Thinking Outside the Cell
We had thought that portraying al Qeada terrorists as ineffectual Dilberts, slogging away at jihad like it was just another TPS report, was a misguided sitcom premise. Now the strange case of Ahmed Omar Abu Ali suggests that the world-wide terror network has both a real morale problem and employees possessed with all the enthusiasm of the graveyard shift at Kinko's. Abu Ali, under arrest for a plot to assassinate the President, said that his plan was foiled not by the Department of Homeland Security but by his cohorts' fondness for "sleeping and idle chit-chat." Abu Ali was, by contrast, a real go-getter:
According to the court papers, Abu Ali was asked: "Were you tasked to assassinate the president?"All on his own, eh? We can just imagine... [Shaky dream waves...]
He allegedly replied: "I came up with the idea on my own, but it did not get beyond the idea stage."
ABU ALI: "Hey, guys, let's come up with some ways to defeat the infidels?"
TERRORIST #1: "Anyone seen the remote?"
TERRORST #2: "Yeah, it's almost time for 'Starting Over'!"
ABU ALI: "No, really, guys: Infidels! Let's just toss some ideas out; run it up the flagpole and see who salutes? Then we kill them. Ha-ha. Though, really, we should kill someone."
TERRORIST #1: "Do you think Marsha will be able to save her marriage or not?"
TERRORIST #2: "I worry about her. She's refusing to see that she's her own worst enemy. Pass the Skittles?"
ABU ALI: "Yeah, so speaking of enemies, guys..."
TERRORIST #1: "Did you remember to TIVO 'Housewives'?"
TERRORIST #2: "Er...."
ABU ALI: "Killing someone. That might be a step in the right direction, jihad-wise. But who?"
TERRORIST #1: "I'm going to kill someone if he forgot the lovely ladies of Wisteria Lane!"
GANG 'TOO LAZY TO KILL BUSH [The Daily Record]
RELATED: The Pitch: A Series About Wacky Terrorists [NYT]
Man Accused of Plotting to Assassinate Bush [Fox News]