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Translating Tina Resurrected: Deep Throat vs. Deep Throat

In which we translate this week's Washington Post column by Tina Brown as a public service.




Tina saysTina means
"the days when porn legend Linda Lovelace and her co-star Harry Reems were making oral history together..."Oral history!? I must book Studs Terkel on my television show! Have intern check: he very well may be dead.
"The money was collected nightly by Mafia bagmen, their suitcases bulging with huge quantities of disappearing cash."Hey, that's what Hearst and Miramax did to me at Talk! Fucking Weinsteins.

"The current FCC fatwa against any kind of network naughtiness...I'm writing for the WaPo, I better mention something tangentially Arab-related.
"I have to admit that I'm pretty tired at this point of listening to some of the clapped-out sexual crusaders featured in the documentary"I invented "clapped-out" and the copy desk fell for it! UPDATE: I am still English!
"...it afforded a snapshot of where we are stuck in the Bush 2 culture wars."There is a culture war, right? Cuz if not, I'm out of another fucking job.
"the onstage chairs were occupied by feminist virago and porn scourge Catharine MacKinnon; media bloodhound and defense attorney Alan Dershowitz; hellcat publisher and former Bernie Kerik squeeze Judith Regan"I've been reading the NY Post every day!
"MacKinnon, whose tight white face and 19th-century hairdo made her look like Carry Nation on the South Beach diet..."Fucking bitch. Teach her to cut me at the concessions.
Lovelace couldn't tell us herself because she is dead.I wonder if Linda Lovelace ever wrote a book detailing how she allegedly was beaten and forced to make "Deep Throat" at gunpoint? Nah, probably not.
"MacKinnon's "feminist fundamentalism" immediately came under fire from Dershowitz, who went on a stemwinder..."My word-making-up-powers are unstoppable!
"...not Ann Coulter vs. Michael Moore but Norman Mailer vs. Gore Vidal. It must have been fun to turn on the TV back then."The Dick Cavett went off the air in 1972, surely no one will remember that I was almost 20 then and might actually have seen it.
"After the panel was over, half the women secretly found themselves agreeing more with MacKinnon than with either Dershowitz or the movie."I am a surprisingly thorough reporter and interviewed every woman in attendance.
"That would be almost as uncool as admitting how much more sophisticated and entertaining the Super Bowl ads were under the FCC's regrettable new strictures to keep it clean."My patented Tina Brown end-of-column surprise! Take that! See, I heart the FCC! Don't box me in, bitches! I OWN THE EASTERN SEABOARD! I AM TINA BROWN!
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