Today In Crazy Talk: Married To the Mob
There's nothing we love more than reprinting your unsubstantiated rumor and innuendo -- seriously, we love that stuff, and we're always looking for more of it. But sometimes, even we have to draw the line. A pretty good illustration of that line arrived in our inboxes earlier today. Here, for your edification: The Campbell Brown Rumor Too Hot Even For Wonkette:
Is this why we spotted several hard-core mafia-types passing through the Denver, Colorado area just a week or two ago? Seems that Campbell Brown (not her original birth name) [we're pretty sure it is --ed] and her sister Kyle Dwyer (not her original birth name) [actual name: Kyle Dyer --ed] [oh yeah, not Campbell Brown's sister, we're pretty sure --ed] at the NBC news affiliate Kusa in Denver, Colorado share a brother who is mafia hit man [ha ha ha ha ha --ed]. Ms. Dwyer [sic] bragged that her family is from the DC area and thererfore she, Ms. Dwyer [sic] is expert about government and law and knows everything that goes on there as did her co-worker Ms. Christiansen [check out the hair on Ms. Christiansen! --ed] who also bragged the same. Campbell Brown, while at that religious university in Denver, Colorado said that she supported trafficking in human beings, illegal weapons, and illegal drugs [uh.... --ed]. It appears that her new husband is in a marriage of convenience for himself in that he probably hopes to get lots of finder's fees from attorneys and such by contacts with Campbell Brown's family and friends and referral for litigation of her family and friends. As he is not related to Campbell Brown, he is not her family [first correct assertion so far? --ed]. The two entered a stranger marriage--marriages between strangers rather than the marriages common among at least 40% of the population on earth who wed from within their kinship group, and especially wed cousins or uncles or aunts) [uh..... --ed]
In case you didn't get all that: Cambell Brown's brother is a hit man, and Dan Senor married her to -- we think, though we're a little unclear on this still -- reap the financial benefits of all the litigation work that comes with marrying into the mob. 'Cause, uh, the guy can clearly use the extra cash. Also: isn't it weird that she didn't marry one of her Uncles? Oh, and the Channel 9 news team in Denver, Colorado? TOTAL BITCHES. Jeez!
Try again, crazy emailer! We loved it, but make it about someone harder to, you know, google.