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Let's take a poll! Is anybody actually interested in a long rundown of all the stupid/crazy/illiterate/racist/authoritarian things President Jack Off said during his latest white supremacist cousin-fucker rally for cousin-fucking white supremacists? Uh oh, the results of the poll are in, and nobody gives a shit what that senile old dick says! (At Soviet Wonkette, POLL TAKE YOU.)

Instead, we will do highlights!


First of all, here is the picture of an Adorable Deplorable rally attendee that's really popular on Twitter right now:

Somebody pay that lady's overdue cell phone bill, she's got some policemen to call about some black folks existing!

Secondly, Donald Trump, MAN OF THE PEOPLE, said a thing that has 9 out of 10 grocery-buyers in America LOLing this morning. (The other grocery-buyer is part of Trump's base and a fucking idiot.) He claimed we have to have voter ID because after all, YOU HAVE TO HAVE PHOTO ID TO BUY GROCERIES, RIGHT? RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT?

Maybe Trump just remembers the old days, back when he had to walk uphill both ways in the snow to the grocery store (because his dad was at a Klan rally and didn't buy groceries) and had to show his ID to ... no wait, we are sorry, Donald Trump is just a fucking moron because that never happened. (The part about his dad at the Klan rally is real.)

As for the rest of the content of his speech, well, it was ... WALL WALL WALL WALL WALL WALL WALL WALL! And he lied about the wall, saying they had totally started building it! He lied about his approval ratings (bigger than Abraham Lincoln!); he lied about how big the crowd was for that current rally, telling his fact-allergic followers they had to set up JumboTrons outside for all the people who couldn't get in; he lied about immigrants; he fear-mongered about MS-13; he lied about the media, saying it is "unhinged" and that it destroys the lives of "innocent" people.

You know, the usual boilerplate shit.

And the crowd went wild! Ohhhhhh, the crowd!

In order to set up the part about the crowd, we should note that Eric Trump got to go to Florida. Why? Nobody has the foggiest.

But! You know that thing about how Donald Trump doesn't really love Donald Trump Jr. but Ivanka can tweet herself taking hangover dumps and Daddy will RT it? Yeah, well, ERIC tweeted a thing from the Florida rally, of a flock of his father's pigs cussing CNN's Jim Acosta like the flock of pigs they are, and guess who RTed little Eric:

Awwwwww! Daddy loves a few of his children!

Jim Acosta tweeted another video of Trump's walking beef farts screaming violently at him:

It's almost like they're a cult or something.

Speaking of cults, the media noticed a lot of people in the audience wearing shirts that said things like "Q for Trump," holding signs that said, "We Are Q." Wonkette will have a post for you today on QAnon from our resident white-supremacist-misogynist-cult expert Robyn (the cult is white supremacist and misogynist, not Robyn, THAT WE KNOW OF), but suffice it to say QAnon is an INSANE conspiracy theory and it's not fringe anymore, at least among Trump supporters. Here is a very simple explanation of it, from the Washington Post:

In the black hole of conspiracy in which "Q" has plunged its followers, Trump only feigned collusion to create a pretense for the hiring of special counsel Robert S. Mueller III, who is actually working as a "white hat," or hero, to expose the Democrats. Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and George Soros are planning a coup — and traffic children in their spare time. J.P. Morgan, the American financier, sunk the Titanic. [...]

In the world in which QAnon believers live, Trump's detractors, such as Republican Sen. John McCain of Arizona and Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin, wear ankle monitors that track their whereabouts. Press reports are dismissed as "Operation Mockingbird," the name given to the alleged midcentury infiltration of the American media by the CIA. The Illuminati looms large in QAnon, as do the Rothschilds, a wealthy Jewish family vilified by the conspiracy theorists as the leaders of a satanic cult. Among the world leaders wise to satanic influences, the theory holds, is Russian President Vladimir Putin.

That is just scratching the surface, so come back for Robyn's post later, but suffice it to say Trump's cult is more brainwashed than you ever knew. QAnon seems to come from a deep, psychotic need to believe that the fucking weak and sad loser they can see with their own eyes, the guy they elected, is actually a genius who will fix the whole world. You can understand how the stupidest among us might latch on to something like this, because it keeps them from confronting how fucking sick and stupid they were to vote for this guy.

Trump was theoretically in Florida to campaign for his little beta male love-biscuit Rep. Ron DeSantis, who is running for governor. Trump remembered to mention him once or twice, and we imagine DeSantis woke up this morning swearing he'd never wash his hand again, because DONALD TRUMP SHOOKED IT!

We saved that information for last because it's not like anybody woke up this morning talking about last night's awesome Ron DeSantis rally.

Ron De-whowhatnow? Never heard of her.

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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