Trump Begs Court To Protect His Sacred First Amendment Right To Cheat On His Taxes We Guess

Another day, another dumbshit Trump lawsuit destined to crash and burn. Do we sound tired of this crap? WE ARE SO TIRED OF THIS CRAP.

Remember back in May when New York's legislature passed a bill allowing its Department of Taxation and Finance to turn over Trump's state tax return to the House Ways and Means Committee upon request? Did you spend the last two months wondering when the hell Chairman Richard Neal was going to get around to that? Well, looks like Donald Trump's lawyers spent that time banging their heads together to see what was the least stupid argument they could come up with to fight it in court.

Spoiler Alert: The least stupid argument is still pretty goddamn stupid.

Trump's lawyers, in their infinite wisdom, would like the DC District Court to declare that it is a VIOLATION OF POOR DONALD TRUMP'S FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS for New York to turn his tax returns over to Congress. That's not even a joke!

The TRUST Act singles out President Trump because he is a Republican and a political opponent. It was enacted to retaliate against the President because of his policy positions, his political beliefs, and his protected speech, including the positions he took during the 2016 campaign.

Or perhaps the New York statute is bad because Congress must have a "legitimate legislative purpose" to see Trump's federal returns -- LOL, NOPE -- and thus it is illegal for them to ask to see his state returns. As a matter of law, Ways and Means does not have to provide a legislative purpose to get Trump's federal returns, which the non-discretionary federal statute makes entirely clear. And as a matter of precedent, two federal courts have already ruled that Donald Trump doesn't get to be the arbiter of which congressional inquiry is "legitimate." Judge Amit Mehta, of the self-same DC District Court where this stupid case was filed, held, "So long as Congress investigates on a subject matter on which 'legislation could be had,' Congress acts as contemplated by Article I of the Constitution." (Although Trump's lawyers have managed to get this case in front of his own appointee Judge Trevor McFadden by designating it "related" to his case against the IRS over the federal returns.)

And, as a matter of fact, Donald Trump doesn't get to tell New York State's tax authorities what they can and can't do with their own state's tax returns. Because FEDERALISM, HOW DO IT GO?

Also, this is not a legal argument. The technical term for it is "irrelevant wanking."

Ultimately, this issue was litigated in the 2016 election. Voters heard the criticisms from Secretary Clinton, and they elected President Trump anyway. Democrats in Congress and across the country, however, have only become more eager to disclose the President's tax returns for political gain.

Actually, that's not what "litigated" means.

All the Trump lawsuits are offensively stupid, but this is the most offensively stupid one yet. So, let's just do the WHEREFORE demand list like a law school issue spotter, 'kay? Tell me all the ones I missed in the comments.

WHEREFORE, Plaintiff asks this Court to enter judgment in his favor and provide the following relief:

a. A declaratory judgment that the Committee lacks a legitimate legislative purpose for obtaining the President's state tax information; (POLITICAL QUESTION, RIPENESS, SEPARATION OF POWERS)

b. A permanent injunction prohibiting the Committee from making a written request under the TRUST Act, or taking any other action to request, inspect, review, use, maintain, or disclose the President's state tax information; (PRIOR RESTRAINT ON SPEECH, SPEECH OR DEBATE CLAUSE, RIPENESS, POLITICAL QUESTION)

c. A declaratory judgment that the TRUST Act violates the First Amendment; (SHUT UP, THAT'S NOT HOW THE FIRST AMENDMENT WORKS!)

d. A permanent injunction prohibiting the Attorney General from enforcing the TRUST Act; (RIPENESS, SEPARATION OF POWERS, PRIOR RESTRAINT, JURISDICTION)

e. A permanent injunction prohibiting the Commissioner from complying with any written request under the TRUST Act, or from taking any other action to disclose the President's state tax information; (RIPENESS, SEPARATION OF POWERS, PRIOR RESTRAINT, FIRST AMENDMENT, JURISDICTION)

f. A temporary restraining order and preliminary injunction granting the relief specified above during the pendency of this action; (RIPENESS, SEPARATION OF POWERS)

g. Plaintiff's reasonable costs and expenses, including attorneys' fees; and (HAHA, FUCK YOU!)

h. All other preliminary and permanent relief that Plaintiff is entitled to, including equitable relief under the All Writs Act to protect this Court's jurisdiction. (THERE IS NO JURISDICTION OVER A FEDERAL POLITICAL QUESTION RELATING TO STATE LAW. GO BACK TO LAW SCHOOL, PERRY MASON.)

Okay, enough of this BS. This is not a real lawsuit, it's just some arglebargle Trump's lawyers barfed out to stall for time. We're not sure what's in those tax returns, but whatever it is, it's NOT GOOD. Enjoy the Mueller live blog.

[Trump v. Committee on Ways and Means]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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