Triumph of the Willies: GOP Liveblogging Super Fun!
Information: The debate's on Fox News, and don't let that NBC Brian Williams commercial throw you off. People have been freaking out all day about Jerry Falwell croaking. A talking mouse in glasses is doing the pre-game -- oh, that's Alan Colmes? So that's what liberals look like?Shudder.
Tonight, we are going to do things a little differently: Updates will be in "descending order," meaning the newest ones will be on top. This is apparently "logical," but we'll try it anyway. Fun starts RIGHT NOW!!!
Come on in, and don't forget your drinks ....
HIT REFRESH CONSTANTLY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
10: 17Rudy: "I will torture everyone. I am a tyrant. Let me be your tyrant, and let us slip the knife of honor into the heart of democracy, forever." (APPLAUSE)
10: 14Wait, what? Fox News is just making up bullshit ... and it's about, uh,shopping malls? Oh, right, this is all24. And says McCain, "And remember, I was tortuuuuurrrred."
10: 11Tancredo: "RON PAUL, I FUCKIN' LUUVVVV YOU MANNNNNN."
10: 10Huckabee: "I will suck as president, but of course I'll never be president."
10: 07WALNUTS! says the slave flag is only flying a little bit lower, and that he will only father Mulatto babies when that flag has MOVED ON.
10: 05Rudy demands Ron Paul retract saying that the USA should maybe quit invading and occupying any country with oil. Ron politely calls him a bitch.
10: 03Ron Paul is AMERICA'S HOBBIT. (And Ron, China actually is building a giant embassy complex in DC.)
10: 00Duncan Hunter personally built the border fence. Hooray, Duncan! Oh, wait, he just had some involvement in the legislation ... Mexicans built the actual fence. THX MEXICO.
9: 52Hey Mitt -- and the rest of you -- if you love life so much, why are you so hot on KILLING ALL THE ARABS?
9: 52Romney had an abortion?
9: 51Brownback: "Even blacks should have babies."
9: 48Ha ha, that'sexactlywhat the Founding Fathers said about slavery: We abhor it, but you can do it. Okay, well most of them actually said: We actually own slaves.
9: 46Hey, there's a new live liveblogging thread! Open this in a new Browser Window! Keep refreshing everything constantly at all times! Ding Ding!
9: 45Brownback sees Reagan's ghost, right now.
9: 43Romney: "I swear, only one woman per man, I swear to your alien Jesus."
9: 42Huckabee: "I only raised certain taxes. People like taxes."
9: 41Chris Wallace to WALNUTS!: "You, sir, are almost as big a liberal fuckin' faggot as Rudy."
9: 40Rudy: "I'm pretty conservative for a flaming place like NYC."
9: 40Rudy: "I am against Hillary. Remember how you people used to be so upset about Hillary? Please elect me, a gay American, so we can defeat that liberal Hillary."
9: 39Rudy: "I will not discuss things."
9: 39FOXNEWS to Rudy: "You are so very gay, sir."
9: 38Hey, Gilmore: Huckabee's not a front-runner.
9: 38Jim Gilmore wants you to know that he will meekly contest the positions of the popular candidates.
9: 37Wait, there's somebody called "Rudy McRomney"?
9: 34And now, commercials about things of concern to the elderly.
9: 32Hey Ladies, Mr. Alex Pareene is getting juiced up and ready to take over on a New Liveblogging Post in 10 minutes. Get Ready! Also, for being such a Mexican Killer, Tancredo sounds like a 5-year-old whining at the playground.
9: 31What's his name, Jim Gilmore, is getting a blog. A BLOG, EVERYBODY! HE CAN'T LOSE.
9: 28Actually, Ron, we spend more on everything than countries that actually have successful "welfare states," like in Scandinavia where everyone is beautiful, smart and rich. Thatz cuz we dummiez!
9: 27Ron Paul: "I will kill your monsters, and close all federal agencies." Wait, he's right!
9: 26Tommy Thompson: "I am your children's Mr. Potato Head."
9: 25Huckabee's joke, in case you missed it: "I spend money like John Edwards gettin' his cunt waxed down at the beauty parlor."
9: 24Hi Rudy. You pretty much suck, don't you?
9: 23Also, Huck got in a good (and obviously scripted) lines about handsome-boy John Edwards.
9: 23Huckabee is like Kevin Spacey's gay dad!
9: 21Walnuts! looks like he needs his nap.
9: 20How about a singing competition?
9: 19Could we have an arm-wrestling match or something? These people are so boring, it's nearly impossible to feel Hate.
9: 18Who is this Jim Gilmore guy? The main guy fromGilmore Girls, right? Oh he's answering a question about the Internet with ... a vow to bomb Iran.
9: 17Umm, which guy is this again? HEY PLEASE WEAR NAME TAGS, K? Oh, Huckabee. And ladies, he's aBaptist minister! Wink Wink.
9: 16Duncan Hunter knows how many units are in Iraq. And he thinks there will be a new president in a "few months." Does he know something about the impeachments that we don't????
9: 15Ron Paul: "We need Reagan's courage to surrender."
9: 14RON PAULZ IN UR DEBATEZ, BUMMIN UR PRIMARIEZ!!!1!
9: 12Tom Tancredo doesn't worry about giving our Iraqi Enemies a timeline, because the real enemy -- MEXICANS MEXICANS MEXICANS -- are, uhm, cleaning our houses.
9: 12So is this whole "inspired by Al Qaeda" thing just a legal maneuver to avoid getting sued by Osama bin Laden?
9: 11Rudy: "Iraq is our Enemy. They followed us to Fort Dix."
9: 10Thanks,Family Feud, for bravely sharing your ding-ding sound effect.
9: 10"If we don't pull together here, we can't win over there. Suck it, libs."
9: 09Sam Brokeback can't quit the Iraq Study Group.
9: 08Hey Mitt, read "Battlefield Earth" lately? Iraq is like in that book, we hear!
9: 07Tommy Thompson will personally kick Maliki's ass.
9: 06What are these laws Maliki must pass that McCain cannot mention?
9: 06McCain has history on his side, because he notes that the Viet Cong didn't follow us home. Wait, what?
9: 05What? No statements about Falwell? Please, candidates, bravely fight this antichrist fascism.
9: 04Ha, Hume can't even pronounce Jim Gilmore's name, because he's never heard it before!
9: 04Ron Paul is old.
9: 02In Rudy's "family" spot, it just says "Oh shit!"
9: 02Oh boy, let's meet the candidates!
9: 00Columbia (Colombia?) is a place in Southern Carolina, and has a university.
9: 00Fox News doesn't share with anybody. Take that, Politico.com!
9: 00Brit Hume, everybody! Sexy Time!!!
8: 56Someone will do something "borderline loopy," oh boy.
8: 56Where is Knut, and theLaw & Orderman? Where, o where?
8: 55Lots of tributes for Jerry McFatty, even from McCain, who actually used to hate Falwell's guts!
8: 54Apparently the people of South Carolina are religious.