The Gareth Of Al QaedaWe had thought that portraying al Qeada terrorists as ineffectual Dilberts, slogging away at jihad like it was just another TPS report, was a misguided sitcom premise. Now the strange case of Ahmed Omar Abu Ali suggests that the world-wide terror network has both a real morale problem and employees possessed with all the enthusiasm of the graveyard shift at Kinko's. Abu Ali, under arrest for a plot to assassinate the President, said that his plan was foiled not by the Department of Homeland Security but by his cohorts' fondness for "sleeping and idle chit-chat." Abu Ali was, by contrast, a real go-getter:

According to the court papers, Abu Ali was asked: "Were you tasked to assassinate the president?"

He allegedly replied: "I came up with the idea on my own, but it did not get beyond the idea stage."

All on his own, eh? We can just imagine... [Shaky dream waves...]
ABU ALI: "Hey, guys, let's come up with some ways to defeat the infidels?"

TERRORIST #1: "Anyone seen the remote?"

TERRORST #2: "Yeah, it's almost time for 'Starting Over'!"

ABU ALI: "No, really, guys: Infidels! Let's just toss some ideas out; run it up the flagpole and see who salutes? Then we kill them. Ha-ha. Though, really, we should kill someone."

TERRORIST #1: "Do you think Marsha will be able to save her marriage or not?"

TERRORIST #2: "I worry about her. She's refusing to see that she's her own worst enemy. Pass the Skittles?"

ABU ALI: "Yeah, so speaking of enemies, guys..."

TERRORIST #1: "Did you remember to TIVO 'Housewives'?"

TERRORIST #2: "Er...."

ABU ALI: "Killing someone. That might be a step in the right direction, jihad-wise. But who?"

TERRORIST #1: "I'm going to kill someone if he forgot the lovely ladies of Wisteria Lane!"

And scene.


RELATED: The Pitch: A Series About Wacky Terrorists [NYT]

Man Accused of Plotting to Assassinate Bush [Fox News]


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