jared Kushner’s Lawyer Can’t Wait To Fap To Jared’s* NAKED LEGO PORN EMAILS (*Not Jared’s)

Jared Kushner Is A Complete Dipshit, And His Lawyer Isn’t Far Behind

Sen. Mark Warner Ready To Cock-Punch Twitter For Helping Russia Bone Our Election

October: GO TO JAIL, PAUL MANAFORT. Maybe Jared And Ivanka Too?

Jared And Ivanka Need To Delete Their Goddamned Accounts. Literally!

Senate Intel Committee: Trump-Russia Investigation Will Be Over When It’s Over, So GTFO

Jared And Ivanka Poor Now, Please Send GoFundMe Bucks ASAP

Robert Mueller Showing Russian Hookers Pics Of Trump, Asking ‘Have You Peed On This Man?’

Robert Mueller And Trump-Russia Dossier Spy Boyfriends Now, JUST LIKE WONKETTE SAID

Trump-Russia Dumbass Carter Page Saying The Quiet Parts Loud Again, Bless His Stupid Heart

Trump Slut Devin Nunes Rubbing Dick All Over Russia Probe Again

Do Republicans Hate The Trump Pee Hooker Dossier Because It’s TOO TRUE?

Is The Dumbass You’re Fighting With In The Comments Just A Dumbass? OR IS IT A RUSSIAN DUMBASS?

Trump Campaign Knucklefucks Only Retweeted Hottest Russian Trolls On Twitter

Al Franken Kicks Jeff Sessions In Nuts While Whole World Points And Laughs

Trey Gowdy Is A Dick Again, And Other Late Breaking Trump-Russia News!

Why The Fuck Did The State Department Just Ban Putin’s Arch-Nemesis From America?

Putin’s Arch-Nemesis Allowed To Come To America Again, Because SUCK IT, PUTIN!

Trey Gowdy And Devin Nunes Flooding Earth With Jizz Over New Hillary Investigations

IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO PAID FOR THE FUCKING DOSSIER, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES

Which Committee Is Blowing Goats Instead Of Investigating Trump-Russia Today?

Are These The Three Dumbest Fucking Reactions To The Trump-Russia Dossier News? Sure Why Not.

Here’s All The Hottest Russia Investigation News, None Of Which Is About Hillary’s Uranium

Robert Mueller Ready To Throw Somebody In Fucking JAIL, Y’ALL!

Good Morning, Paul Manafort! You Are In Jail!

THE MYSTERIOUS ADVENTURES OF THE PERFESSER, THE RUSSIAN LADY SPY, AND THIS FUCKING TRUMP IDIOT

TELL US SOME HORSESHIT, SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS!

Oh No, Sean Hannity Shit His Pants

Is George Papadopoulos The REAL Trump Pee Tape? WHOA IF TRUE!

November: BUT HILLARY'S URANIUMS!

Paul Manafort Has Three Passports, Couple Of Visas, Don’t Even Know His Real Name

Everybody In White House (Including Trump!) Hates Jared Kushner And His Stupid Shit-Mouthed Face

Trump Tells Maggie Haberman To Say He’s Not Mad And She’s Like ‘OK BOSS!’

Trump USDA Idiot Sam Clovis Pulling Out To Spend More Time With Robert Mueller

Dadgummit, Did Jeff Sessions Fuck Himself With The Perjury Stick Again?

Robert Mueller Ready To Throw Michael Flynn And His Pizzagate-Loving Idiot Son IN JAIL

Jared Kushner: Oh, THAT Russian Money? I Didn’t Know You Meant THAT Russian Money!

Let’s Read Carter Page’s Batshit Testimony Together, While Wonkette Liveblogs It!

Trump Sends Crazy Uncle Bill To Tell CIA How Chemtrails Hacked Our Election

Corey Lewandowski Forgot He Signed Carter Page’s Russia Trip Permission Slip, But Now He Remembers!

Did Russian Pee Hookers Tinkle For Trump While His Bodyguard Was Sleeping? JUST ASKING!

LOL Michael Flynn Is So Fucked

How Many Former Intel Chiefs Called Trump Putin’s Buttboy This Weekend? ALL OF THEM, KATIE

Donald Trump Jr. Seems Pretty Darn Proud Of His Russian WikiLeaks Sexts!

