There's Just Not Room in the Budget For FBI Agents to Get Safeway Cards

emaildummies.jpgDear FBI:

We saw the CNN piece today about how many of your employees don't have email. As "bloggers," we know a thing or two about this Internet fad, and we think we might be able to help you out. Here's some things you may not know:

* Email is free.

* How bad can your budget problems be? You're not like HUD or something, can't you get in on that NSA unlimited classified budget action?

* No, seriously, email is actually free. You don't need to pay for it. We sent DoD a gmail invite, we have like 90 more for you guys.

* Despite what Senator Schumer says, not having email is not actually evidence of a pre-9/11 mentality. It's like a pre-the-last-15-years mentality. But we guess you probably couldn't afford like a Prodigy account or whatever back then.

* Hey, we know people who are like temps at Justice, and they get .gov email addresses. Did you piss off the Federal IT department or something?

* We cannot stress this enough: You don't need to pay for an email address.

* Specifically this line here: "The outside e-mail accounts have to be separately funded" -- that just makes no fucking sense to us.

Anyway, hope that helps. We will, of course, be printing this note and sending it via bike messenger or something.

FBI, You've Got Mail -- NOT [CNN]


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