Are George Papadopoulos And Sergei Millian The Two Dumbest Idiots In The Whole Trump-Russia Scandal? Sure Why Not.

Do you remember who the hell Sergei Millian is? Do you want to read some weird fuckin' shit about this Belarusian-American guy who was reportedly one of the sources for Christopher Steele's dossier on Trump, "50 Shades of Pee"? Indeed, THE source who said Trump is a certified Muscovian Golden Shower Watcher? Do you want this story to also include George Papadopoulos, that fuckin' loon? You are in luck!

If you don't remember Millian, he's a weird-ass character. He claimed a long time ago, in June of 2016, that Trump was in bed with the Russians, and that they were passing the Trump campaign dirts on Hillary Clinton (Factcheck: true). Trouble was, he told this to some friend of his, who then told Christopher Steele about it. He also claimed that Donald Trump got a pee pee dance from the finest pee hookers in all the Kremlin, on the bed in the Moscow Ritz-Carlton where Barack and Michelle Obama had slept. As for Steele's use of this material, the spy has said he had other sources who said the same thing, so it's not like Sergei Millian was the only Russian who was unwittingly giving him secrets. (The Washington Post reports that Millian said in 2017 on Russian TV that he most certainly was not the source who said those things. Which is definitely what we would tell Putin too!)

He's also a known associate of George Papadopoulos, the gentleman foreign policy adviser for the Trump campaign who in May of 2016 drunked all over an Australian diplomat that the Russians had all kinds of shit on Hillary Clinton, and they were planning to use it to enfucken the campaign against her and for Trump. Indeed, it was that drunking that led the FBI to open the investigation in the first place!

Both Millian and Papadopoulos seem, to us, to be slightly BUGFUCKING NUTS.

The Washington Post has new reporting on Millian, who has suddenly shown up again in the investigation, after being away on an extended sojourn up his own ass, we guess. And that reporting features Papadopoulos too:

Around the time of President Trump's inauguration, two of his supporters met to toast the new administration at the Russia House, a Washington restaurant known among Russian diplomats and emigres for its vodka and caviar.

The Dupont Circle spot was suggested by Sergei Millian, according to onetime Trump foreign policy adviser George Papadopoulos, who said he met with the Belarus-born businessman there.

The get-together followed months of outreach Millian had made to the young aide — including offering him a lucrative consulting contract to work simultaneously for Trump and an unidentified Russian, which Papadopoulos said he rebuffed. FBI agents later pressed Papadopoulos about his relationship with Millian, Papadopoulos's lawyers have said.

The interactions between the two men — the extent of which have not been reported previously — show how Millian, a self-described real estate developer who served as an unwitting source of information for former British spy Christopher Steele, was in closer proximity to Trump's world than previously known.


The gist of the WaPo is that Millian, who may or may not be as close to the inner circle of Trumpland and the Kremlin as he'd like pretty girls to believe, was doing everything he could in 2016 to get up in there and grift off Trump's candidacy. It also seems like Papadopoulos (hereafter referred to in this post as "Pap") was doing the same fuckin' thing, and that his grifting attempts may have gone way past the election as well. "Coffee boy," indeed!

Millian was wheelin' and dealin' all over the place during the campaign. He was offering Pap extremely lucrative jobs working for unnamed Russians, jobs he suggested Pap should do while he was also working for Trump. (That kind of sounds like spywork, we are just saying.) And he apparently was also claiming he could get this other dude, a right-wing Christian Florida man also from Belarus named Mikhail Morgulis, hooked up with the Trump campaign. That guy was drumming up support for Trump among Russian-American folk, because those are Trump's people, even going so far as to tell Sputnik in 2017 that he told Russian-American voters that if you don't want a HOMOSEXUAL to be your president, you better not be votin' for that clam-slammer Hillary Clinton! (Who is not actually a lesbian. But, you know, Russians hate gay people, and far right Republicans hate gay people, and they're all white people -- it's a NO HOMO marriage made in heaven!)

Anyway, Morgulis says Millian never came through for him. But he did good work, telling the Russkies about Hillary's alleged Indigo Girls fetish!

But really, who the fuck is this guy?

