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New Trump, same as the old Trump.


Good Monday morning, everyone! The birds are chirping, the bees are fucking, and Donald Trump is starting his first full week of being a kinder, gentler, more growned-up, less thin-skinned poopy-pants of a presidential candidate, and it's going STELLAR, JUST TERRIFIC, FABULOUS, YOOGE.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605693/donald-trump-regrets-offending-you-or-whatever-he-can-be-preznit-nao"></a>[/wonkbar]Trump vaguely said last week that he sort of kind of maybe regrets saying the wrong things sometimes, and new Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said this weekend that Trump does not "hurl personal insults." (That's right. Conway, the former Ted Cruz shill who thought Trump was a piece of shit when she was being paid to believe that, said Trump Does Not Insult People.) So the panel on "Morning Joe" decided to test Trump's newfound commitment to raising the level of discourse. MSNBC analyst Rick Tyler made fun of RNC chair Reince Priebus for giving Trump SO MUCH CREDIT for going like 48 hours without saying he's gay for Putin or that it's disgusting when ladies bleed out of their wherevers, noting that "He’s sort of talking about his candidate as if he graduated from diapers to big boy pants." RawStory reports that Mika Brzezinski also said Trump sounded drunk in a recent speech.

Is Trump going to take that kind of abuse? Is he going to let people say he is a drunk person wearing adult pants? No, he is a sober, diaper-shitting baby, and don't you forget it!

It's remarkable how easily his masculinity is threatened by any woman who dares to exist. He wasn't done, though:

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603611/how-many-broom-closets-at-30-rock-have-joe-and-mika-used-to-bump-uglies"></a>[/wonkbar]What, the thing about how Joe and Mika allegedly journo-bang each other in all the broom closets at 30 Rock every single day, and how sometimes the reason Mark Halperin looks uncomfortable on the set of "Morning Joe" is because Joe and Mika are finger-romancing each other under the see-through glass table, like a couple of teenagers who have a popular morning news program, ALLEGEDLY? Old news, orange man, say something better and more interesting.

Did this really get under Joe and Mika's skin? No, because they are grown-ups. Joe just decided to poke Trump some more, because why not, gotta do something to make Mondays more fun:

Joe also retweeted a thing about how Trump is probably feeling nervous and small this morning because Hillary bought 80 million buckeroos in new ads, and Mika retweeted a new Hillary ad about how Trump is an unhinged dicksnot who's not mature enough to lead a nation. It's a good ad!

And then it was all over. Has Trump turned into a new kind of candidate? Hahaha, of course not, he is an untrainable fuckface. Having successfully done their journalistic duty by baiting Trump into stepping on his own dick, Joe and Mika finished "Morning Joe" and went and played intercourse games in a stairwell, allegedly, because they were horny, allegedly.

[RawStory]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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