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Yet another in the long-running internet series "cats with guns"


We had another mass shooting right here in U.S. America, resulting in four deaths (including the shooter) and 14 wounded, just hours before the Republican debate Thursday night. This particular massacre wasn't spectacular enough to merit a mention at the debate, which included only the usual oral service to the Holy Second Amendment. Another gunman -- this one an Uber driver who collected guns -- shot and killed six people Saturday while driving around Kalamazoo, Michigan, but that wasn't worth bringing up at the debate either. After all, neither killer was Muslim, so why should we consider a few more spree killings anything other than the acceptable price of Liberty?

Fortunately, the debate wasn't utterly without an acknowledgment of guns. Ted Cruz fretted about threats to the Second Amendment three separate times during the two-hour spectacle of dipshittery. As three families in Hesston, Kansas, learned that loved ones had been shot to death, and while 10 victims were in critical condition at area hospitals, Mr. Cruz worried about liberal judges who might murder the Second Amendment:

We are one liberal justice away from a five-justice radical leftist majority that would undermine our religious liberty; that would undermine the right to life; and that would fundamentally erase the Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms from the Constitution.

That's some right, that right to life. Happily, it got a shout-out prior to the precious right to keep and bear arms, which sometimes gets in the way of people's lives, but if they were foolish enough to go around unarmed, that's really their problem, now isn't it?

[contextly_sidebar id="1f7aq79Zcgkd72WznmF8Rs2OLDO6DQiO"]The Kansas gunman was identified as Cedric Ford, a 38-year-old who worked at the shooting site, Excel Industries, a maker of lawnmower parts. According to Harvey County Sheriff T. Walton, Ford had been issued a "protection from abuse" order about 90 minutes before beginning his shooting rampage. Sheriff Harvey had no details on the nature of the case that led to the protective order but said, "I believe that probably is the trigger, and it went from there." This would be a good place to pause and remind you that the National Rifle Association has consistently opposed most attempts to require people under protection orders to surrender their guns. After all, even abusive boyfriends deserve the right to protect themselves from terrorists or big government tyranny.

Ford took a handgun and a semiautomatic rifle and began shooting at people as he drove to Excel; he fired at two cars, hitting one person, and shot another person in the leg before he reached the plant, where witnesses say he "sprayed" bullets inside the factory.

Sheriff Walton said Ford was shot and killed by a member of the Hesston Police Department, the first law enforcement officer to arrive on the scene:

"Even though he took fire, he went inside of that place and saved multiple, multiple lives," Walton said. "[He's] a hero, as far as I'm concerned."

Next mass shooting will have live play-by-play

[contextly_sidebar id="KPrPxKN3y3bwz56vgpnU2SoJ6mO8dFEc"]While the shooting tally (ABC News helpfully offered the above scoreboard-style graphic) wasn't worth mentioning in the GOP debate, we would note that all of the GOP candidates believe that more guns are always the answer. Donald Trump is in favor of bullets "going in the opposite direction," presuming that any armed person in the plant could have reached a gun quickly enough. Marco Rubio similarly believes we all need guns as a "last line" of defense against terrorism, while Ted Cruz considers gun control "hitting what you aim at," haw haw. Nonentity Ben Carson would no doubt wonder why Excel workers didn't grab lawnmower blades and rush the shooter, the gutless pussies, and John Kasich probably would call for defunding Planned Parenthood to instill more respect for life. Sadly, we no longer have Jeb Bush around to remind us that stuff happens.

[ABC News / WaPo Debate Transcript / CNN / Vox / ABC News / Mlive]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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