Whoops! (yes, it's shopped. You can tell from most of the pixels)

Donald Trump announced Wednesday night -- without warning, the way he likes it -- that he was disbanding his great big fraud of a voting commission, which he put in place to prove that he really won the popular vote, once you subtract the three to five million votes illegally cast for Hillary Clinton by ninja illegal immigrants who left no sign of their having voted. That just proves how sneaky they are.

The "Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity" was, at least on paper, co-chaired by Mike Pence and Kansas Secretary of Keeping The Vote White Kris Kobach, although most of the heavy lying was handled by Kobach. It had only met twice, and had actually been sued in November by one of its own members, Maine Secretary of State Matthew Dunlap, a Democrat, who argued the commission was refusing to turn over important documents to the very people who were supposedly going to be making recommendations on policy.

Trump hasn't changed his belief that the 2016 election was chock full o' voter fraud, and was not convinced by critics who called the commission a thinly veiled excuse to erect more barriers to voting for people who might not vote for Republicans. Instead, he had to deep-six the nominally bipartisan commission because states kept suing the commission and refusing to turn over all the detailed voter information the commission wanted. And while both Republican and Democratic secretaries of state had sued the commission, Trump thinks he knows who the bad guys are:

Curse those tricksy Democratses who wouldn't comply. Like commission co-chair Kris Kobach, since Kansas state law forbids the release of the last four digits of voters' Social Security numbers, just one of the items Kobach asked all states to submit.

Trump also made it plenty clear what the goal of the commission was anyway, so why have a commission?

Gosh, that's an original argument! Maybe we could turn around that line the gun humpers always use: Yeah, but buying beer, getting a plane ticket, and driving a car aren't in the CONSTITUTION (OK, yeah, the beer thing, with the repeal of Prohibition, but let's not get distracted, mmmm, beeeeeeer).

CNN wins for the best quote from an unnamed White House adviser on what went wrong with the commission's "work," and it was so good that we'll uncensor it for you nice folks:

"It's a shit show," said one White House adviser to CNN, adding that the commission went "off the rails."

Another "senior White House adviser" in the same report said Pence should have given himself even more distance from the commission:

"VP's team, though, should have seen that assignment as a shit sandwich and treated it like a book report," the adviser said. "Avoid trouble, cite real instances of voter fraud, address structural and technology problems, make recommendations and move on." [cusses restored by Yr Wonkette]

My, what a lot of potty mouths! And at least one outright fantasist, since Kobach would never have gone for such a wussy, unpanicked approach.

In a statement from the White House yesterday, someone wrote these words with Donald Trump's name attached to them:

Despite substantial evidence of voter fraud, many states have refused to provide the Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity with basic information relevant to its inquiry [...]

Rather than engage in endless legal battles at taxpayer expense, today I signed an executive order to dissolve the commission, and have asked the Department of Homeland Security to review these issues and determine next courses of action.

So hooray, instead of a loaded presidential commission spitting out recommendations to restrict voting, we'll get voting restrictions coming out of DHS, which can operate with even more opacity than the commission. Kris Kobach practically admitted as much to the New York Times:

As a White House commission, the voter-fraud panel was subject to public-disclosure requirements and other restrictions that Mr. Kobach said opponents of the inquiry had seized on in “a determined effort by the left” to hamstring its investigation [...]

“It got to the point where the staff of the commission was spending more time responding to litigation than doing an investigation,” Mr. Kobach said. “Think of it as an option play; a decision was made in the middle of the day to pass the ball. The Department of Homeland Security is going to be able to move faster and more efficiently than a presidential advisory commission.”

DHS is already tasked with ensuring the integrity of the vote, which in olden times meant helping states update the security of their computer systems to avoid hacks from our pals in Russia (not that it was so great at that either). And now, the same folks who brought you mass deportations and the arrest of a little girl at a hospital will be crafting "improvements" for voting security, hooray. What do you want to bet they'll recommend national adoption of Kobach's notoriously evil "Crosscheck" system to identify lots of people named "Rodriguez" and "Washington" so they can be purged from voter rolls?

Having already sued the commission for insufficient transparency, Matthew Dunlap told the Times it might be too soon to be celebrating the commission being tossed out like a black North Carolinian's voter registration form:

“Homeland security operates very much in the dark,” he said. “Any chance of having this investigation done in a public forum is now lost, and I think people should be, frankly, frightened by that.”

Dunlap said much the same to the Washington Post, but with a hip movie reference:

“I think people who are saying ‘the witch is dead’ should be very alarmed by this move,” he said. “I think that’s very dangerous.”

Sounds like Dunlap and Kobach are pretty much in agreement on what may come next, if not on whether that's a good thing. How's that for some rare bipartisanship?

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[WaPo / NYT / CNN / Rolling Stone / WaPo]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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