Nominee.
Once upon a time in a land a million miles away from here, in a year that was so long ago nobody was even born yet, a lady named Hillary Rodham Clinton was competing against a man named Barack Hussein Marxism Gayness The Worst for the Democratic presidential nomination. It was very close, closer than this current 2016 Democratic primary! But the writing was on the wall, the numbers had been mathed, and then mathed again, and once everybody's abacuses were worn the fuck out, everybody knew Mr. B. Marxism Gayness had beaten H-Rod Clinton fair and square.
And she was very sad! And her supporters were very sad! (And some of them were annoying PUMA brats, bless their hearts.) But on June 7, 2008, Hillary Clinton stood tall, suspended her campaign, and endorsed Obama:
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602657/ap-associated-press-calls-democratic-primary-hillary-clinton"></a>[/wonkbar]Fast forward to June 7, 2016 (TODAY), and the lady high heel shoe is on the other foot! The very same Hillary Clinton, who graciously threw her full support behind Barack Obama, and became his very effective Secretary Of State, has been declared the winner of the Democratic primary by the Associated Press, beating out Sen. Bernie Sanders, a very nice guy with a lot of good ideas! And a lot of really great supporters, who are going to be sad for a little bit. (And some annoying-as-fuck supporters who are kind of like 2008's PUMAs, bless their hearts, but they are not the majority of Bernie supporters. CERTAINLY not in these parts!)
We explained the #math part of this Monday night when the AP made its call. And we also went over how yes, we understand that superdelegates are not actually committed, and could change their minds, but how, despite protests to the contrary, supers actually don't exist to overturn the will of the people, except in very extreme circumstances. Future Wonkette BFF Samantha Bee helped us 'splain that, in a segment from her TV program! (Seriously, Sam Bee, CALL US, we would get along GREAT.)
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602646/obama-about-to-reveal-self-as-bought-and-paid-for-corporate-shillary-for-hillary"></a>[/wonkbar]President Obama is set to endorse Hillary -- maybe tonight, maybe on Wednesday -- and Senator Badass Elizabeth "Trump-Killah" Warren is likely to do so very soon. This thing, she is basically over.
However, no matter who you're supporting, we still want you to GO VOTE TODAY, if you are in one of the primary states (or the dumb undemocratic caucus state of North Dakota, pfffffft). And for the record, tyrant King Hillary wants you to also, too, even if you are voting for the other guy:
Listen. If you are on the winning team today, please do not be a dick, at least not in mixed company. If you are on the still-winners-in-our-hearts-but-not-actually-in-the-primary side, also do not be a dick, and take heart. It's a sad thing, when your favorite candidate doesn't make it all the way, but it's a hell of a lot better to be on the losing side in the primary than it is to be on the losing side in November.
REMINDER: The GOP has chosen DONALD FUCKING TRUMP as its nominee.
So, do you want to be sad in November? Or do you want to be happy, while the pig-nursing, goat-romancing, chicken-fellating illiterates who support Trump are sad? Let's all join together in support of November being a really sad month for those mouthbreathing Trump supporters, OK?
Yr Wonket loves you. ALL OF YOU.
