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Good morning, it is September 11, 2018. Kids who were born on this day in 2001 are high school seniors this year, can you believe it? #YouAreOld.

If you are of a certain age (you know, like "old") you remember exactly where you were on 9/11. And regardless of what kinds of emotions the day brings now, 17 years on, there's a certain reverence to this day, and a good bit of storytelling. In times like these, as we remember how America came together and decided to #NeverForget -- first by bombing the appropriate country and then, a few months later, bombing a completely inappropriate country based on "Bush wanted to" -- it's nice to know we have a president who understands the solemn nature of this anniversary, who brings a certain gravitas to the ...


QUIT YOUR JOB, MOTHERFUCKER.

Seriously, that was his first tweet of the day, because President Cloud Yeller can't be bothered for five fucking seconds to be an adult who doesn't make everything about his goddamned whining.

The president (for however much longer that lasts) did manage to follow up with a 9/11-related retweet from Dan Scavino, before going back to whining about whatever conspiracy theories "Fox & Friends" was vomiting into his dumb baby mouth:

True fact, dude. The world is indeed watching, and they're more horrified than Americans are that this gutter dimwit baby is president of the United States.

Whine more:

NBC News has a fascinating and sobering report this morning about how the long-term health effects on 9/11 first responders are multiplying at such a rate that ultimately more people might die of 9/11-related illnesses than perished in the attack itself. That would be a very interesting thing for a Twitter-addicted American president to tweet out on this day, don't you think? But nah, let's just whine about the Justice Department a whole bunch.

Ooh! Wait, though! Donald Trump remembered a thing about 9/11 that's totally about him! No, it's not his recurring lie that he saw LITERAL GABILLIONS of Muslims dancing in the streets of New Jersey as the towers fell, and no it's not his self-fellating lie that once Osama bin Laden's work was done, that made Trump's buildings the tallest in New York. This is about his very smart lawyer Rudy Giuliani, whose brain works every bit as well as it did on that Indian summer day in 2001 you bet:

Rudy Giuliani, everyone!

Show us how good you #math, Mister President:

Yep, you got it.

Trump, according to his Twitter, is heading off to do some 9/11 memorial thing in Shanksville, PA, so we guess that's the literal least he could do.

Hey, remember that time Trump said he gave CBS's "Face The Nation" better ratings than they had gotten since 9/11?

Ooh, ooh, and also, hey remember how Trump occasionally seems to wistfully wish for his very own Reichstag Fire 9/11, so that people will rally around Dear Leader, like Americans did for George W. Bush?

The day is still young. Get ready for that fuckhead to embarrass us a lot more as the day goes on.

#NeverForget

UPDATE: Well, he's arrived in Shanksville.

The embarrassment continues.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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OOH BOY HOWDY, The Federalist is on fire this week! Just this morning we told you about the hilarious Federalist column where one neo-Nazi's mom and dad are Democrats, ipso facto QED NEO-NAZIS ARE THE REAL LIBERALS, FUCKERS! Is America's dumbest woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Cara Snailin' over there being a total fuckin' Mollie Hemingway right now? Sadly, she blocked us on Twitter, so how could we possibly know? The answer is WE DON'T CARE.

But now we have a gem of the Federalist genre, an article written by a whiny-ass gay quisling conservative, who would like to chew on his blankie and whine about how much harder it is out there for a conservative than it is for a gay person. This is a subject we happen to have some knowledge about, because we are super gay! And we know a lot about conservatives, both firsthand -- being subjected to them every single one of our almost four decades of life -- and also from covering extremist right-wing Christians for a very long time. Particularly the kind that tell young, impressionable, vulnerable gay kids that they need to pray away the gay if they want Jesus to exercise some self control and refrain from sending them to a fiery hell for all eternity.

We clicked on the article with high hopes. See if you can spot why:

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pic via Glamour Shots, we mean this dude's old website

The House Education and Workforce Committee was all set to have a hearing today all about the horrors that a higher minimum wage would wreak on the economy. Horrors like rich people being slightly less rich. Horrors like business owners claiming they will have to fire people and charge $15 for a McChicken if forced to pay workers a living wage, which they won't actually do because no one will buy a $15 McChicken and they would go out of business if they tried that, and they already don't hire more people than the bare minimum they can get away with. Horrors like poor people not being "motivated" to work harder and get better jobs that do not pay them an amount no human being could possibly live on.

