Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

Half a million Americans have died of coronavirus, isn't it great that we're only down to 2000 deaths a day, congratulations everyone! (NBC News) I have (potential) jury duty next month, I can't wait to see if Montana Gov. Greg Gianforte's repeal of the mask mandate means I will be sitting for eight hours a day with a bunch of maskless assholes, so excited!

Oh god oh god oh god. The children who have died of COVID-19. (Washington Post)

Well I need a break.

Did that help?

Rightwing Alaska gov unhappy with rightwing lunatic state senator lying about the COVIDs. Same, buddy, sucks don't it? (ADN)

Sure is feeling that way: COVID set to become a forever war. — Talking Points Memo

My favorite part of AOC raising $4 million for Texas is all the people who are mad at her for raising $4 million for Texas. Guys, don't you think that's probably a you problem? (Business Insider)

Texas Republicans full of shit for a change. — New York Times

Family of sixth-grader Cristian Pineda sues ERCOT for ALL THE MONEY FOR WRONGFUL DEATH, GOOD. (Yahoo)

Oh goddammit, people are convinced Joe Biden did a fake snowstorm to Texas. So here's your splainer on why your "fake snow" "didn't melt," from Barack Obama's Time Machine (ie 2014). (PopSci)

Hahahaha delightful.

"This week is like hitting the jackpot with some of these incredible prices," Chief Financial Officer Roland Burns said on an earnings call Wednesday, via Bloomberg. "Frankly, we were able to sell at super premium prices for a material amount of production."

Pro Football Talk because Jerry Jones is an investor, thank goodness, he probably really needed the money

Mark Zuckerberg didn't want to punish poor Alex Jones too harshly, so he changed the rules for him, which coincidentally had the effect of making it impossible to get rid of militia hate groups in the leadup to the Capitol riots, LOL what fun we have on the facebooks! Besides everyone knows the real racism is talking about "wypipo" or saying "men are trash." (Buzzfeed News)

Whew, lot going on in this story about Oath Keeper extremist Jessica Watkins (coincidentally, also seems to have been radicalized by watching Infowards vids), who would like out of what sounds like VERY BAD JAIL because they seem to be sort of torturing her because she's trans, and also it wasn't her fault that Trump activated her, yikes. — Buzzfeed News

The Superhero Solicitors General Squad gamed out every conceivable scenario starting in March:

Even before the Capitol riot, the group had prepared Supreme Court pleadings in case Trump strong-armed Vice-President Mike Pence into rejecting the certification of the Electoral College votes. "We were fully prepared to go to the Supreme Court by nightfall," Dellinger said by phone from North Carolina, where he teaches at Duke Law School. "We had paper filed and ready." By then, the Biden campaign had sent the trio hoodies emblazoned with a special "Team SG3" logo. "Even though we planned for every possible loony scenario we could think of," he went on, none of them foresaw the Capitol riot.

New Yorker

"Babymoons" huh? How about an almost-six-year-oldmoon? (BONUS I AM GREATNESS: The pick for southern Montana, Blue Sky Cabins, is where Shy and I had our annual shareholders meeting two years ago, because the state of Montana requires us to have a shareholder meeting once a year, and our house is full of many noise.) — Conde Nast Traveler

Goddammit, I'm eating way too much chicken. Why? Because I am very delicious at cooking it! (Vox)

Don't understand why Nadiya Hussain is already married to someone else who is not me and my husband, anyway, here's a chocolate cobbler, from which I subtracted peaches and plums and added mango and pineapple as well as bits of Meyer lemon and some orange zest and juice and also fresh grated ginger and basil and thyme, because I like to get high on Sunday mornings is why. (Happy Foodie)

Not shown: 7 more bags of chocolate chips I got down from the baking cupboard while looking for the nonexistent coconut. SHY STOP BUYING CHOCOLATE CHIPS.

Definitely leave out the Meyer lemon chunks, terrible idea!

For sure leave out the Meyer lemon chunks nobody told me to put in there in the first place.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

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