Trump Blows Off Debate Prep To Shoot The Sh*t With Larry Kudlow And Make Fun Of Biden's Stutter
Time to check in with President Lazyass's debate prep. It's going ... well, it's going about as well as you'd expect.
Take it away, NBC:
President Donald Trump has not held a single mock debate session, and has no plans to stage a formal practice round, as he readies for his first faceoff with Joe Biden in less than three weeks, according to multiple people familiar with the discussions.
The president has dismissed the typical debate preparations he participated in four years ago, joking to aides and allies that he's been preparing for debates since he was born. His ability to fire back at an opponent in real time, he's argued, "isn't something you have to practice."
Trump is seven points down in national polls, his campaign has bet the house on delivering a knockout blow to Biden in the debates, and the president can't be arsed to do any real prep other than "informal discussions" and briefings on expected topics.
"Get Larry Kudlow," they said. "We need someone to help Trump talk about ECONOMY without sounding like a supplysiding hasbeen after a four martini lunch." Allegedly!
Various allies and advisors blabbed to NBC off the record that Trump doesn't need to stand at a podium for actual debate prep this time around because he's "best off the cuff" and gets plenty of practice sparring with reporters at press conferences. Presumably this means he intends to call the moderators FAKE NEWS and the enemy of the people, then stomp off in a huff. Solid plan!
After months of campaign manager Brad Parscale's wily psy-op of lowering the bar for Biden so much that anything better than drooling into a bib looked like a win, his replacement Bill Stepien is trying to right the ship. They're still calling Biden a doddering old fool, but in Stepien's telling Biden is a fool with a savant-like gift for argumentative rhetoric.
Claiming to have watched hours of Biden's "creaky movies reels," Stepien told NBC, "Joe Biden is not formidable anywhere else but he is formidable on the debate stage." Later he added, "We just hope he shows up," implying without any evidence at all that Biden would somehow try to duck the debates.
"I'm looking forward to debating the president and I'm going to lay out as clearly as I can what I think we have to do to bring this country back and build back better," the vice president said last week, sounding like a blissfully boring, rational human being who buckles down and does the work. And unlike Trump's derp squad, the Biden team isn't leaking like a dollar store diaper about his debate prep.
Which is not to say that the debates aren't a risk for Biden. If he stumbles, it's a big deal, where Trump's insane stream of lies and invective is more or less baked in at this point. But Trump's big idea for countering his persistent disadvantage in the polls is to give the public more of the same — if we can just see him scream more lies and more insults, we'll come running back home to Daddy despite economic devastation and 190,000 Americans dead of a disease he "likes to downplay."
And if wants to play it like that, well, MAZAL TOV!
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.