In the dossier, Millian is described both as "Source D" and "Source E," and as the Washington Post reminds us, he's described therein as a "close associate of Trump." Here's how the Post has described Millian:

He told the Russian state-operated news agency RIA Novosti last April, for instance, that he met Trump at a Miami horse-racing track after "mutual associates" had organized a trip for Trump to Moscow in 2007.

From there, Millian said, he entered into a business arrangement in which he says he helped market a Trump-branded condominium complex in Hollywood, Fla., to international investors, including Russians.

Millian's description of the Miami event appears to match up with a picture he posted on Facebook that appears to show him posing with Trump and the project's developer, Jorge Pérez — the only evidence that Millian ever met Trump.

But was Millian really big and important and close to Trump, as he claimed? Millian ran a group called the Russian American Chamber of Commerce, and as the Post reports, he claimed back in the day to have been the "exclusive broker" for the Trump Organization's efforts to sell real estate to Russians at the Trump Hollywood in Miami in 2007 and 2008. Indeed he's talked about how Trump has made "hundreds of millions of dollars" off the Russians, and said that Michael Cohen set him up with the gig! (Coincidentally OR NOT, this was the exact same time period when Russian fertilizer oligarch Dmitry Rybolovlev overpaid Donald Trump $100 million for that mansion in south Florida, which he proceeded to never move into.)

FUN FACT ABOUT SERGEI MILLIAN AND REAL ESTATE: One time he was on "Million Dollar Listing" on Bravo! He was trying to sell a Russian a $7 million condo for cash, and now we are thinking about pitching HGTV a show called "Does Igor Love It Or Does Igor Want To Launder Russian Mob Cash Through It For Putin?" Why? No reason, obviously.

But maybe Millian is not actually that important and greatly exaggerated his role as Trump's South Florida real estate guy. Could Millian just be a starfucking jackoff who talks a lot of shit, like George Papadopoulos so often seems to be? That's what his Florida Man Jesus friend from Belarus seems to think. "He is too weak a swimmer to catch any political crocodiles," the Post quotes Florida man Jesus Friend as saying about Millian! The Post quotes a bunch of other Russians saying similar RUSSIAN BURN type things about him.

For the record, Cohen said back in 2017 he doesn't know Millian, so take that with all the grains of salt you would normally take with claims Cohen made before he flipped and turned into GOD'S PERFECT ANGEL ON EARTH. (We should note that when the Post reached out to Cohen's lawyer Lanny Davis to ask about Millian, they got a "no comment." Take that also as you will.)

Ooh, question! Is Millian a spy? Because that's a thing people have wondered! He says nope, which is what spies say when you ask, "Are you a spy"?

He does appear to have some friends in high places, at least in Russia. This is from 2016:

Over the summer, as Trump prepared to accept the Republican presidential nomination, Millian traveled to Russia. He posted pictures on his Facebook page showing that he attended a ­Russian government-sponsored summit in St. Petersburg in June. One photograph shows him with Russia's minister for energy. Another shows him chatting with Russian aluminum magnate Oleg Deripaska, who is close to Putin.

Huh! That's the trip Michael Cohen was supposed to go on, the St. Petersburg Economic Forum, to advance the soon-to-be-killed Trump Tower Moscow project, while Trump was on the campaign trail saying he had no deals with Russia. Cohen was going to maybe get to meet Putin there! And God knows who else! Cohen didn't go -- indeed the trip was canceled quite suddenly -- but there Millian was, and he was canoodling with Oleg Deripaska, who ... oh hell, you know who Oleg Deripaska is at this point.

Anyway, what were we just saying about how Sergei Millian has boasted of being Trump's biggest, baddest condo broker for Russians in the past? HUH.

But maybe he's nobody. But maybe he's somebody! Or maybe he is half a somebody? He did go to VIP stuff at the Trump inauguration, but from what we can tell, most of the Russian population was invited to that, so ...

Anyway, Pap thinks Sergei Millian is a secret FBI Deep State CIA Monster, because Pap thinks everybody is a secret FBI Deep State CIA Monster. He's always crying, I WUZ FRAMED! The FBI sent an informant to frame him, and then before that they sent that Maltese perfesser Joseph Mifsud to tell him fake secrets about Russia having dirt on Hillary and, you betcha, the FBI probably sent Sergei Millian to woo him with secret Russian jobs, HE WUZ FRAMED!

Indeed, it was probably also the FBI Deep State CIA Monsters who offered Pap an extremely lucrative deal after the election, so that he and Trump could get riiiiiiiiiich.

