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At some point, Republicans are going to have to stop pussy-footing around and accept that Donald Trump is their guy, their man, their main squeeze beau hunk fella presidential candidate. Alas and alack and groan, that point is not here yet, because Republicans are slow and dumb, so there's yet another GOP debate. Tonight. Again. GAH.

You have questions? We have abuse and dick jokes and the occasional answer.

Can You, Like, For Once Just Not, Wonkette, And Give Us The Actual 411?

Wow did you wake up on the un-fun side of the bed this morning. But FINE.

Who?

Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, John Kasich, Ben Carson. Every last one of the other 17 million candidates who peddled their logo'd crap in their campaign store website has dropped out like a bunch of losers. Now it's just Trump and these last remaining losers who think "math" is for stupids. Yes, Marco Rubio, we're looking at you, dumb-dumb.

What?

A CNN "debate," OH JOY. That means Wolf Blitzer is moderating all nine hours or however long this silly thing is going to last. Even though it really doesn't take very long for all five candidates to say "Me good, him bad, Obama sucks, amen."

Where?

In Texas, at the University of Houston's Moores Opera Center. And on your teevee and interweb devices. And yes, CNN will be livestreaming so you can watch it with your iTablet resting on the toilet, while you slowly drain your veins in your bathtub. If that's your thing.

When?

Thursday night, 8:30 PM eastern, 5:30 PM pacific, some-thirty PM mountain, dunno, you "Mountain Time" weirdos will have to calculate that yourselves. You're used to it.

Why?

Hell if we know. To sell denture cream in between the talking times?

Thank You. See? That Wasn't So Hard, Was It?

Who's the smart-ass now, huh?

Liveblog, Yeah?

Does the pope shit all over Donald Trump's face for being bad at Jesus? Yes, duh, liveblog. See you then.

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