Trump Definitely Announcing Not-Dead JFK Jr. As His Running Mate Today, Say Qanon Followers

Right Wing Extremism

Followers of the QAnon conspiracy theory have had quite a month. On the downside, they've been banned from practically every social media site and also from Etsy. On the upside, Donald Trump has remained resolute in his refusal to condemn them, which has made them feel very empowered and what have you.

There are, of course, only a few more weeks left for all of the things they've been promised to come to fruition. If Trump loses the election, they lose all hope of the martial law, military tribunals and mass arrests of their dreams, and will have to go back to fretting about the martial law, military tribunals and mass arrests of their nightmares. They'll be back to worrying about Jade Helm type things, of being put in FEMA camps, of jack booted thugs banging down their doors, rather than the doors of Hillary Clinton and Tom Hanks.

But today is the day many of them have been looking forward to for a long while now, a day that is supposed to turn things around. October 17, because of how Q is the 17th letter in the alphabet. It is to be the day Donald Trump announces, at a rally in Dallas, the city where John F. Kennedy was assassinated, that he is replacing Mike Pence with a new running mate — the surprisingly not dead John F. Kennedy, Jr.

It's all very poetic.






Also Elvis. Elvis is also coming back today.

JFK Jr. Files: Return of the Prince www.youtube.com


Please to enjoy the comments underneath that video, in which desperate QAnoners talk about how thrilled they will be upon JFK Jr's triumphant resurrection this evening.

This will be the move, supporters say, that saves his campaign. Because obviously everyone will just be so excited about JFK, Jr rising from the dead and running for Vice President alongside Donald Trump. And then, then, we will all eat crow and go "Oh how could we have been so mistaken! Those kooky QAnon people were right all along!"

There are, of course, some major difficulties with all of this — the first of them being that JFK, Jr is in fact dead. The other problem would be that people have already started voting and it would be real tough to make a change to the ballot at this point. Still another problem being that Donald Trump is not scheduled to do a rally in Dallas, Texas or Dallas, Wisconsin, or Dallas, Anywhere Else tonight, but is instead doing one in Ormond Beach, FL. Now, sure. it is possible they got the location wrong, but that still doesn't eliminate the main problem with this plan — the fact that JFK, Jr is in fact dead.

As is Princess Diana. And Elvis.

But hey! All of their other deadlines and predictions have come and gone and they have still managed to continue "trusting the plan," and it is likely that this will be no different.

Anyway — enough of that silliness and time for some other, well, silliness. Because this is your open thread! Enjoy!

Oh! PS! As a special gift, please enjoy this completely batshit Reddit thread I found from someone claiming that Sewickley, Pennsylvania, where they live, is an "illuminati town" where people are just eating babies all the time, like you wouldn't believe. Also this very serious discussion about a shapeshifting demon that is trying to steal someone's baby brother. Takes all kinds!

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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