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Another day, another bullshit Trump lawsuit.

This time Donald Trump and his feckless spawn are suing Deutsche Bank and Capital One to stop them complying with congressional subpoenas to turn over the family's financials. Which is how normal people act when there is NO CORRUPTION! Earlier this month, the House Intelligence and Financial Services Committees (HPSCI and FinServ to their pals) dropped "friendly" subpoenas on the banks for all financial documents in their possession on Poppy, Deej, Eric, Vanky, Trump's revocable trust, the Trump businesses, and any accounts held by family members or related businesses. Naturally, Eric is very concerned that Adam Schiff is just trying to embarrass poor Tiffany for getting day drunk in when she's supposed to be doing extremely serious law student stuff. Happy Birthday, sis!

Why itemized receipts from Tiff's AmEx Black would show up on DB's books is a mystery. The point is, aside from a few beers in Georgetown, no one in Trumpland has anything to hide. But it's the principle of the thing, darnit! Why should Maxine Waters get to know how much Young Eric spends on Superman Underoos. That is private!


So the family got together and filed this piece of drek in Manhattan federal court yesterday in hopes of throwing enough sand in the gears to get through November 2020 without having to turn their financial data over to Congress. And they might just get away with it.

Okay, let's dive into this nonsense. We're just going to ignore Trump's lawyers throwing poo for 2000 words about how it is illegitimate for the House Intelligence Committee to investigate the president's financial entanglements with foreign state and non-state actors. Ain't nobody got time for that. Especially when Trump's legal team came up with an even batshittier argument than that last week when they said congressional oversight is ILLEGAL, citing Eastland v. United States Servicemen's Fund, 421 U.S. 491 (1975), wherein the Supreme Court enforced the congressional subpoena and said that it wasn't going to second guess Congress's assertion of legitimate legislative intent. They brought up Eastland again yesterday, but this time Trump Org lawyer Marc Mukasey is on the case, and he has a shiny new bullshit theory. (Why yes, Marc's father Michael Mukasey is the former attorney general they trot out on Fox for unbiased commentary on the Trump administration. Of course he is.)

[T]he Committees' attempts to obtain Plaintiffs' account records violate the statutory requirements that apply to the federal government under the Right to Financial Privacy Act ("RFPA"). Under the RFPA, federal authorities are required to follow certain steps—including the provision of notice and an opportunity to object—before obtaining private financial records. The Committees have ignored these requirements, and any production of account records by Deutsche Bank or Capital One would violate the law ...

media2.giphy.com

Okay, deep breaths.

First of all, the RFPA does not apply to congressional action. Chapter 12 U.S. Code §3401(3) defines "Government authority" as "any agency or department of the United States, or any officer, employee, or agent thereof." The House of Representatives is not an agency or department -- it is a co-equal body that exists entirely outside the Executive branch. Big props to Trump's lawyers for consistently referring to "federal authorities" and "the federal government," instead of Congress. So crafty!

Second of all, "federal authorities" are only obligated to give notice of subpoena to "persons," defined in the statute as "an individual or a partnership of five or fewer individuals." Even if the statute applied to Congress -- which it does not -- the Trump Organization and related LLCs would have no rights under the RFPA, as was confirmed by the Sixth Circuit in July.

Third of all, the banks do not "face a difficult choice: ignore the subpoenas and risk contempt of Congress, or comply with the subpoenas and risk liability to Plaintiffs under the RFPA and other laws." Capital One's own ads are a band of marauding Visigoths. Even if they did face potential liability for complying with a congressional subpoena -- which they do not -- they undoubtedly force all clients to sign fifty pages of boilerplate absolving the company of any and all liability for disclosing client data.

Fourth of all, courts cannot quash a congressional subpoena, as the Trumpers request with their very big REALLY SMART brains. Courts might theoretically refuse to enforce congressional subpoenas, but the subpoenas themselves fall under the Speech or Debate Clause. As the Supreme Court said in Eastland, the case Trump continually relies upon:

The subpoena cannot be held subject to judicial questioning on the alleged ground that it works an invasion of respondents' privacy, since it is "essential to legislating." [...] Nor can the subpoena be held outside the protection of speech or debate immunity on the alleged ground that the motive of the investigation was improper, since in determining the legitimacy of a congressional action the motives alleged to have prompted it are not to be considered.

Fifth of all, Trump's guys were so unserious about this bullshit lawsuit that they didn't even bother to get the quotes right.

And sixth of all, FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON. Deutsche Bank has already said that it will comply with the subpoena by Monday, May 6, unless some court issues an injunction. Not bloody likely, but who the hell even knows these days?

DONE. WE ARE DONE HERE.

[ Trump v. Deutsche Bank]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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