Trump's Busy Schedule: Gotta Make The Nicknames!

Donald Trump will soon have to start actively working to keep a job he never should've had in the first place. He'll need to refresh himself on policies and articulate an agenda that is preferable to more Americans than his likely Democratic opponent's proposals for ending all air travel to save trees. It's a long hussle but the Associated Press reports that Trump's already begun focusing on what's important.

Inside the West Wing and in conversations with outside allies, Trump has been workshopping other attempts to imprint his new adversaries with lasting labels, according to two people on whom the president has tested out the nicknames. They spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss private conversations with the president. He is also testing out lines of attack in public rallies, exploring vulnerabilities he could use against them should they advance to the general election.

Shit, not this again. He's such a big, stupid child. We have little to no sympathy for anyone who willingly works in this wannabe fascist administration, but damn, can you imagine trying to just get through another day at Evil, Inc. and Trump calls you into the Oval Office to "workshop" material for his next open mic night?

These "lasting labels" aren't like when George H.W. Bush tried to define Michael Dukakis as a limousine liberal. Or when conservatives painted the moderate Barack Obama as a "radical Kenyan socialist." These are just dumbass, offensive nicknames. The president is getting ready to play the dozens like some hack comic and the media is just gonna shrug and let him.

How much of his day is Trump spending coming up with "nicknames" for his political opponents? Is it scheduled into his "executive time" when he's watching Fox News in his bathrobe or does he consider this actual, serious work? We're thinking at least three hours minimum.

The Hill ran an article today that rationalized Trump's ad hominem attacks as a legitimate political strategy that proved successful on the campaign trail. It's apparently not at all something a human-resembling person should regret and never repeat.

[Trump] labeled his Democratic presidential opponent, Hillary Clinton, "Crooked Hillary" during the general election, a moniker that some experts say contributed to Clinton's overall difficulties proving her trustworthiness among voters.

What crack-addled "experts" think "Crooked Hillary" is why Clinton lost the election? Robert Mueller hasn't spent almost two years investigating Russian involvement coming up with stupid-ass nicknames. OK, sure, unchecked slander against your opponent can certainly negatively impact their Q rating. It was a doubleteam attack with the media hammering Clinton relentlessly about emails -- either her own or made-up ones. In the year of our Audra McDonald 2019, can we at least admit that Donald "Individual 1" Trump is now and has always been more "crooked" than Hillary Rodham Clinton?

Unfortunately, if the election is performed in a smoke-filled 1990s-era comedy club, Trump will probably win. Sherrod Brown has many skills but dope diss tracks aren't among them. Elizabeth Warren has tried getting in the mud with Trump, forcefully responding to his racist Pocahontas insults. This somehow backfired on her. Trump remained unscathed and free to continue dunking on Warren's heritage.

The AP is also guilty of enabling Trump's flat-out bigotry.

No candidate has drawn more commentary and criticism from Trump than Sen. Warren, the liberal Massachusetts Democrat. Warren's past claims of Native American heritage prompted Trump to brand her "Pocahontas" and he has shown no qualms about deploying racially charged barbs harking back to some of the nation's darkest abuses.

Really, Associated Press? Really? Trump called Warren a racist -- not "racially charged" but racist -- nickname because he's racist. Linking it to a supposed bad thing Warren did gives Trump more credit than he deserves and helps him paint Warren as a Soul Man-cosplaying liar.

This is just the beginning, of course. There's no telling what horribly offensive, likely sexist and racist -- or both in Kamala's case -- nicknames the supposed leader of the free world has in store for us. God bless America.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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