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Dunno, Laura Ingraham, why DO YOU deliver such shitty content? Also, your 'content' is repulsive to WAY more than half the country. Also, if you're curious how long it takes to get a screengrab of Laura Ingraham with that shitty of a look on her face, the answer is VERY FEW SECONDS.


This morning, we told you about how Laura Ingraham is a loud-mouthed fucking ass stain (edge of your seat breaking news right there) who needs to shut the fuck up about the Parkland students. We know, it's literally killing gun-humping conservatives right now that common decency says they shouldn't attack minor children who just survived a mass school shooting, but oh well, life is just tough like that sometimes.

What was particularly hilarious about Ingraham's attack on David Hogg was that she was accusing him of "whining" about not getting into all the colleges on his list, considering conservatives' long history of saying conservative white kids (like that mediocre girl in Texas) who don't get into college are victims of reverse racism and affirmative action, when the truth is that some of those conservative white kids just suck. Meanwhile, Hogg, who with his AP-weighted 4.2 GPA and 1270 SAT has much better academic credentials than that mediocre white girl in Texas (3.59 GPA in high school, 1180 SATs), really wasn't whining about not getting into every school on his list, he just said it's kinda no fun getting rejection letters while all this is going on. Getting into college is really competitive these days. These kids know that. They're tough.

And Laura Ingraham made fun of him, because Laura Ingraham is, again, a loud-mouthed fucking ass stain.

And so it was that David Hogg used his smarts to tweet this:

And wouldn't you know it, but two of those companies have already responded! One is Rachael Ray's Nutrish dog food brand, which is canceling its ads on the Laura Ingraham show, because we guess dog food doesn't like loud-mouthed fucking ass stains like Laura Ingraham:

Hell yeah, Nutrish! You stand up for those kids, against loud-mouthed fucking ass stains!

Also gone? TripAdvisor!

(FULL DISCLOSURE: Wonkette did not get paid to say "Hell yeah, Nutrish!" but we are not against getting paid to say that. TripAdvisor is free to send us coupons and stuff if they want, also too.)

For the record, Ingraham has just taken to Twitter to "apologize." Guess she doesn't like being canceled by dog food:

Oh FUCK OFF. "In the spirit of Holy Week"? Jesus didn't die on the cross so Laura Ingraham could be a fucking dick to a child and then say sorry when advertisers start running. And she wants to talk about David Hogg's "poise"? The newly risen Jesus gonna be POISED to break His holy foot off in Laura Ingraham's ass for using His name in vain like that.

Moving on!

Now, there are 11 other companies on that list, so it is time for them to follow suit, because fuck that "apology." Please cancel Laura Ingraham, so we can make the following headlines about Laura Ingraham, loud-mouthed fucking ass stain, come true:

  1. Laura Ingraham Canceled By Mattresses (Sleep Number)
  2. Laura Ingraham Canceled By Obamaphones (AT&T)
  3. Arby's Finds Something Grosser Than Arby's, And It Is Laura Ingraham (Arby's)
  4. Wayfair, You Got Just What I Need, And It Sure As Hell Isn't Laura Ingraham! (Wayfair)
  5. Bayer Cures Biggest Headache Of All, And It Is Laura Ingraham (Bayer)

And also headlines about the other companies on there that we didn't feel like creating headlines for!

Get to it, COMPANIES! Make like a Nutrish and delete Laura Ingraham!

UPDATE: Wayfair, You Got Just What I Need, And It Sure As Hell Isn't Laura Ingraham is now a valid headline!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette has NO COMMERCIAL SPONSORS AT ALL, and can say what the fuck we goddamn want. We just don't want to shit on gunned-down schoolkids for some reason, WEIRD.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Okay, we admit it. We skipped ahead and "live-blogged" in the night. After writing 4,000 words about Michael Cohen yesterday, we COULD. NOT. STOP. Lock us up in the cell next to Michael Cohen, we hear he's got JOKES. Seriously, here's Michael Cohen talking about Robert Costello, the attorney Rudy (allegedly) dispatched to dangle a pardon after Cohen flipped, without using his name.

LAWYER: Close to the President.

COHEN: Yes.

LAWYER: Employed by the White House?

COHEN: What, are we playing that game where you put it on your forehead?

LAWYER I'm grasping for straws here, Mr. Cohen. I'm just trying to figure out who the - not the intermediary. You don't have to talk about the intermediary.

COHEN: Well, if you ask me any more questions, it's either the person or King Kong, right?

Michael Cohen DGAF on February 28, and he continued to not GAF on March 6 when the Committee reconvened.

Mike Conaway (R-Irrelevance) got the ball rolling by reminding Cohen that he was still under oath -- "Typically, it finishes off with, 'So help me God,' some phrase like that." Not that he wanted Cohen to swear again, but Mike Conaway was just sayin'. Can Mike Conaway pour piss from a boot with instructions written on the heel? We would not swear to it!

Also, either Robert Costello's name is redacted all over this document because he's getting an award for excellence in legal ethics and they don't want to ruin the surprise, or he's in deep shit with SDNY. (Spoiler Alert ...)

Alright, whatcha got for us Mikey?

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