Today's Top Network Excuses For Not Running Obama's Immigration Speech (1. He's Black) Updated!
Update/new development: Yr. Wonkette is psychic once again! (see end of post) Barry Bamz is going to single-handedly overthrow the rule of law tonight, but the teevee networks have decided not to carry the speech, because come on, it's only a presidential speech, and those are lame. Or maybe they're too partisan, according to some guy who writes a really overheated column at Politico:
A network insider tells Playbook: “There was agreement among the broadcast networks that this was overtly political. The White House has tried to make a comparison to a time that all the networks carried President Bush in prime time, also related to immigration . But that was a bipartisan announcement, and this is an overtly political move by the White House.”
Just to be clear, that "bipartisan" speech in 2006 was the one where George W. Bush bipartisanly announced he was deploying National Guard troops to the border, and bipartisanly spoke of illegal immigrants slinking around like little brown cockaroaches all over your nice clean America:
Once here, illegal immigrants live in the shadows of our society. Many use forged documents to get jobs, and that makes it difficult for employers to verify that the workers they hire are legal. Illegal immigration puts pressure on public schools and hospitals, ... it strains state and local budgets ... and brings crime to our communities.
Oh, but he also said -- after the scary vermin imagery -- that "the vast majority of illegal immigrants are decent people who work hard, support their families, practice their faith, and lead responsible lives." So maybe saying "they're not all scum" was the bipartisan part.
So what are the networks running in the 8 p.m. Eastern primetime slot instead?
ABC: Gray's Anatomy
NBC: The Biggest Loser: Glory Days
CBS: The Big Bang Theory
Now, given that we're still mad that one time that "Laugh In" was preempted for some dumb Nixon announcement about bombing Cambodia, we guess we can see why the networks wouldn't want to get all partisan by interrupting their weight loss reality show or their extremely witty collection of nerd jokes, just so some Kenyan can tell us about how he's not deporting millions of people who have been here for years. That would only upset people anyway, and if they get pissed about the president getting in the way of their stupid game shows, we can imagine the networks would catch hell for putting That Man on the tube during primetime.
It's also going to be a good night for impeachment advocates and other spinners. Rep. Steve "Constitutional Crisis" King told Luke "Shut the Fuck Up" Russert that he's all lined up to be on four networks himself tonight, which at first makes you wonder why they'll carry him but not Bamz, until you realize he was talking about Fox, Fox Business, Fox Home Shopping, and the dismally rated Fox After Dark pay-per-view channel.
At least Barry's going to be getting some broadcast network love:
The two Hispanic-focused networks, Univision and Telemundo, will broadcast the speech live. Univision is even delaying the Latin Grammys broadcast for the speech.
Somehow, you just know that in the Fox News retelling, they'll become the only two over-the-air networks that Obama allowed to carry the speech.
Update: That didn't take long, although our psychic prediction had the outlet wrong. Not Fox, but National Review Online, which we understand is one of those joke sites that isn't really funny. NRO's John Fund decides that it wasn't the networks that declined to carry the speech, but Obama, who is hiding his true intent from The (really) American People:
The man who declared at the Democratic convention in 2004 that “there’s not a liberal America and a conservative America; there’s the United States of America” has come a long way. He now wants a segment of Americans to see his speech dramatically changing immigration law, while he goes out of his way to avoid the broader national audience. Talk about dividing America after you talked so much about uniting it.
Damn that Obama and his refusal to let the networks show his speech!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.