Alas, as Politico reports, it was not to be, as committee members discovered their big witness for the hearing, San Diego State University economist Joseph Sabia (pictured above in a Glamour Shot from his archived website), was kind of a wacko.

Sabia, as it turns out, once had a blog called "No Shades Of Gray," in which he wrote many columns of an extremely homophobic and sexist persuasion. In one of these columns, in 2002, Sabia was very mad about one man's lawsuit against several fast food giants for contributing to his health and obesity problems by failing to disclose the nutritional information of the food they sold. In retrospect, I think most people are now on board with these chains being required to post calorie counts and other nutritional information, but in 2002, Sabia was convinced that requiring them to do this would be an assault on freedom for all Americans everywhere. His response to this was to try and attempt a Jonathan Swift posture and suggest taxing gay sex, which he claimed leads to "disastrous health consequences."

Because sure, that's the same thing, basically.


In gay sex, we have an activity that is clearly leading to disastrous health consequences. What rational person would engage in this sort of activity? There is only one solution - let's tax it.

"Come on, Sabia," you say, "how are you going to enforce these taxes? Are you going to send government officials to peep into everyone's bedroom?"

Eventually. But first we have to mount the assault on Big Gay (no, I am not talking about Rosie O'Donnell). We can tax gay nightclubs, websites, personal ads, sexual paraphernalia, and so forth. Talk about a sin tax!!! We can cripple gay-related industries and get them right where we want them. All gay clubs will have to feature huge, flashing warning signs like "CAUTION: Entering this nightclub may increase your chance of contracting STDs and dying."

Big Gay clearly lures people into trying their "product" without discussing the risks to mind, body, and soul. The average Joe on the street does not understand all of the possible bad outcomes. I can almost hear him now:

"They said '100 percent hotties.' I thought that meant it was fun. I thought gay sex was OK…Now I have all these diseases. Big Gay has wrecked my life."

In the immoral words of Warren G, "Regulators!! Mount up!"

EXTREME SHUDDER.

In another 2002 article, classily titled "College Girls: Unpaid Whores," Sabia laments that feminists have led college girls to stop trying to be like the Holy Virgin Mary and instead to aspire to be more like that hussy Ally McBeal.

No, really.

As women have strayed from the church, they have replaced what is holy with what is temporally pleasing. For Catholics, the model woman is Mary, the virgin Mother of God. She is beloved by the faithful for her unflappable devotion to and trust in God, her nurturing of the Son of Man, and her deep love for all humanity.

Today's college girl looks to Ally McBeal, the trollops of Sex in the City, and the floozies on Friends to set their moral compasses.

The sad truth is that college girls are so desperate to find love that they are willing to degrade themselves to get it. But true love can only be understood in the context of the Word of God. Any other notion of "love" is secular and, by definition, limited and finite.

Not only that, but instead of going to college to find a husband, they have boyfriends. Boyfriends they have S-E-X with. And sometimes, not even that. Sometimes they have sex with people just because they want to have sex with people, and not even in exchange for Valentine's Day cards or money!


Additionally, other sex-based relationships have become commonplace. In recent years, a new and disturbing arrangement known as "friends with benefits" has emerged. In this arrangement, men are not even forced to perform the normal duties of boyfriends, i.e. flowers, Valentine's Day cards, rides to the abortion clinic, etc. Instead, girls consider these guys "just friends" whom they happen to screw every now and again. No strings, no attachments, no dinners. Just sex when they feel like it.

This type of arrangement is the next logical step in the direction that young women have drifted in the last few decades. These women have become unpaid whores. At least prostitutes made a buck off of their trade. These women just give it away.

How cute! He was like the ur-incel, basically.

Anyway, following the discovery of the posts, the House Education and Workforce Committee's GOP communications director Kelley McNabb told Politico that "members were uncomfortable moving forward on the hearing." A more optimistic person might think this was a step forward, that maybe those committee members actually thought it was bad to suggest that being gay means being a disease-ridden monster or that college girls are whores, but it's probably more to avoid embarrassment than anything else. Guess they'll have to start from scratch and find a crappy economist who will tell them what they want to hear about the minimum wage but who doesn't have an embarrassing Geocities blog in their past. Good luck with that!

[Politico]

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