Friday

• Bob Newhart is a funny man. He discusses his new book I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This: And Other Funny Things That Strikes Me as Funny at Borders tonight. The one at 18th and L NW. Free at 6PM. [Borders]

• Can Bob Newhart compete with AP and WP reporter John Pomfret? Your body is saying yes. Pomfret talks about Chinese Lessons, his new book about "the new China." Politics & Prose. Free at 7PM. [P&P]

Saturday

• Happy Rosh Hashanah. [Judaism 101]

• Worst President Ever. This is a one-man show about how badly the President sucks. Unfortunately for this one man and his show, the Washington Times called it "hilarious." Warehouse Theater. 7:30PM. [Warehouse]

Sunday

• Have you ever seen a dog talk on the telephone? Wear glasses? Sunday may be your last chance. William Wegman takes photos of weimaraners doing "funney" things. At the Smithsonian American Art Museum. [Smithsonian]

• Colin Blunstone and Rod Argent of The Zombies, The Mooney Suzuki, The Fleshtones, The Woggles and The Five Maseratis at the Black Cat. $20 at 8PM. Caution: This event is co-hosted by 94.7 "The Arrow" and may involve frisbees, cozies or a "personality." [Black Cat]

• Opening night of the Bodog Battle of the Bands at DC9. $15 at 7PM. We really wanted to summarize this 3-day music event for you. We have had plenty of Advil, we read the website and looked at the pictures. Is it a video game? Is VH1 involved? Why is it called Bootcamp? We have no answers. [Bodog Battle of the Bands]