'Transformed Wife' Hopes Coronavirus Will Make Ladies Stay Home And Bake Bread FOREVER

Feminininism

One thing COVID-19 is doing, other than killing people and otherwise making life pretty heinous, is inspiring a lot of really bad and really predictable takes. Conspiracy theorists are coming up with conspiracy theories, snake oil salesmen are telling people to drink bleach and colloidal silver, racists are using it as an excuse to get extra racist, and anti-feminists are finding a way to make all of this about them and their sad, stupid dreams for the world.

In a post on her blog this week, our old friend Lori Alexander, AKA The Transformed Wife, shared a comment she described as having "a LOT of truth in it," from a reader on Facebook who suggested that once the COVID-19 pandemic is over, women should be forced to continue staying at home, because of how that was probably what God was hoping for when he cursed us with this. Yes. God started a pandemic, which so far has killed over 52,000 people, because he was tired of all these career ladies going around having jobs instead of being stay-at-home-mothers like he wanted. Way to rip off Margaret Atwood, a woman who works, God!

"Women should be required to stay home permanently after this. Give their jobs, that they now don't have, to some fathers and husbands who need them. God finally forced what is natural because women won't choose to do it. And they are all finding out they don't HAVE to work. Yank the money away and they are still surviving on one income. No more excuses."

NO MORE EXCUSES!


First of all, that is not even how employment works. Even if we wanted to, we couldn't just go and find some random fathers or husbands, and walk up to them and say "Hey Bill! Would you like to take my job?" Second of all, it's not just women who are losing their jobs? There are probably many situations where women are still working and their husbands are out of a job or working from home. This would only make sense if women were the only ones who could get COVID-19, which is obviously not the case. Third of all, gross.

Of course, The Transformed Wife is reasonable. She doesn't think women should be forced to stay home, even though she knows she would make for an excellent Aunt Lydia. But she does hope that the coronavirus will lead to them wanting to stay at home.

Now that many women are home full time, they are learning to bake bread, cook from scratch, sew, cut their husbands' and sons' hair, and not waste food. They're wearing fewer clothes and less to no makeup. They're not getting their hair cut and dyed or their nails done. They're learning to garden and take care of their yards. They're cleaning their own homes. Many are even teaching their own children. They are learning to live simply and frugally at home. These are all GREAT things!

Yeah, and so are men. Because they are not immune to the coronavirus. Duh. Also, rather than make this lifestyle appealing, this pandemic is making people realize how much they desperately do not want to stay at home all of the time.

Alexander then points out that women should realize that by working, they are stealing jobs from men, and that is not what God wants.

Being truthful, women in the workforce ARE taking jobs away from men. God created men to be the providers not women. There is very little good that has come from women entering the workforce, only harm. They are out of their God-ordained roles and only chaos comes from this. God is a God of order. His ways create order.

Too bad for them, then, I guess!

But what about women who are not married? What are they to do? Well, Lori Alexander/God has a plan for them as well. For young widows, they must marry and bear children. Older widows are to be taken care of by the family and also not work. Single women are allowed to earn money while searching for a husband, but only doing domestic things like "cooking, catering, and decorating."

And divorced women must go and beg their husbands to come back, unless the divorce was his idea.

What about single divorced mothers? If your ex-husband isn't remarried, do what you can to win him back especially if you were the one to divorce him simply because you weren't "happy." This would be the best case scenario. If he is remarried and he divorced you, I believe you are free to marry.

Oh, well that seems fair. Although we still can't leave the home to work.

But in the meantime, seek the Lord in prayer and ask Him to make a way for you to be home with your children. They need and want you! There are many ways to make money from home these days.

Good that she/God has got this all figured out for us!

[The Transformed Wife]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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