This Trump Tweet Is A Goddamn Masterpiece
This thing is great for twitter reception
Good morning, Wonkers! The White House Crazy Meter is up at 11 this morning, with Commander Twitterfingers hopping on the Obamaphone at 6:30 to let the people know HE'S STILL FUCKBONKERS INSANE. It's his signature cocktail of ignorance, lies, and narcissism, with a soupçon of random punctuation to tease the palate, so drink up!
Careful now, that stuff is strong. Two or three can knock you off your feet if you haven't built up a tolerance.
In all seriousness though, what is this shit? Is "he" using quotation marks around "I" because he fell on his "head"? And why is he pointing to the Gillespie and Moore losses as proof of his own political acumen?
He recorded robocalls for Gillespie and Moore because he knew they were going to lose? But we should definitely believe him now when he says that Republicans are going to "do well in 2018, very well!" Ummmm, okay.
Meanwhile back on Planet Earth, we seem to remember one or two stories on the Georgia and Montana special elections, even in the lamestream media. But we're sure Democratic Congressman Jimmy Gomez appreciates the opportunity to remind the country that he won the special election in California's 34th District in June.
Gomez replaced Xavier Becerra, a Democrat who vacated the seat to become California's Attorney General. Thanks to gerrymandering and political sorting, most congressional districts are safe seats. Which is why when the Trump administration tapped Mike Pompeo, Ryan Zinke, Mick Mulvaney and Tom Price, they were replaced by Republicans. Ditto Jason Chaffetz, who went off to make porn vitamins or something. What kind of idiot would look at these special elections and interpret it as a sign Republicans are going to romp in the 2018 midterms?
Oh, right! A guy who thinks that "Congress" doesn't include the Senate, where Jeff Sessions's old seat just flipped to a Democrat in the most conservative state in the country. Maybe he should watch this School House Rock video on the three branches of government. (Hint: Poppy, you're the one sitting at the desk actually working, no golf club or MAGA hat in sight!)
As for the shoutout to Fox and Friends, we were initially stumped. We turned to Matthew Gertz, who watches Fox in the mornings so that the rest of the country can understand what the old Dotard is tweeting about. God bless him for his service!
So we can expect that segment tomorrow. Right now, though, they've got important breaking news to cover.
AND IT'S ONLY MONDAY!
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.