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Trump waves a single sad hoof in anger.


Awwwww, did the Republican nominee for president get a boo boo on his woo woo? As we all know by now, Hillary Clinton delivered a fantastic speech Thursday, ostensibly on "foreign policy," but really she just used that as a springboard to call Donald Trump an unhinged, thin-skinned man-child who has no business having his baby hands anywhere near America's nuclear codes. (It was really a great speech! Read more here!)

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602532/hillary-foreign-policy-speech-donald-trump-idiot"></a>[/wonkbar]While Hillz was still giving her speech, Trump Twitter-bitched out a review, giving it NO STARS, NOT YOOOOGE, and noting that she did really bad reading off her "Telepromter," which is not how you spell that word at all. Friday morning, Trump was still Twitter-bitching, and still spelling "Teleprompter" incorrectly:

To be fair, the "P" key is way up on the top right of the keyboard, and maybe Donald Trump's tiny pinky finger can't always stretch out and hit it good. Awwwww. Funny thing how Trump posted like two angry, substance-free tweets, but went silent when Hillz made fun of his his Twitter habits, saying, "I’m willing to bet he’s writing a few right now."

Later, during a rally Thursday in San Jose, Trump tried to hit back at the mean lady who will one day be the boss of him, but it didn't go much better than it did on Twitter:

I mean, I watched Hillary today, it was pathetic. It was pathetic. [Loud boooooooos and a few accidental poops from Trump supporters] It was so sad to watch. And you know she's up there, supposed to be a foreign policy speech, it was a political speech, it had nothing to do with foreign policy. [...]

When you watched her today, she does not look presidential, that I can tell you. She does not. This is not a president.

In case you're keeping track at home, this is apparently what looks presidential:

Okay, pooky.

Try again:

I watched Hillary's thing today, it was hard, it's like taking Sominex. To watch her is like Sominex. Have you ever heard of Sominex? Sleep all night. Bing! [Trump mimics human sleeping.] It's hard to stay awake, you know, I'm not a big sleeper! I think she could make more money if she made speeches and sold them for people who can't sleep!

Did the mean lady make Trump-Trump want to go night night with her big words?

Say something different, boo boo:

Crooked Hillary said we will always stand by our partners! We will never leave! We will stand by our partners! We never ever will leave! These are great allies! She said China is jealous of us. And she saiiiiiiiiid ... who else is jealous? She said, oh! China and Russia are jealous of our relationships. They're not jealous! They think we're stupid!

Yes, it's that inspiring message about how much America sucks so hard, the one that goes over so well with normal voters. Show us on the doll where America touched you, Donald Trump:

Got one more in you, champ?

And remember I said I was a counterpuncher? I am! After what she said about me today in her phony speech, that was a phony speech, that was a Donald Trump hit job, I will say this! Hillary Clinton has to go to jail, OK? She has to go to jail. [More boos and accidental poops from Trump supporters, and some intentional poops probably.]

That was a phony hit job! She's guilty as hell!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602246/confirmed-hillary-is-sleaziest-email-criminal-since-colin-powell"></a>[/wonkbar]Except for how Hillary hasn't been accused of any actual crimes and the latest investigation in her piddly-ass email "scandal" shows that she's just about as big a criminal as Colin Powell was, with HIS damn emails. Oh, and that Benghazi thing, which they've investigated EIGHT TIMES, and still haven't found the smoking gun that says Hillary murdered FOUR DEAD AMERICANS for LOLs.

But we understand. Trump doesn't have anything else to say, because he's a very stupid man, and he's trying to play way out of his league right now. Sounds to us like the appleheaded vagina mouth bit off more lady pantsuit than he can chew, UH OH!

[The New Civil Rights Movement]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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