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AND NO SNUGGLES AFTERWARD TONIGHT


Big breaking news about the presidential administration that is Tough On Russia, because the president is so "NO COLLUSION" you're gonna get sick of "NO COLLUSION"! The Trump administration has announced, in concert with a buncha European Union countries (AKA our allies) that it will expel dozens of Russian "diplomats" (spies) from the United States and close the Russian consulate in Seattle, in retaliation for how Russia has a bad habit lately for over a decade of murdering and trying to murder people on British soil. As we said a couple weeks back, when the Trump administration started implementing a couple teeny tiny sanctions against Russia, and signed a strongly worded statement affirming that Russia is being SUCH A NAUGHTY right now, don't get too excited, because they are doing the very least they can do.

Twelve Russian diplomats at the United Nations in New York and 48 at the Russian Embassy in Washington face expulsion by the U.S. government for what senior administration officials described as covert intelligence operations that undermine U.S. national security.

The U.S. government also ordered the Russian Consulate in Seattle closed by April 2. Senior administration officials said they believe it has served as a key outpost in Russia’s intelligence operations, in part because of its proximity to a U.S. submarine base as well as Boeing manufacturing facilities.

Cool story, bro. And next time Trump and Putin see each other, Trump is only going to kiss Putin on ONLY ONE BUTTCHEEK, because this is SRS BUSINESS.

As the Washington Post reports, we are doing this jointly with Germany, France, Italy, the Netherlands, Denmark, the Czech Republic, Finland, Romania, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Ukraine and Canada. The move was announced by press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who has the notable characteristic of Not Being Donald Trump, so we guess she's allowed to speak a little more freely. We asssume Trump will call Putin sometime this week to say sorry, and that we will learn about it from Russian state media. Not sure whether Trump will feel the need to congratulate Putin on his recent "election win" again, but yeah sure why not.

Russia will, of course, expel diplomats too, because that's how these things work. As WaPo somewhat cattily notes, the only time Russia hasn't retaliated is when President Obama, a month after the 2016 election, expelled diplomats, levied sanctions and shuttered Russian spy dachas in the United States, in retaliation for election meddling. There was no need, as incoming National Security Advisor Michael Flynn was there to sweet talk the Russians about how everything was going to be OK after Putin's Trump's inauguration.

To check in on how badly this action is hurting Russia, let's go to the Russian embassy's Twitter account:

Wow. Russia giving people a clean vote. Bet that feels weird.

Please call us if the Trump administration decides to do some real sanctions on Vladimir Putin or his band of fat cat oligarchs, or otherwise hit Russia in any way that really hurts. Until then, we will be ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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