This Is The Guy Who Wants To Keep North Carolina 'Straight'


This guy is your new friend. He is North Carolina state Sen. Buck Newton, and he'd like to be the state's new Republican attorney general. He has some thoughts on those transgenders forcin' their way into the state's bathrooms:

Tell your friends and family ... how hard we must fight to keep our state straight!

Factcheck: Some transgender people are straight. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation, oh fuck it, why try explaining things to stupid-asses?

He doesn't hate trans people, though. All people gots problems, yo:

Now it's been said that there are many, many, many, many more sexual predators on the sex offender list than there are transgender people. And we can all feel sympathy for folks who are having difficult times, because we all know folks that have a difficult time, whether folks are struggling with drugs, are struggling with their marriages, figuring out what it is that they're supposed to be doing in life. We can all have sympathy for that. But that does not mean that we should expose OUR WIVES AND OUR SISTERS AND OUR CHILDREN to the sexual predators in the bathrooms.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]Wait, what does that southern fried vinegar barbecue word salad even mean? He acknowledges that sex offenders and trans people aren't the same thing, and he feels sorry for druggies, but he supports the law to keep transgenders from pooping because OUR WIVES AND OUR SISTERS AND OUR CHILDREN are all going to get raped in the potty at the Target? Bad argument, motherfucker, go home to your beard, we mean wife, not that we're implying anything, nahhhhh.

We're impressed though, because usually these bigoted assweasels are only screaming about OUR WIVES AND CHILDREN! This guy remembered that sometimes ladies are our sisters, and maybe they don't want to get pooped next to by a scary transgender either. What about the aunts and the grandmothers? We are for curious.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]Remember the current attorney general of North Carolina, Roy Cooper? The hot daddy who refuses to defend HB 2, and is currently running to unseat shithead Gov. Pat McCrory? We just want to make sure you remember him, because he is #better than this douche-wagon.

So, a few other things are going on with the fight over HB 2 in North Carolina. Instead of writing five more posts about them, here are some sentences and dick jokes to get you up to speed:

  • North Carolina House Democrats have filed a bill to repeal the state's stupid bad shitty gay-hatin' law. It's obviously dead on arrival, because remember how the Republican-controlled legislature made this law happen with an EMERGENCY OMG! session that cost taxpayers $42K a day? Yeah, that.
  • There sure is a lot of pressure for repeal, though, because while the state lege may be made up mostly of rednecks who tongue-kiss their sisters and their cows, the actual people of North Carolina ain't all bad! A whole 45% of North Carolina voters think the law is fucked up and should die, and 54% think that it's bad for the state economy. Only 36% actually support it, and an even tinier 11% percent think it's good for the state economy. Man, those folks are dumb.
  • Gov. McCrory is still WAAAAAAAH BUTTHURT about everything. Adding to his original butthurt, he is now complaining that this whole HB 2 crisis was orchestrated by evil gay agenda-doers to make him look stupid and lose his re-election, awwwwwww! Fun fact: That same poll above shows sexxxy A.G. Cooper ahead by a point, so LOL if true!
  • MOAR CANCELLATIONS: Guess who is not bringing his (allegedly) fine dick to North Carolina now? That's right, Nick Jonas, formerly of the Jonas Brothers and now all growed up! He is on tour with Demi Lovato right now, and they agree that anti-LGBT hate laws can eff right off, so they canceled their shows in Raleigh and Charlotte. AND this conference in Asheville put on by a nonprofit run by Kellogg's is canceled too. AND an architects' conference in Wilmington. AND Pearl Jam and Cirque du Soleil and all these folks right here.
  • FULL DISCLOSURE: We don't know if Nick Jonas has a fine dick, actually. We just feel like we've heard rumors. We also don't know whether Demi Lovato has a fine-gina, but we'll assume so for equality purposes.

So that is your update on how North Carolina is getting throatcrammed by the gay agenda, and all because some transgenics gotta take a whiz. But remember what that motherfucker up top of this post said: Keep North Carolina Straight! It's obviously working well for him.

[Talking Points Memo / GLAAD / Public Policy Polling viaThe New Civil Rights Movement]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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