Time For The Gaetzgate Update: PeenerPal Pardon Edition. Featuring Guest Star Roger Stone!

Roger Stone told Joel Greenberg to write a ten-page essay detailing every crime he'd ever committed and get ready to wire $250,000 in Bitcoin in order to secure a pardon from President Trump. And that idiot actually did it! He actually spent several days meticulously documenting every crime he'd ever committed, then handed the confession over to Roger Stone, the OG Ratfucker, so he could pass it along to the White House and get that blathering fool a presidential pardon.

"I will review it with them and give you a budget. This is very doable and the time is now," Stone wrote on November 20, 2020, as if he just needed to put his reading glasses on and review the specs on a magic pardon box in which to bury a 33-count indictment for fraud, bribery, stalking, identity theft, and sex-trafficking.

You know, we're beginning to suspect that Matt Gaetz's onetime wingman may not have the best judgment after all. Perhaps that's why yet another tranche of his communications wound up in the hands of the Daily Beast's Jose Pagliery and Roger Sollenberger, including multiple drafts of the former Seminole County tax collector's sordid memoirs, both typed and handwritten.

"On more than one occasion, this individual was involved in sexual activities with several of the other girls, the congressman from Florida's First Congressional District and myself," Greenberg wrote in reference to "Vintage99," the handle used by the girl he met on the SeekingArrangement site and admits to having sex with before she turned 18. (Politico got their hands on those messages, because Greenberg's OPSEC is flawless.)

"From time to time, gas money or gifts, rent or partial tuition payments were made to several of these girls, including the individual who was not yet 18," he wrote. "I did see the acts occur firsthand and Venmo transactions, Cash App or other payments were made to these girls on behalf of the Congressman."

So Joel Greenberg was watching Matt Gaetz have sex, too? Cool, cool.

Greenberg says that he discovered in September of 2017 that "Vintage99" was not 19, as he insists she told him, but was actually 17 — which would make sense because what the hell did he think the "99" stood for, her locker combination? Bro, do you even math?

"My lawyers that I fired, know the whole story about MG's involvement," Greenberg told Stone on December 21 via the encrypted messaging app Signal. "They know he paid me to pay the girls and that he and I both had sex with the girl who was underage."

Seems bad, actually! Which is perhaps why these geniuses were communicating on an app set to vaporize their conversation after ten seconds. Luckily Agent 007 was screenshotting it all for posterity.

Greenberg's first move upon learning that he'd committed statutory rape was to call up the CHILD VICTIM and yell at her for her bad judgement.

"Immediately I called the congressman and warned him to stay clear of this person and informed him she was underage," Greenberg wrote. "He was equally shocked and disturbed by this revelation."

Greenberg continued in the handwritten draft that he "confronted" the then-17-year-old and explained to her "how serious of a situation this was, how many people she put in danger."

"She apologized and recognized that by lying about her age, she endangered many people," he continued. "There was no further contact with this individual until after her 18th birthday."

But he and Gaetz learned their lesson and didn't pay her for sex any more ... well, not until she finally turned 18. In the Beast's last tranche of Greenberg's comms, they revealed that in May of 2018 Gaetz Venmo-ed Greenberg $900 tagged "Hit up [Vintage99]," after which Greenberg sent the 18-year-old and two other women a total of $900.

So, it appears that Matt Gaetz may be in a wee spot of bother! As Greenberg wrote to Stone, the Florida congressman "absolutely has to know that the sex charge they hit me with would be what they would hit him with." And still, November turned into December, and December turned into January, and no pardon was forthcoming, despite repeated assurances from Stone that he would "know by the end of the day" and hoped that Greenberg was "prepared to wire me $250,000 because I'm feeling confident."

"Honestly, I would have thought MG would have reached out to me or tried via a third party," Greenberg messaged Stone in December. "You need to stress to him the severity of all this. One conversation with Trump and he can get this done and it all goes away."

And if he didn't, Greenberg reminded Stone that the feds were beating down his door and trying to flip him.

"But Roger, come Jan. 21st I have to do what's best for me and my family," he wrote. "I know you understand. This is my life, I've got two young kids. You think MG is going to come visit me in prison?"

But although Greenberg's name wound up on potential pardon lists circulating at the White House, Gaetz never lifted a finger to help his old friend.

"What I don't understand is why MJ would not help me at all and actually told me not to help you which I tried to do anyway," Stone wrote, while conceding that the congressman's intercession wouldn't have changed the outcome.

"In the end it would not have mattered," he said. "[White House Counsel Pat] Cipollone killed everything we wanted to get done and that includes stuff MG wanted."

For his part, Stone insists the screenshotted messages are fake news.

"I made no formal or informal effort in regard to a pardon for Mr. Greenberg. I recall requesting a document explaining his prosecution. The details of which I was unfamiliar with," he said, adding "I never requested or received a penny from Mr. Greenberg ... I recall him offering to retain me and I declined."

Then he threatened to sue the reporters. Because when your competitors include two guys who had sex with a minor, you really have to work hard to become the worst person in the story.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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