Hey Jeff Sessions! Gonna Do Perjuries To Congress Today? Let’s Liveblog And Find Out!

Fox News Reveals TRUTH About Hillary Uranium Story, And It Is … Oh It’s Bullshit, Shep? Thanks!

Trump Dossier Spy Christopher Steele: Sorry, A-Holes, But My Shit Is True

Carter Page Clearly Just Going For Insanity Defense Now

The Intercept Knows Breaking Up With Julian Assange Is For The Best, But It Still Hurts :(

They Wanted ALL YOUR RUSSIAN EMAILS, Jared Kushner, You Slimy Fuck

Happy Thanksgiving, Donald Trump! Ready For Robert Mueller To Stuff Your Turkey?

That Time Russians Tried To Hit Up The Trump Campaign But Jared Accidentally Hit The ‘Fuck You’ Button

Paul Manafort Sprung From House-Jail For Thanksgiving! FYI, BORDER PATROL.

Look, America, Trump Is Being Putin’s Fuck Toy Again!

But Michael Flynn’s Russian Uraniums!

Did Robert Mueller Send James Woolsey To Cross Streams With Trump At Mar-A-Lago? We Are Just Asking!

Should Robert Mueller Put Erik Prince In Jail For Trump-Russia Crimes? Yes Or OH FUCK YES?

Robert Mueller Went To Jared!

December: YOU'RE FUCKED, MICHAEL FLYNN! FUCKED, WE SAY! Also, those FBI people sexted each other! And Robert Mueller is the devil! INPEACH!

White House So Mad Nobody (Sally Yates) Told Them Michael Flynn Was Bad (Sally Yates Told Them)

Trump Only Obstructed Justice In Russia Probe A Bunch Of Other Times, Allegedly

Trump Idiot Lawyer John Dowd Pretty Sure King Trump Doesn’t Have To Follow ‘Laws’

Robert Mueller Following The Dirty Russian Money All The Way Up Donald Trump’s Ass

GO BACK TO ANKLE BRACELET JAIL, PAUL MANAFORT

Carter Page, We Found You A Girlfriend

Michael Flynn’s Grift To Steal Middle East For Russia (And Himself!) Would Make Sarah Palin Blush

Trey Gowdy, Man Who Conducted Eighth Benghazi Investigation, Says Top Dem Is The Real Benghazi

Erik Prince Congressional Testimony Conclusively Proves He’s Full-Of-Shit, Also An Asshole

Fox News And GOP Expose Robert Mueller As Kenyan Obama Gay From Hillary-Town, It Is Just So Obvious

But Donald Trump Jr.’s Russian Emails! Dear LORD, His Fuckin’ Russian Emails!

How Is Robert Mueller The Literal Devil Today?

Fired Robert Mueller Investigator Thinks Trump Is Fuckin’ Idiot, Like All Patriotic Americans

Look At These Fucking GOP Idiots Begging Trump To Fire Robert Mueller

Washington Post Says Trump’s Hard-On For Russia Has Fucked America BIGLY

Mike Huckabee So Mad Fired Mueller FBI Guy Did LITERAL COUP To Trump, By Sexting

WHO’S LEAKING THE SEXTS? WHO’S LEAKING THE SEXTS? Oh, It’s Just The Trump Justice Department Again

THIS IS SERIOUS. Rep. Adam Schiff Just Hit The ‘OH FUCK!’ Button

That Motherfucker Trump Is Probably Going To Ruin Christmas, So Get Ready, America!

FBI Told Trump The Russians Were Coming Way Back In 2016, And He Was Like ‘YAY!’

Robert Mueller Will Investigate Donald Trump UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES

Jill Stein Under Investigation Now, Probably For Being Too Right

Hey Devin Nunes, Is It Comfy Up There Inside Donald Trump’s Butt?

Sean Hannity Steps On Dick And Eats It: A Play In One Very Short Act

What Did Trump Know, And When Did He Grab It By The Pussy?

Holy shit, we are tired from pasting all that. Now get to reading! We really could turn this into a book, couldn't we? Evan Hurst 'SPLAINS YOU RUSSIA With One Million Dick Jokes!

OK, post over, goodbye, happy New Year, etc.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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