Trump Bombs Syria, Declares 'Mission Accomplished' Like A Common Dubya


Last night, without seeking Congressional approval, Donald Trump launched 105 missiles at targets in Syria. This morning, he got on Twitter and announced "Mission Accomplished." A phrase that certainly has no incredibly awkward history of being used by Republican Presidents in connection with bombing the Middle East.

A perfectly executed strike last night. Thank you to France and the United Kingdom for their wisdom and the power of their fine Military. Could not have had a better result. Mission Accomplished!

I wonder if he'll done a flyboy costume next?

Since the bombing, several high-ranking Democrats have come out to condemn him for -- possibly illegally -- moving forward with it without getting congressional approval first. Tim Kaine noted that this could set a dangerous precedent, leading to Trump just bombing the shit out of anyone he wants.

Via NBC:

"President Trump's decision to launch airstrikes against the Syrian government without Congress's approval is illegal and — absent a broader strategy — it's reckless,” Kaine, the 2016 Democratic vice presidential nominee, said in a statement. "Today, it's a strike on Syria — what's going to stop him from bombing Iran or North Korea next? The last thing Congress should be doing is giving this president a blank check to wage war against anyone, anywhere."

Or any President, really, but especially this... very stable genius.

Other Democrats spoke out on Twitter:

Assad’s use of chemical weapons against his own people was evil. However, President Trump has no legal basis for this strike. He does not have an authorization for the use of military force against Syria by Congress.

We have learned in Afghanistan and Iraq the dangers of launching military actions without clearly articulated objectives and exit strategies. If the President wants to wage war, the American people and Congress need to be part of that decision.

Sen. Chris Murphy of Connecticut made an excellent point about the fact that the United States has only accepted 11 Syrian refugees in the last year. This bombing will likely make things worse for those suffering under the Assad regime, and yet we just expect them to stay there. That's pretty shitty!

U.S. foreign policy today: we bomb your country, helping create a humanitarian nightmare, then we lock you inside.

There was also a strange amount of disappointment from many of Trump's supporters, who for some stupid reason actually thought Donald Trump wasn't going to be bombing anyone. Which is super weird! Like, I could have told them that, and in fact did tell them that multiple times throughout the course of the last election. Republicans LOVE war and they LOVE bombing stuff, especially Republicans with Daddy issues who like to feel real macho. In fact, anyone who actually lived through the Bush administration could have told them that.

However, if I know anything about these people (AND I DO), they will only be mad at Trump for approximately five minutes before they decide he actually should totally get to launch all of the missiles if it makes him happy.

Assad is an evil person. But bombs are not the answer, we need to be delivering humanitarian aid to those in Syria who need it, and accepting as many refugees as possible. We don't need to be in another shitty war.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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We feel like we say this a lot during these dark days of the Trump era, but WHAT IN THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK DID WE JUST WATCH? And how in the hell can anyone who claims to give a shit about this country be OK with the public tongue-bath Donald Trump just gave Vladimir Putin on live TV?

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Elon Musk, Space Trash Cowboy

Silicon Valley's most arrogant asswipe is not a baby, he just pays people to wipe his ass.

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STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES! Elon Musk has been wronged! Newspapers, throw away your front pages! TV talking heads, scrap your A and B bloc! Someone change the tickers in Times Square!


When Vern Unsworth, the British cave explorer who helped rescue the trapped Thai soccer team, told CNN that Musk's mini-sub was a "PR Stunt" that had "absolutely no chance of working," he clearly wounded Musk's delicate constitution. But then Unsworth had to go a step further and tell Musk to "stick his submarine where it hurts."

Musk responded like a fucking adult by Tweeting that he never saw Unsworth when he flew to Thailand to personally deliver his mini-sub last week, adding, "Sorry Pedo guy, you really did ask for it."

"Pedo" -- short for "pedophile" -- seems a bit harsh and also a tiny bit libelous. This caused the Twitterverse to lose their minds and criticize Musk for being an asshole (again). Since Elon Musk is a gazillionaire with tons of free tweetin' time on his hands, he responded to his critics by doubling-down, "Bet ya a signed dollar it's true."

Musk later deleted the tweets and retreated to the relative safety of his secret moon base. Unsworth is now threatening to sue Musk, telling a Australian news outlet, "This is not finished. I think people realize what sort of guy he is."

The whole ordeal started started when Musk posted an unnecessarily dramatic video of a small submarine built out of a fuel pod used in one of the Space X rockets. The idea of stuffing a child in a tiny metal tube sounded amazing to fanboys, but a number of people immediately wondered if the hastily assembled claustrophobia simulator was ambi-turner.

Maybe Musk is just butthurt over all that money he was caught donating to Republican pacs? Maybe he's just venting after the NLRB said Musk violated labor laws when he discouraged Tesla workers from unionizing? Maybe we should change those front pages once again!


[WSJ / NBC News / BBC / Business Insider]

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