This Inspiring Liveblog About Super Tuesday Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity

We're super, thanks for asking!

Hey. Hello. Welcome. How you doin'? What's new? Can you believe this weather we're having? And how about those Mets, huh? Oh, and also, HOORAY! WOOT! YESSSSSS! Other expressions of glee! It's Super Tuesday!!!!1!

In case you were born yesterday on the back of the turnip truck, Super Tuesday is like the Election Day of presidential primary races, when Democrats and Republicans and those self-described "I like to read the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal to get both sides because I think for myself" Independents stand in line for a thousand ten hours to cast their votes for Donald Trump and whichever Democrat is gonna kick his ass in November. Step right up, Georgia and Vermont and Virginia and Alabama and O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A and Tennessee (hi, Evan!) and Arkansas and Taxachusetts and fine, Texas too, we guess. Tonight it's your turn to shine!

Or, for you bullcrap caucus states -- yes, we're looking at you tonight, Alaska and Wyoming Republicans, and Colorado Democrats, and Minnesota everybodies -- it's when you huddle in groups in a sweaty gym, or whatever, at a specific time o'clock and yell at each other in favor of your preferred candidate until you finally get tired and count up whoever is left standing and then flip a coin.

The first polls close at 7 PM Eastern, but you can talk amongst yourselves in the comments, which we do not allow, while we wait. Clothing optional, booze preferred.


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