Trump's 'Waddle Between Bed And Dinner With Nazis' Campaign Schedule Strangely Not Inspiring Confidence

You know what they say about running for president: It's not just pooping and then dinner with white supremacists and then some more pooping.

Except that according to CNN's reporting, that's exactly what it is if you're Donald Trump right now.

For whatever sadass egomaniacal poor-me loser reason, Trump insisted on announcing he was running for president in the middle of November, a week after he lost the midterms for Republicans, and right in the middle of yet another Georgia runoff, between Democratic Senator Raphael Warnock and Trump-endorsed head injury Herschel Walker. Just right at the exact moment when even his own supporters wanted to hear from him least.

Then a few weeks later, he broke ketchup packets with Nazis, which earned him round-the-clock babysitters from the campaign. And other than that he hasn't done shit besides scream about how he wants the Constitution overthrown.


Trump Gets Round-The-Clock Babysitters To Make Sure He Doesn't Invite Any More Nazis To Dinner

This is what he has been so desperately wanting. And yet he has done nothing, reportedly.

The CNN article is fun for quotes from anonymous advisers:

“So far, he has gone down from his bedroom, made an announcement, gone back up to his bedroom and hasn’t been seen since except to have dinner with a White supremacist,” said a 2020 Trump campaign adviser.

“It’s 1000% a ho-hum campaign,” the adviser added.

Well that is chef's kiss right there.

Anyway, CNN says Trump hasn't had any kind of events, which is very different from how things were in 2015, when he gallivanted to-and-fro from the get-go. ("Gallivanted to-and-fro from the get-go"? What the fuck is our writing style today? Fuck.)

His advisers have no fucking clue what's going on. “I don’t know why he rushed this. It doesn’t make sense,” said one.

His announcement itself was extremely low-energy, and everybody hated it.

He had dinner with the Nazis.

According to CNN, on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, he bugged people all day asking how much damage they thought the Nazi dinner did to him.

He got a special counsel, and he whined a whole lot about that.

He lost his special master, and he whined a whole lot about that.

And he called for the Constitution to be terminated.

If there was anything else, we guess we missed it.

But hey, maybe "doing things" wasn't really part of his plans in the first place, and this is all because he's literally so stupid he thinks nobody will indict or arrest him for stealing state secrets or inciting a terrorist attack against the United States if he's running for president. Nice fantasy you got there, buddy. Hold fast to it, for as long as it lasts.

Does he think Barack Obama wouldn't have had Osama bin Laden killed during an episode of NBC's "The Celebrity Apprentice" if bin Laden had recently declared as a Republican candidate and started visiting Iowa? Please. Some perspective is in order here.

Hey, Remember That Time Obama Busted Up In 'The Celebrity Apprentice' To Murder Bin Laden Right In Trump's Face?

Trump Judges Eviscerate Trump's Judge, Diss His Lawyers, Sh*tcan His Special Master

Trump Seems Terrified Of New Special Counsel, Happy Holidays, MFer!

Anyway, a Trump campaign spox says he's done lots of things, but CNN notes that no event he's done has been a campaign event.

The person who gave CNN the quote about him waddling from bedroom to Nazi dinner and back to bedroom says Trump has done "nothing" to dissuade other Republicans from jumping into the race. And another source says they're "taking a breather, planning and forming a strategy for the next two years."

Because you know what Trump needs after all this work he's been doing. A breather.

Take all the time you need, dear.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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