Tell us more about how Sergei tried to seduce Pap DURING the campaign! (But not in the sexxx way, you perverts!)

OK, so yeah! THESE GUYS! These two wild 'n' crazy guys! Who were totally friends on Facebook!

The Post reports that in 2016, while Pap was doing all his other NO COLLUSION for the Trump campaign, he was also doing BUT HER EMAILS with Sergei Millian, who had started approaching him during the summer. (Spy!) (Allegedly!)

By October, Papadopoulos said Millian approached him with an idea: He said he could get Papadopoulos a public relations contract with a New York firm connected to an unidentified Russian national. The job would pay $30,000 a month, Millian told him.

"It was an enticing offer," Papadopoulos said. He said he was clear with Millian from the start that he would not work for any Russian under U.S. sanctions.

Mighty patriotic of you, Pap.

They met in Chicago to talk about it:

Papadopoulos said that Millian seemed nervous during the meeting. He was pacing, sweating and wearing a scarf around his neck, even though they were indoors.

Then, Millian explained that the job would require Papadopoulos to continue to work for Trump after the election.

"He said, 'You know, George, in Russia it's very common for people to work both in the private and public sector at the same time,' " Papadopoulos recalled Millian telling him.

Yes, Sergei, we have heard about how shithole countries work.

Anyway, sounds like spywork to us! Pap reports that he said NO WAY, BAD RUSSIA MAN, and we bet right at that second he pulled out a harmonica and started playing the Proud To Be An American song as he waltzed out of the meeting, probably to call one of the other Russian spies he was in contact with on his Obamaphone.

And that is why Pap thinks Millian did a DEEP STATE FBI SET-UP to him, because it apparently never crossed his mind that there were millions of Russian spies literally living inside his underwear during the Trump campaign. Also, he says Millian's Moroccan friend told him at that Russian restaurant in DC that Millian worked for the FBI. We guess Millian was in the bathroom when Moroccan Friend definitely for sure said that. (Moroccan Friend says THE FUCK YOU SAY?)

Anyway, so all that happened.


While we're here, any more weird shit to tell us about Pap?


In our rabbit-holing research into how this new Washington Post reporting on Millian and Pap figures into the larger narrative of Trump and Russia, we found some recent reporting about Pap that suggests that maybe he might not be out of the woods yet, even though he has been released from his harrowing nine minutes in the prison he was banished to for lying to the FBI.

Natasha Bertrand and Scott Stedman reported back in November at The Atlantic that Adam Schiff and the feds were investigating a brand new letter from a tipster, who claimed to have evidence that just after Trump's election, Pap was just fuckin' BRAGGIN' that he was "doing a business deal with Russians which would result in large financial gains for himself and Mr. Trump."


Stedman shares a screengrab of a text where Pap allegedly tells the letter writer the deal will make him "set for life":

Now, you might be wondering, is THIS deal the same thing Millian was offering Pap in the last section? UNCLEAR. Stedman notes that the thing about $30,000 a month to secretly work for a Russian thing is a story told by Pap, who said Millian hadn't told him who he'd actually be working for. However, Pap's nutbag wife Simona Mangiante told The Daily Caller that the job offer was from a Russian energy company called Bashneft, which is part of Russian energy giant Rosneft, and holy shit, now we're back in Steele Dossier land, aren't we!

Because ALLEGEDLY there was some sort of quid pro quo involving the sale of a 19.5 percent stake in Rosneft, ALLEGEDLY at least partially brokered by Carter Page (hello, you idiot!), ALLEGEDLY that involved some sort of bribe where that stake would somehow end up in Trump's hands (or maybe the hands of his close associates) if he became president and lifted sanctions on Russia. And then NOT ALLEGEDLY, just after the election -- during the same time period of Pap's grifting we're talking about -- a mysterious sale of just that sort happened, involving Qatar and Glencore, a Swiss company with a li'l bit of a money laundering problem, ALLEGEDLY. Why could this matter? Oh nothing, it's just that apparently Sergei Millian has some very interesting ties with the Russian energy industry, and he was doing a lot of hobnobbing with them in 2016 just before he started barking up Pap's tree and poking at the Trump campaign in general. (Remember how Millian had his picture made with Oleg Deripaska at the St. Petersburg Economic Forum in June 2016? He also had his picture made with Alexander Novak, the Russian minister of energy, who sits on the boards of both Rosneft and Gazprom.)

