The Year In The Trump-Russia Conspiracy Was Oh Who The Fuck Knows At This Point
Not pictured: ALL THE BONERS.
We are not going to attempt to write you a long narrative on the twists and turns of the first year of the Trump-Russia investigation. (NOT. DOING. IT.) Where do we even start trying to encapsulate this history we're still living through? Instead, we will paste you a list of all the Russia stories we personally ourselves wrote about it in the past year, because holy shit, we have written some POSTS and this goddamn investigation has become OUR LIFE! If you are just waking up from a long nap and did not know American democracy got hijacked by a hostile foreign power and the president of the US and A may literally be a Russian intelligence asset, catch up on your reading right here!
Maybe someday we will compile these into a book and charge you one million dollars for it. (By the way, this list is in no way exhaustive. But it should give you some HILARIOUS snapshots of the hell we just lived through!)
January: We learn about Trump's ALLEGED pee hookers, Trump inaugurated, national nightmare begins.
February: Mike Flynn YOU'RE FIRED for being literal actual foreign agent.
March: Jeff Sessions recuses! Comey testifies! Devin Nunes goes on his wild ride!
April: UNMASKING! SUSAN RICE! BENGHAZI!
May: GOODBYE JAMES COMEY! HELLO ROBERT MUELLER!
June: Donald Trump and Jeff Sessions are HAVING A FIGHT! Trump is under investigation! Also, #ComeyDay!
July: BUT DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR'S RUSSIAN EMAILS!
August: HEY PAUL MANAFORT! KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER!
September: Robert Mueller just keeps on chugging along!
October: GO TO JAIL, PAUL MANAFORT. Maybe Jared And Ivanka Too?
November: BUT HILLARY'S URANIUMS!
December: YOU'RE FUCKED, MICHAEL FLYNN! FUCKED, WE SAY! Also, those FBI people sexted each other! And Robert Mueller is the devil! INPEACH!
Holy shit, we are tired from pasting all that. Now get to reading! We really could turn this into a book, couldn't we? Evan Hurst 'SPLAINS YOU RUSSIA With One Million Dick Jokes!
OK, post over, goodbye, happy New Year, etc.
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