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Tom Davis Credits Jenny Sanford With Having Achieved Tom Davis-Like Power

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Mark Sanford! You might remember this guy from a few days ago, when he cruellyMichael Jackson ex machina'ed what was supposed to be the Summer of Becton. His insane emails were of a more pornographic persuasion than those of Becton, so out of obligation to democracy, all of America's GChat statuses then changed to reference Sanford. Alas! Tables turned again, with Michael Jackson playing the role of "Michael Jackson," and everyone forgot about Mark Sanford and his Argentinian inamorata. That about brings us up to speed, to today, when Sanford and Sons and Wife took separate cars to some Faulknerian Camp David, which is, according to Sanford, symbolic of why Sanford is not resigning from his governorship or his marriage. In fact, according to a one "Tom Davis," who controls all South Carolina politics from his Michael Crichton-themed masturbatorium under Sanford's porch, SC lawmakers are looking to Jenny Sanford for clues about how angry they should be, at Mark, for cheating. 


So reports The State, MVP news source in all this:

The governor's efforts to stay in office appear, in the minds of some lawmakers, to hinge in part on his ability to salvage his marriage. While several critics wants a criminal probe and others want him to step down, reconciling with the first lady does have sway among legislators.

"That's almost become a proxy for how some are looking at this. They're looking at Jenny," said state Sen. Tom Davis, a Beaufort Republican and former Sanford chief of staff. "In large measure, it depends on how things work and how people see things are working out between the governor and first lady."

In other words, Mark Sanford will have to make this up to the state of South Carolina by convincing his wife, a metonym, to continue to have sex with him, despite forgoing previous opportunities of this sort in favor of gorging himself on Italian food in South America with one of its sexy nationals.

[The State]

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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