Hey there, Wonketariat! We've got a big day of newses ahead, JUST FOR YOU! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Peter Strzok, an investigator with the Trump-Russia investigation, has apparently "You're Fired" himself and taken an exciting job in the FBI's human resources division. Maybe it's a clever ruse?

Congress members are fundraising off Trump-Russia, and naturally the Republicans are even trying to be slick about breaking the unspoken rules.

Democrats are floating healthcare ideas and they all seem to keep coming back to single-payer, but first they need to find a way to shore up ACA funding so that their constituents don't die before 2018 and 2020.

Nice Time: Hundreds of people attended a candlelight vigil at U-Va last night to sing songs and hold hands in memory of Heather Heyer. Not so nice: that they had to do it at all.

Trump was triggered by people telling him what to do about Charlottesville. According to one adviser, "He still thinks he's right," which he is not.

Trump's lawyer forwarded a crazy racist email to reporters that equates that equates Confederate leaders with the founders, Shaka Zulu, and Napoleon. It also insists, "You cannot be against General Lee and be for George Washington," because they were exactly the same guy, almost.

Republicans in Congress can't quite quit Trump until their constituents give them the OK, even if that means staying quiet about Nazis.

President Bannon must've been drinking himself stupid when he called a left-leaning magazine out of the blue to showboat and bitch about Trump, China, North Korea, Nazis and "globalists." If you believe Bannon's post-publication spin, which you shouldn't, he supposedly thought the whole conversation was off the record. No way Steve Bannon doesn't know how to say "not for publication."

Top military brass have joined CEOs and some GOP members to denounce hate groups, and that's kind of a big deal since the military is legally bound to execute the orders of the Hate Commander in Chief. But they were only stating military policy and not naming any particular racists in the Oval Office, so they're cool.

It's not just statues -- there are military bases named for Confederates, not to mention state flags that pay subtle homage to the indignities perpetrated by Confederate states.

Somebody gave the pizzagate guy Jack Posobiec a security clearance when he was in the Navy, and he still can't prove the existence of secret tunnels under DC. That clearance has been suspended, so now he may never find the truth.

Dana Rohrabacher and Chuck Johnson met Julian Assange to talk about "many topics," like Trump-Russia, which Assange "emphatically stated" is all a bunch of lies. Well, case closed on that one!

Mike Pence is ending his apology tour through South America early to attend a meeting at Camp David about North Korea, and to possibly start an apology tour through Middle America.

Joseph Simons is Trump's new pick for FTC chair. An antitrust attorney, he COULD be bad news for shut-ins eagerly awaiting the opportunity to buy fancy food off Amazon.

Jeff Sessions says that if Chicago is worried about federal grants for sanctuary cities, we should contact our leaders. We have; they said Sessions could go and fuck himself, over and over again.

Republicans are pissed that another Texas potty law died that would have banned transgender bathrooms. Perhaps Texas Republicans can go off into the bushes if they're so upset about who's in the next stall?

China is flailing its arms and shouting that there is no winner in a trade war in light of new comments by Trump and President Bannon that suggest an embrace of a zero-sum economic trade war.

China and India are throwing fighting words over the Himalayas over a road being built through Bhutan, and now the locals are getting nervous.

Mark Zuckerberg is deleting hate groups and their posts from Facebook, which is a presidential move when you think about it, which we are not.

Verizon is actually lobbying AGAINST unwarranted searches of customers' data, but that's probably because it's bad for business. At least it looks principled.

A New York Times editor testified in a defamation suit brought by Sarah Palin for publishing an editorial criticizing her PAC for dropping crosshairs on a map as if it wasn't a dog whistle. Surveyor's marks!

The AP will no longer use the term "alt-right" as it now views it as a "euphemism to disguise racist aims." Well, duh.

And here's your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert talked about how Trump is now free, at lastJimmy Kimmel read some of his mean tweets from angry Trumpers; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump's presserJames Corden thinks it's sad that "Trump can't even manufacture manufacturing councils."

And here's your morning Nice Time! Sea otter pups!

And here's some extra bonus puppy adoption nice time! SAVE THE PUPPIES!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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