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Good morning, it is September 11, 2018. Kids who were born on this day in 2001 are high school seniors this year, can you believe it? #YouAreOld.

If you are of a certain age (you know, like "old") you remember exactly where you were on 9/11. And regardless of what kinds of emotions the day brings now, 17 years on, there's a certain reverence to this day, and a good bit of storytelling. In times like these, as we remember how America came together and decided to #NeverForget -- first by bombing the appropriate country and then, a few months later, bombing a completely inappropriate country based on "Bush wanted to" -- it's nice to know we have a president who understands the solemn nature of this anniversary, who brings a certain gravitas to the ...


QUIT YOUR JOB, MOTHERFUCKER.

Seriously, that was his first tweet of the day, because President Cloud Yeller can't be bothered for five fucking seconds to be an adult who doesn't make everything about his goddamned whining.

The president (for however much longer that lasts) did manage to follow up with a 9/11-related retweet from Dan Scavino, before going back to whining about whatever conspiracy theories "Fox & Friends" was vomiting into his dumb baby mouth:

True fact, dude. The world is indeed watching, and they're more horrified than Americans are that this gutter dimwit baby is president of the United States.

Whine more:

NBC News has a fascinating and sobering report this morning about how the long-term health effects on 9/11 first responders are multiplying at such a rate that ultimately more people might die of 9/11-related illnesses than perished in the attack itself. That would be a very interesting thing for a Twitter-addicted American president to tweet out on this day, don't you think? But nah, let's just whine about the Justice Department a whole bunch.

Ooh! Wait, though! Donald Trump remembered a thing about 9/11 that's totally about him! No, it's not his recurring lie that he saw LITERAL GABILLIONS of Muslims dancing in the streets of New Jersey as the towers fell, and no it's not his self-fellating lie that once Osama bin Laden's work was done, that made Trump's buildings the tallest in New York. This is about his very smart lawyer Rudy Giuliani, whose brain works every bit as well as it did on that Indian summer day in 2001 you bet:

Rudy Giuliani, everyone!

Show us how good you #math, Mister President:

Yep, you got it.

Trump, according to his Twitter, is heading off to do some 9/11 memorial thing in Shanksville, PA, so we guess that's the literal least he could do.

Hey, remember that time Trump said he gave CBS's "Face The Nation" better ratings than they had gotten since 9/11?

Ooh, ooh, and also, hey remember how Trump occasionally seems to wistfully wish for his very own Reichstag Fire 9/11, so that people will rally around Dear Leader, like Americans did for George W. Bush?

The day is still young. Get ready for that fuckhead to embarrass us a lot more as the day goes on.

#NeverForget

UPDATE: Well, he's arrived in Shanksville.

The embarrassment continues.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Photo by Wonkette Operative 'Teecha'

If it's Sunday, this must be Nice Things, our weekly escape from the quotidian awfulness. Our featured doggo this week comes via a photo by Wonkette reader "Teecha," and we don't think Teecha mentioned a name for this lovely old rescue dog. If it is a dog at all: I think it may actually be one of Sia's more inventive disguises, like that time she was a little pony.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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