This Missouri Republican Wishes Old Chicks Were Still Hot Like Him
Fellas, don't you just hate it when that hot chick in high school algebra you used to fantasize about has the audacity to show up at your 50th high school reunion and is no longer 16 and perky and filling out her cardigan in that perky 16-year-old way anymore because of how she is no longer 16? Missouri state Rep. Bill Lant (R-As If You Couldn't Guess) sure hates that. He hates it so much, he had to blog about it, like some kind of heartsick 16-year-old:
The high point for Jane was getting to meet the girl I have mentioned more than a few times over the years because she totally distracted me in Algebra class by wearing a tight cardigan! She even had an exotic name, [name deleted because we are not jerks]! It never failed, Mr. Howerton would catch me staring at her and smack me across the knuckles with a ruler. I’m not kidding, have you ever noticed how gnarly my knuckles are? Well, [she] came running over and gave me a big hug and I thought she must have been one of the teachers. Wow! Time has not been kind to that girl! What was stretching the cardigan 50 years ago is now bumping the belt.
Jane, by the way, is the obviously fortunate Mrs. State Rep. Bill Lant, who of course has spent decades eagerly anticipating the opportunity to meet the once-hot girl her husband has "mentioned more than a few times over the years."
Lant apparently had the semi-sense to delete his post after other people on the interwebs found his observations a tad offensive. Including this commenter, whose point-missing skills are quite impressive:
A woman wrote on KCTV5’s Facebook page said that his comments were “Pretty poor decision making skills seeing that it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.”
If only Lant had waited until next month to complain that his distracting masturbatory material of yesteryear had succumbed to the human aging process.
Lant has, of course, since apologized if anyone was maybe offended:
I profusely apologize to anyone I may have offended with my posting concerning a 50-year reunion. It was not intended to be demeaning of anyone, and I would have removed it immediately had I not had emergency eye surgery on Friday. Again, I am very sorry if I have offended anyone.
Lant is a real nobody, representing a teeny tiny district and running Lant's Feed & Farm Supply in his spare time, but with that kind of eloquence and way with the ladies, we'll assume he has a bright future ahead of him in the Republican Party if he doesn't die of decrepit oldness first.