Trump Gives Netanyahu Fake 'Key To White House' To Celebrate Fake Peace Deal. So That's On Brand!

A maskless Donald Trump met in the White House today with one of the world leaders who presses his buttons the way he likes, Israel's rightwing asshole Benjamin Netanyahu. It was one of those horseshit things we're supposed to be impressed with, because they want us to believe Donald Trump, dealmaker (LOL), successfully negotiated (LOLOL) formal relations between Israel and the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain. You know, as if that wasn't basically how things were already in the Middle East, going back to the Obama administration. Also none of those countries were at war with each other.

But hey, Netanyahu pulls Trump's strings and plays him like a fiddle, and so does Mohammed bin Zayed al Nahyan, the de facto head of the UAE. They don't mind giving Trump a photo op before the big election he's trying to rig!

(Spoiler, they all hate Iran more than they hate each other, that's why.)

But sure, everybody SUUUUUUURE, Donald Trump did this with his negotiate-y skills, why not! Everybody clap for Donald Trump like you would if he was showing you he did poo poo in the potty, everybody say YAAAAAAY TRUMP! Who's getting a Happy Meal this afternoon? It is Donald Trump, who did poo poo in the potty and totally negotiated Middle East peace with his very good brain, YAAAAAAAY!

You could tell how historic today was by how the leaders of the UAE and Bahrain didn't even bother to show up, just kidding, YAAAAAAAY, TRUMP!

During the day's festivities, Donald Trump did a very normal thing when he presented Netanyahu with the "key to the White House," which is ... not a thing. Also it is the people's house, and we don't remember anybody asking the "people" whether they wanted Bibi to be able to walk in anytime he needs a place to crash.

But anyway, nothing matters anymore, here is a video:

It was cute when Netanyahu responded to Trump that "You have the key to the heart of the Jewish people," considering how most American Jews hate Trump's ass with the fire of a thousand suns.


1. No really, that is not a real award, just like the coveted "Bay of Pigs" award given by all the Cuban veterans in Florida to Donald Trump all the time is not an award, just like the "Michigan Man of the Year" is not an award. Yes, we know we said we had questions, but sometimes we just have answers.

2. What sadass White House staffer had to, for their job OMG how embarrassing, rig up that fake award for Donald Trump to give Benjamin Netanyahu? Was a trip to Hobby Lobby involved? Glue? Glitter? Is it ... is it papier-mâché? Did Ivanka's children make this, for Grandpa to give his friend?

3. Or perhaps a better question: Where did this key REALLY come from? Mary Trump told us about her trashball uncle's penchant for regifting. Whose key is this? Have you lost a large gold key? If so, the unelected president of the United States just gave it to the prime minister of Israel.

4. If this is a legitimate key to the actual White House, it was pretty nice of Vladimir Putin to get a copy made for Bibi at Home Depot so Trump could give him that. So many White House keys, for so many garbage leaders! Oops, another answer, not a question.

Well, this is all thoroughly embarrassing, so to make it worse, go read this bonkers thread about the White House's refusal to properly enforce mask-wearing around Netanyahu and the Israeli delegation, which Israeli security insisted on, considering how Trump has turned the United States into a petri dish of filth and coronavirus.

Jesus Christ, Trump White House staffers, this event today wasn't real! (YAAAAAAY, TRUMP!) Bibi was doing Trump a fucking favor and giving him a photo op, which he will call in as soon as he feels like it! The least you can do is not give the man goddamn coronavirus!

And now, having been put in the position of taking Benjamin Fucking Netanyahu's side, a horrified Wonkette will leave you to your OPEN THREAD.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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