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These Are Just Some Really Good Jams About How The Earth Is Flat And Gravity Is Not Real

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Oh boy, do I ever have a treat for all of you today!

Yesterday, as I was researching a completely unrelated thing, I stumbled upon a beautiful wealth of incredible songs about how the earth is flat and gravity is not real — so I obviously had to stop what I was doing and listen to all of them. And because I am very generous, I have decided to share my treasures with you all today. Sure, some of them are like two years old, but they are new to us and that is what matters.

Let's get to it!


This is the first one I found, and it appears to be some kind of country-polka jam about how this guy believes there are no photographs of the earth.

Awesome Flat Earth Song - No Photographs of Earth! Must Watch song from flat earth man :) www.youtube.com

There are, of course, photos of the earth. There are even videos of the earth, taken from satellites, in space.


NOAA GOES-17 Shares First ABI Full Disk Imagery youtu.be

But hey! Who are we to dispute a guy who calls himself "Flat Earth Man"? He is very smart! So smart, in fact, that he also knows that gravity isn't real. Remember when we used to counter the creationists who did the whole "Evolution is just a THEORY. Says so in the name, the THEORY of evolution!" thing with "So what, you don't believe in the THEORY of gravity now either?"

Well, we overestimated them.

Don't Believe in Gravity - Flat Earth Man www.youtube.com

This fella has a whole lot of other spectacular jams — as well as karaoke versions of each of his songs, so you can sing them yourself at home — but let's move on!

This right here is a cover of Adele's Hello, except all of the lyrics have been changed to flat earth nonsense. You are welcome.

Amber Plaster - Hello Flat Earth - HD - 059 www.youtube.com


WE CLEARLY LIVE INSIDE OF A GLASS DOME! I love it so much. I even love it more than the Mormon parody of Hello, which is also fantastic.

Adele - Hello (Missionary Parody) www.youtube.com


I also found this one, which is mostly just this one guy rapping about how space isn't real, but it features a sample of a flat earth version of Californication by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers that I think makes it really special.

O.D.D TV | Dear NASA (2019) | Truth Music / Conscious Rap - Hip hop www.youtube.com

GLORIOUS.

Before I sign off though, please allow me to share with you all the greatest Amazon review of a Flowbee haircutting system in the history of the universe.

ONE STAR! Does not work on cats!


You just can't really go wrong with a freshly Flowbee'd cat in a Hannibal Lecter mask. Anyway, thank you for indulging me here, I shall let you all get to your open thread. Talk amongst yourselves!

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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