Regardless, our read is that we are talking about more than one grifty opportunity young Pap was pursuing.

Bertrand and Stedman say they know who wrote the letter, and everybody investigating the letter knows who wrote it. That person said they were speaking out because of how Pap had "become increasingly hostile toward those who are investigating him and his associates." And he had. Remember what was happening this past November, when this letter was sent? He spent the fall losing his shit and tweeting stupid shit about Robert Mueller and going on Fox News with Simona claiming HE WUZ FRAMED, and that maybe he'd back out of his plea deal, because WITCH HUNT! NO COLLUSION WITCH HUNT!

If the letter is true, then oh boy, Pap might be in deeper with Russia than he likes to tell us:

The confidant who sent the letter to Schiff's office last week claimed to have witnessed a phone call between Papadopoulos and Trump in December 2016, around the same time that Papadopoulos was allegedly boasting about the Russia deal and sending emails to [Michael] Flynn and Trump's campaign CEO, Steve Bannon.

UH HUH? So what was this alleged deal, please? And how would it have made Pap (AND MR. TRUMP) super rich?

The letter alleges that Pap said in 2016 that he was working his grift through "Greek Orthodox leaders" and the Russians they loved. This actually makes a certain kind of sense, because "Greek Orthodox leaders" are likely to be tied up with "Russian Orthodox leaders," who are so so far up the Kremlin's ass it's insane. Bertrand and Stedman note that Pap's closest buddy in the Greek government is the defense minister, Panos Kammenos, who went to Trump's inauguration, and who fucking loves Russia so much he spontaneously shits spanakopita with JOY whenever the rogue nation is mentioned. (Allegedly! It's just an expression!)

Here's what Bertrand and Stedman said about that, albeit more maturely than Wonkette just did:

Papadopoulos's closest association with the Greek government, however, appears to have been with Greek Defense Minister Panos Kammenos, an outspoken supporter of Moscow with whom Papadopoulos met several times in 2016 and early 2017, including at Trump's inauguration. In his congratulatory tweet celebrating Trump's election victory, Kammenos noted Papadopoulos's importance in maintaining U.S.-Greek relations. A NATO military-intelligence official told BuzzFeed News earlier this year that the Greek Ministry of Defense "is considered compromised by Russian intelligence."

They also note that Pap kiiinda sorta accidentally told the Greek foreign minister back in May 2016 about how the Russians had major shit on Hillary. Oops!

Point of all this is that Pap may still be in SUPER BIG TROUBLE, and perhaps that's why he's been lashing out. Maybe that week he spent in jail last year was just practice!

What have we just learned about Pap and Sergei Millian, besides how they are fuckin' weird and we hate them so much?

Whatever the truth is of just how important Sergei Millian really is, he's definitely somewhere in this whole Trump-Russia mix, at least to the point that back in 2017, in a letter the Senate Judiciary Committee fired off to Jared Kushner demanding that he turn over all his Russian communications he obviously innocently forgot to give them, they demanded communications with Sergei Millian.

The last Congress wanted to interview Millian, but he told the Senate to fuck off, and told the House that he would need immunity, at which point former House Intel Committee chair Devin Nunes decided to do nothing about it. Presumably, under the new House Intelligence Committee, with grown-ups in charge, motherfucker will get a subpoena parked right up his ass. Adam Schiff commented before the new Congress was sworn in:

"Sergei Millian remains someone of deep interest to our investigation," said Rep. Adam B. Schiff (Calif.), the new chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, citing Millian's "opaque business and personal history" and interactions with Papadopoulos.

As the Washington Post notes, we have no idea whether Robert Mueller has talked to Millian. But you know who DOES know? Robert Mueller. (Who did you think we were gonna say?)

As for Pap, we bet Robert Mueller also has an inkling of a clue if that guy committed a whole bunch of new crimes and needs to be LOCK HER UPPED again.

Otherwise, we have basically learned the thing we said above about how we hate these idiots oh my god we hate them so much.

We swear to God, we will donate real American money to Donald Trump's favorite charity the second we find a genuinely intelligent person in this scandal. You betcha.

[Washington Post / ibid. / The Atlantic / Medium]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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