Triumph of the Willies: GOP Liveblogging Super Fun!

$20,000 Pyramid Scheme! - WonketteInformation: The debate's on Fox News, and don't let that NBC Brian Williams commercial throw you off. People have been freaking out all day about Jerry Falwell croaking. A talking mouse in glasses is doing the pre-game -- oh, that's Alan Colmes? So that's what liberals look like? Shudder.

Tonight, we are going to do things a little differently: Updates will be in "descending order," meaning the newest ones will be on top. This is apparently "logical," but we'll try it anyway. Fun starts RIGHT NOW!!!

Come on in, and don't forget your drinks ....


10:17 Rudy: "I will torture everyone. I am a tyrant. Let me be your tyrant, and let us slip the knife of honor into the heart of democracy, forever." (APPLAUSE)

10:14 Wait, what? Fox News is just making up bullshit ... and it's about, uh, shopping malls? Oh, right, this is all 24. And says McCain, "And remember, I was tortuuuuurrrred."


10:10 Huckabee: "I will suck as president, but of course I'll never be president."

10:07 WALNUTS! says the slave flag is only flying a little bit lower, and that he will only father Mulatto babies when that flag has MOVED ON.

10:05 Rudy demands Ron Paul retract saying that the USA should maybe quit invading and occupying any country with oil. Ron politely calls him a bitch.

10:03 Ron Paul is AMERICA'S HOBBIT. (And Ron, China actually is building a giant embassy complex in DC.)

10:00 Duncan Hunter personally built the border fence. Hooray, Duncan! Oh, wait, he just had some involvement in the legislation ... Mexicans built the actual fence. THX MEXICO.

9:52 Hey Mitt -- and the rest of you -- if you love life so much, why are you so hot on KILLING ALL THE ARABS?

9:52 Romney had an abortion?

9:51 Brownback: "Even blacks should have babies."

9:48 Ha ha, that's exactly what the Founding Fathers said about slavery: We abhor it, but you can do it. Okay, well most of them actually said: We actually own slaves.

9:46 Hey, there's a new live liveblogging thread! Open this in a new Browser Window! Keep refreshing everything constantly at all times! Ding Ding!

9:45 Brownback sees Reagan's ghost, right now.

9:43 Romney: "I swear, only one woman per man, I swear to your alien Jesus."

9:42 Huckabee: "I only raised certain taxes. People like taxes."

9:41 Chris Wallace to WALNUTS!: "You, sir, are almost as big a liberal fuckin' faggot as Rudy."

9:40 Rudy: "I'm pretty conservative for a flaming place like NYC."

9:40 Rudy: "I am against Hillary. Remember how you people used to be so upset about Hillary? Please elect me, a gay American, so we can defeat that liberal Hillary."

9:39 Rudy: "I will not discuss things."

9:39 FOXNEWS to Rudy: "You are so very gay, sir."

9:38 Hey, Gilmore: Huckabee's not a front-runner.

9:38 Jim Gilmore wants you to know that he will meekly contest the positions of the popular candidates.

9:37 Wait, there's somebody called "Rudy McRomney"?

9:34 And now, commercials about things of concern to the elderly.

9:32 Hey Ladies, Mr. Alex Pareene is getting juiced up and ready to take over on a New Liveblogging Post in 10 minutes. Get Ready! Also, for being such a Mexican Killer, Tancredo sounds like a 5-year-old whining at the playground.

9:31 What's his name, Jim Gilmore, is getting a blog. A BLOG, EVERYBODY! HE CAN'T LOSE.

9:28 Actually, Ron, we spend more on everything than countries that actually have successful "welfare states," like in Scandinavia where everyone is beautiful, smart and rich. Thatz cuz we dummiez!

9:27 Ron Paul: "I will kill your monsters, and close all federal agencies." Wait, he's right!

9:26 Tommy Thompson: "I am your children's Mr. Potato Head."

9:25 Huckabee's joke, in case you missed it: "I spend money like John Edwards gettin' his cunt waxed down at the beauty parlor."

9:24 Hi Rudy. You pretty much suck, don't you?

9:23 Also, Huck got in a good (and obviously scripted) lines about handsome-boy John Edwards.

9:23 Huckabee is like Kevin Spacey's gay dad!

9:21 Walnuts! looks like he needs his nap.

9:20 How about a singing competition?

9:19 Could we have an arm-wrestling match or something? These people are so boring, it's nearly impossible to feel Hate.

9:18 Who is this Jim Gilmore guy? The main guy from Gilmore Girls, right? Oh he's answering a question about the Internet with ... a vow to bomb Iran.

9:17 Umm, which guy is this again? HEY PLEASE WEAR NAME TAGS, K? Oh, Huckabee. And ladies, he's a Baptist minister! Wink Wink.

9:16 Duncan Hunter knows how many units are in Iraq. And he thinks there will be a new president in a "few months." Does he know something about the impeachments that we don't????

9:15 Ron Paul: "We need Reagan's courage to surrender."


9:12 Tom Tancredo doesn't worry about giving our Iraqi Enemies a timeline, because the real enemy -- MEXICANS MEXICANS MEXICANS -- are, uhm, cleaning our houses.

9:12 So is this whole "inspired by Al Qaeda" thing just a legal maneuver to avoid getting sued by Osama bin Laden?

9:11 Rudy: "Iraq is our Enemy. They followed us to Fort Dix."

9:10 Thanks, Family Feud, for bravely sharing your ding-ding sound effect.

9:10 "If we don't pull together here, we can't win over there. Suck it, libs."

9:09 Sam Brokeback can't quit the Iraq Study Group.

9:08 Hey Mitt, read "Battlefield Earth" lately? Iraq is like in that book, we hear!

9:07 Tommy Thompson will personally kick Maliki's ass.

9:06 What are these laws Maliki must pass that McCain cannot mention?

9:06 McCain has history on his side, because he notes that the Viet Cong didn't follow us home. Wait, what?

9:05 What? No statements about Falwell? Please, candidates, bravely fight this antichrist fascism.

9:04 Ha, Hume can't even pronounce Jim Gilmore's name, because he's never heard it before!

9:04 Ron Paul is old.

9:02 In Rudy's "family" spot, it just says "Oh shit!"

9:02 Oh boy, let's meet the candidates!

9:00 Columbia (Colombia?) is a place in Southern Carolina, and has a university.

9:00 Fox News doesn't share with anybody. Take that,!

9:00 Brit Hume, everybody! Sexy Time!!!

8:56 Someone will do something "borderline loopy," oh boy.

8:56 Where is Knut, and the Law & Order man? Where, o where?

8:55 Lots of tributes for Jerry McFatty, even from McCain, who actually used to hate Falwell's guts!

8:54 Apparently the people of South Carolina are religious.


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