Why are we showing you this idiot's stupid face like five times today? Are we not sick of him already? WE ARE! But, alas, it is Rich Guy With Wandering Dick o'clock again! And apparently, Michael Cohen plies his trade all over the RNC.

"You look like a fella who gets out a lot, if you know what I mean," he says winking at the man at the next urinal. "If you ever have a problem you need taken care of, you let me know, okay?" Most guys just zip it up and make a beeline for the exit. But Elliot Broidy knew Michael Cohen from the RNC finance committee, and thought he was okay, aside from the proclivity to lurk in the 4th floor mens room ALLEGEDLY.

Then one day, Broidy did have a problem. Seems his Playboy model girlfriend was pregnant. And who should sidle up to him with a solution in hand but Michael Cohen! As Broidy told the WSJ,

Mr. Cohen reached out to me after being contacted by this woman’s attorney, Keith Davidson. Although I had not previously hired Mr. Cohen, I retained Mr. Cohen after he informed me about his prior relationship with Mr. Davidson.

(Mr. Davidson? KEITH Davidson? Yes, we'll get back to him in a second.)

Are you trying to remember where you've heard the name Elliot Broidy? Well let's hop in the Wonkette time machine and find out.

And the fact that Nader, who is paid by the Saudis and the Emiratis, funneled millions of foreign dollars to Broidy, from an Emirati company controlled by Nader to a Canadian company controlled by Broidy, before it finally landed at some wingnutty DC think tanks (to pay for “conferences”), is probably fine and not any evidence of money laundering or Saudi Arabia and the UAE bribing the Trump White House to do stuff. And Nader constantly and insistently lobbying Broidy to set up a secret off-the-books meeting between Trump and the crown prince of the UAE is probably totally normal too.

Broidy even planned a special trip for Nader to get to go to Mar-a-Lago for the celebration of Trump’s first year in office, which would have been hella fun had Robert Mueller not met Nader at the airport and stolen his boarding pass.

That's right, Broidy is the wheeler-dealer flogging his security company and whipping up White House sentiment against Qatar. And, oh, by the way, Broidy barely escaped going to jail in 2012 in a pay-to-play bribery scandal by turning state's evidence.

So last fall, Broidy had A PROBLEM. His girlfriend had hired a lawyer who recommended Michael Cohen, a guy Broidy already knew from the RNC. Luckily, Cohen already had an airtight non-disclosure agreement at the ready. We'll give you three guesses what pseudonyms he used for Broidy and his ladyfriend!


Peggy Peterson and David Dennison. We shit you not!

It's not clear if he simply reused the Stormy Daniels agreement -- the WSJ says Broidy's NDA "resembles" the earlier one. Broidy's, ahem, playmate was to get $1.6 million over four payments, presumably because she was pregnant. The paper reports she has since had an abortion. But there was one other major similarity to the Daniels agreement: same attorney on the other side. In fact, Keith Davidson represented Stormy Daniels, Karen McDougal, and Broidy's girlfriend.


Davidson is the one who negotiated a measly $130,000 for Daniels. He's the one accused by Karen McDougal of lying to her about her settlement with the National Enquirer -- of which he pocketed 45% -- and revealing details of her story to Donald Trump's lawyer MICHAEL COHEN. And now there's a third woman who just so happens to represented by Davidson?

What the fuck is going on here?

Were Cohen and Davidson using their connections to scare up women who might want to sue their rich, married boyfriends? If Davidson took 45% from Broidy's girlfriend as well, he got $720,000, which is ... A LOT. Maybe enough to share with a friend! Did Davidson also represent the doorman Dino Sajudin who said Trump had a love child with the housekeeper? Because this shit REEKS.

Okay, it's Friday, and we're all waiting to see who gets booted off the island. Well besides Elliot Broidy, who had the decency to You're Fired himself from the RNC right after this story broke. We'll keep you posted on whatever crazy shit comes next!

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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